In a good relationship I don’t expect the other person to make me happy.
I live in a what have you done for me lately world. I can meet any need at any time. Go grocery shopping at midnight? No problem! How about a eating a 4 course dinner at 2 AM? Easy! Can I purchase a hard to find item on Sunday at 9 PM? Absolutely! My life has become a life of instant gratification. I can get what I want, when I want it.
With impersonal texting it is easy for me to become self-serving, instead of serving. I don’t need to ask you how you are or how your day has been, all I need to do is text you with my request. Get together? Text! Do something for me? Text! Cancel an important event? Text!
My instant world has some unfortunate consequences. It can become easy for me to think of the important relationships in my life as objects, whose purpose is to serve me. Once I cross into that territory I can become insensitive to my relationship’s needs, and become only focused on my needs.
It can become easy to expect my relationship to make me feel happy, smart, funny or complete. Sometimes the excitement of a new relationship may make me feel artificially better about myself. However, that false belief quickly evaporates as a relationship grows, matures and becomes real.
It is up to me to develop my own sense of self. In fact, to give this power to another person is a disservice to both parties.
Indeed, a good relationship can make me a better person. However, the work has to be mine. I don’t want to be in a relationship that has a negative impact on me, but it is a mistake to constantly run from one relationship to another seeking an elusive and false sense of happiness. By working to improve myself, and by working to be a good relationship partner I grow, as does the relationship.
Today my goal is to cherish the important relationships in my life. Today my goal is to understand that my happiness and fulfillment need to come from within me.