20 Characteristics of a Good Relationship-2/20 Stay Present!

Dr. Mike’s 20 Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship-2/20 Be Present!

A good relationship thrives in the here and now.

I can learn from my past mistakes, and I should plan for the future, but I should spend most of my relationship life in the here and now.

If I find myself  constantly going back to past hurts, or if I am constantly reminding my relationships about the past sacrifices that I have made, something is wrong, and the correction to that problem needs to start with me. If I am unable to do so, perhaps it is time to move on. The latter suggesting that I’m too inflexible, or that the relationship is too dysfunctional.

Naturally, a knowledge of the past can prevent me from making the same mistake again.  Naturally, if I feel hurt, upset, or undervalued by a past event it is OK to voice those feelings.  However, if I am frequently living in a past space, all I am doing is grinding salt into an old wound. That salt not only corrodes me, but it also corrodes my relationship.

It is much more important to focus on now.  What can I do today to strengthen my relationship?  Sometimes that focus needs to be the rediscovery of enjoyable parts of the relationship.  Sometimes I can strengthen my relationship by exploring new, healthy territories.  Sometimes I can strengthen my relationship by adopting new behaviors.  Sometimes I can strengthen my relationship by viewing the positives of my connection, rather than constantly rehashing the negatives. The goal is not to achieve a perfect relationship, but to create a flexible, adaptable and enjoyable one.  

A relationship involves two individuals.  To strengthen a relationship my alter needs to be doing the same. In a relationship I am not a one man show.

Today my goal is to learn from the past, but live in the present in the relationships of my life.