I don’t like buying clothes, I really don’t. I have many reasons for this, some going all the way back to childhood. In 6th grade I started to gain weight and my clothes became tight. I had very few clothes and getting new items was a big deal. I remember my mother taking me to someone’s basement who sold seconds. I remember that person measuring me and using the word “husky.” It was not complementary.
But, dear readers something has happened to me, I lost weight. None of my shirts, pants or belts fit and I have been forced to do the unthinkable, buy clothes.
My early attempts have been at places like Walmart. I liked the anonymity of the big box, but the quality was just not there. I want things that I can wear and wear, and in the long run cheap stuff looks worse and costs more.
I have bought somethings on-line, especially if I can get them on a super sale. Unfortunately, I now know that a large in one brand is not a large in another brand. I have yet to acquire the ability to send things back.
This has left me with shopping at a “men’s store.” In someways there is comfort there. Stylish salesmen with tape measure around their necks, and a look of authority in their eyes. The first time that I went the salesman just looked at me and knew what size I was. Plop went a few shirts with matching ties on a counter… they actually fit!
Recently, I was lured back by a Super Clearance, Black Friday, Pre-Christmas sale. Now, I’m not exactly sure what all of that means in money terms, but it was enough to get me to go to the store. In addition, I had been craftily emailed a coupon worth $50.
Plop went a couple of shirts and ties on the counter. The new salesman commented how versatile the various combos would be. 50% off on the shirts, and also some sort of clearance price. My intellect told me that these shirts were marked up so that they could be marked down. My gut said.. well I bought the shirts.
Since I now go to the gym almost every workday I pack my dress clothes and change into them after I shower. To compound matters, my wife has taken to using the dry cleaner to wash and iron my shirts. They comeback all clean and starched. I only pay attention to them when I’m putting them on.. and so it was today with my new white shirt.
I ran on a treadmill, took a hot shower, brushed my teeth, and shaved. Life was proceeding normally. I took my shirt out of its bag and started to put it on. I was met with French Cuffs. French Cuffs are folded and secured with cufflinks. I don’t have cufflinks, in fact the only time I use them is when I wear a tuxedo. Translation: very rarely, and the tux rental store supplies them.
On my way to work, long French Cuffs, no cufflinks… crap!
I must have been moaning or wailing or something because my friend Tom heard me from another room and came to help. His, “roll your sleeves up and look contemporary and casual” was creative, but perhaps a bit too relaxed for my doctorly role. My continued despair then brought the attention of Hasek (sp).
“Mike, do you need cufflinks?
“I have a spare pair that I can lend you.”
“Can you show me how to put them in?”
As I write this I am well “cufflinked” and doctorly.
The kindness and concern of others always warms me. Tom, with his creative solution. Hasek (sp) with his spare pair of cufflinks (what is the chance of that?) and his willingness to “dress” me.
Today my goal is to celebrate the kind and helpful people in my life. I will also buy a cheap pair of cufflinks on Amazon.
Today, Thursday, we celebrate Thanksgiving in the US. For me it is a day of reflection and a day of gratitude.
I have so many things to be thankful for. The list is endless. At the moment I am thankful that I was able to jog to my local Starbucks and afford a cup of coffee.
But I am most thankful for the people in my life. I am a shy introvert, but people have found me and loved me. I have many flaws, but they kid me about them instead of ridiculing me because of them. They celebrate my odd quirks, instead of telling me that I’m pathological. They accept my aging looks, rather than finding better looking connections. They value my talents, rather than making me feel like I have to hide them less I make them feel bad. They love me for my intrinsic self, not what they think I should be.
Last night I went to the Fermilab Physics Slam. I had missed a few years, not out of wanting, but because the program was sold out.
You might think it odd that a physics show would be sold out. You might think it odd that kids were present in abundance. This isn’t some physics demonstration pretending to be a magic act, it is real physics science distilled into its essence. Simplified, but not dumbed down. World class physicists, each given 10 minutes to explain incredibly complex topics.
There were retirees in the audience. There were single people and families too. I loved the fact that there were young adults and children there. About a quarter of the audience stood when the MC asked for those 18 and younger. Among them two rows from the Illinois Mathematics and Science Academy, my daughter Kathryn’s former high school.
All of this on a Friday night before the Thanksgiving holiday. There were so many other things that they could have been doing: hanging out with friends, playing video games, snapchatting… but they were at the Physics Slam.
I was there with my wife and my son Will. My daughter Grace had elected to go to a dance instead. A dance sponsored by the Latin (as in ancient language) club that she belongs to. As I write this I realize how bookish my family sounds. If that is the case, so be it. We are who we are, and hopefully there is a place at the table for all of us, no matter how superficially different we appear from each others.
Along for the ride was my friend Tom, his 8 year old son and his son’s friend. I wasn’t so worried about Tom, but I was a bit concerned if talks on particle physics could hold the attention of two young kids. They did fine, they even appeared interested.
For those of you who don’t know it, Fermilab is the largest particle accelerator in the United States. At one time it was the largest particle accelerator in the world. Particle physics explores the tiny particles that make up the most elementary parts of matter. Molecules like water are formed by elements, stuff like hydrogen and oxygen. Elements consist of unique atoms (like an oxygen atom or carbon atom), and atoms are formed by subatomic particles (like electrons, neutrons and protons). You may recall this from school. However, there are other subatomic particles that you may not have heard about, some proven just a few years ago. These tiny units of matter can be formed in an endless series of ways, and create everything physical, including us!
As the brilliant physicists talked it became clear how much they understood, but it was even clearer how much they didn’t know. For example we still don’t understand what gravity is, something that we encounter every second of every day.
The bulk of the universe is not made of the materials that we see around us, it is made up of dark matter and dark energy. We have very little knowledge of these things, but they are slowly taking over our universe.
One scientist talked about a project designed to capture a tiny particle called a neutrino, and to see if that particle would decay into a different type of neutrino. If successful it may show that the model, called the standard model, that we use to understand all of the physical properties of the universe may be incorrect. In other words, if the experiment is successful it will thrown the physics world on its head. We know so much, yet we know so little.
When I was younger I did well with my studies. I scored high on my tests. I thought I knew everything that was important to know. I thought I knew all of the basic information necessary to explain everything. That security didn’t last.
I kept on learning. I kept on thinking. I kept on exploring. The more I did this, the more I realized how little I understood. There were always new ways to think about things. There were always new things to learn. There were always new problems to solve.
What about the complex interplay between physical science and everything else. What is life? Why are somethings living and some not? What is death? Do we have a purpose, a reason for being? Everything that we learn about seems to have an order, a set of rules, a purpose. The universe leaves nothing to chance, why would we be left to chance? Are we part of something greater than ourselves? If so, what is it?
This, of course, brings up the topic of God. A topic that seems safer to discuss on a little read blog like this one.
Our solar system and planet are young in universe time. We have had at least 5 mass extinctions on this planet. The reign of the mammal, and consequently the reign of the human has been incredibly short. Think about the advancement that we have made in the last 200 years. Think about the exponential increase in knowledge that we have had in the last 20 years. Ever escalating, ever moving forward. Things that were unimaginable when I was born are in everyday use today. A young planet, a very young species, and a few accomplishments.
It is popular to be an atheist nowadays. I always ask new patients if they have any religious or spiritual beliefs. As the years go by more say, “No.” I felt similarly when I thought I knew everything, when I thought science was the true god. I think differently now.
In our short time existing in this universe we have made great strides. Think of the vast number of galaxies in our universe, and the even larger number of solar systems, stars and planets. Is it possible that life exists elsewhere? To think otherwise seems ludicrous. Is it possible that that some life could be so much more advanced than ours as to have godlike powers? Although theoretical, I would certainly say yes. Let’s be honest, there is no way that we are top dog in the universe. Could an advanced intelligence exist before our universe? Why not. We know that the universe was born out of a small singularity almost 14 billion years ago. What existed before that?
Does that intelligence(s) have a vested interest in us? Now we are talking about faith. My life’s course has led me to believe that it does. You are left to your own beliefs.
There are many religions on this planet, and in the name of God many terrible crimes have been committed. Humans have the ability to subvert, and that subversion uses whatever is available to achieve an end. The name of God has been used to control behavior, hate others and start wars. Subversion.
Although I feel religion can be helpful to focus on a Spiritual life, it is a tool not an end to itself.
What I am talking about is my acceptance that there are powers much greater than me, and that those powers have an interest in me as an individual. It is a wonderfully comforting thought that holds reality for me. For me, God is not an “opium for the masses,” God is a reality, just like gravity is a reality. Gravity exists despite the fact that the greatest minds on the planet can’t explain it.
The Fermilab Physics Slam impressed me with the genius of humankind. It showed me how much we know, and it also demonstrated how little we know. Our minds are limited but ever expanding. Today I will celebrate this truth. I will also find comfort in the knowledge that I’m not alone. A matter of faith perhaps, but isn’t most of life that?
When I left my house for the gym at 4:20 AM, it was crystal clear outside. When I left the gym to have coffee with a friend, it was crystal clear outside. When I left that meeting and drove to my office the world was enveloped in fog.
It was a dense, thick fog. White with a slight bluish tinge. Creamy and homogenous. It was beautiful.
Fog can make things look softer. Fog can make noise sound quieter. Today’s fog did all of that, but was absent of the cold wetness that some fog can bring.
As I write this the fog is starting to leave. The park across the street from my office now looks more misty than foggy. Soon my view will be clear again. Objects in sharp focus, identifiable and measurable. The mystery of the morning gone.
I wonder if we always have to see things in crystal clarity. Sometimes a foggy view can be a pleasant change. A change to a softer, quieter reality.
In a healthy significant relationship I love unconditionally.
Love is a term that everyone thinks they understand, but it can have many different meanings. I may love a great movie, but that is totally different than the love that I can feel towards a significant relationship. Within any relationship there may be different kinds of love.
I know individuals who believe that love will solve all of their relationship problems. This, of course, is not the case. I also am aware that some people feel that love should be effortless and automatic. Like most things of value, love requires work and attention.
I want to love the significant relationships in my life unconditionally, and without restriction. I want the significant relationships in my life to love me unconditionally, and without restriction. With that said, unconditional love is not a get out of jail free card.
By unconditional love I am referring to love that is not given or taken away based on conditions or expectations. Unconditional love means that I love my relationships because they are worthy of my love based on who they are intrinsically. My love for a relationship is not contingent on a what have you done for me lately basis.
I am responsible for my behaviors and actions, and my significant relationships are responsible for theirs. It is possible for me to unconditionally love a relationship and still be upset about an action or behavior that they are displaying. It is healthy to have an open line of communications with my relationships in which I can discuss both positive and negatives aspects of our connections. It is necessary to work with my relationships on rough spots in our connections if I expect those connections to deepen and flourish.
Today my goal to to unconditionally love the significant relationships in my life.
Grace has been after me to make bread, as she likes the 100% whole wheat loaves that I craft. Naturally, I think that all projects are more enjoyable when done with someone, and today Gracie is my co-baker.
There is a certain awe that I have with breadmaking. The ingredients are simple: whole wheat flour, honey, a little salt, yeast and water. However, the results are extraordinary.
This batch will make 5 or 6 loaves. I always think that we will have too much, but the kids love it, and it disappears quickly. Great by itself, or as a part of a sandwich. So much better than the spongy stuff that we purchase in plastic bags at the grocer.
I love the chemistry that bread making teaches us. The microbiology of yeast. The biochemistry of gluten. The chemical changes That happen when soggy dough is tempered by the radiant heat of an oven.
I like the idea of breaking bread for people that I care about. The simple act of sharing food, an act that had real significance in bygone days of famine. An act that has equal significance in current days of plenty.
With the exception of work related eating we tend to eat with people that we care about. This simple tradition becomes even more significant in meals where some of the food is homemade. It takes effort to prepare food, and it takes trust to eat food that is prepared by others. The combination, more significant than a handshake, more significant than complimentary words.
Tonight our dinner will include freshly baked 100% whole wheat bread. That will account for at least 1 loaf. Another loaf will be gifted to a friend, another loaf will be eaten tomorrow. The remaining loves will find their way to the freezer, but they will likely be gone by the end of the week.
Such a simple food is bread. So simple to make and so enjoyable to make it with someone. So easy to eat, and so much fun to share with people that I care about.
Some people make breadmaking complicated, but it really can be simple and fun.
Some people make life complicated, but it really can be simple and fun.
I guess it is our choice.
Today my goal is to celebrate the simplicity of homemade bread, as I concentrate on continuing my life’s path along a simple course.