Category Archives: secret to success

Retirement, Third Year Anniversary

The end of February brought another anniversary.  I have now been retired from Genesis for three years and from Rosecrance for two.  

On my 68th birthday, Julie noted that I had retired well, and I agree with her assessment.  COVID has undoubtedly impacted me during this last year, but it hasn’t all been negative.  As I have said many times, events are neither bad nor good; they just are.

So, where is my life, and how is it different from what I imagined?

When COVID reared its ugly head Julie and I had just become empty nesters.  We had gone on a few trips, and we were coming to terms with our changing roles.  Julie was now the worker, and I was the stay-at-home partner.

A real Saturn rocket, the largest rocket ever built.
Touring the Johnson Space Center in Houston with Julie.
Traveling with Julie to Las Vegas.

Friends and family had voiced concerns that it would be difficult for me to transition from a high-stress professional career to a suburban homemaker’s role.  However, that change was not at all difficult for me.  I had never had a problem doing domestic tasks—my life before I remarried required that I have a comfort level with cooking and cleaning.

I have no problem doing domestic tasks, like. grocery shopping.

Just as I was fully embracing our new couple’s life, COVID hit, and our three youngest children returned home.  I was delighted to have them back in the safety of Naperville. Still, I now had to adjust to having a family of 5 adults living under one roof.  

I was strictly compliant with the stay-at-home mandate for its first few weeks. Surprisingly those restrictions harmed my mental health.  I say surprisingly, as our house was full of people, plus I’m an introvert.  However, it was clear that I needed to gently and safely broaden my social circle, and that was precisely what I did.

This year I continued to hang out with my friend, Tom. Here we are transporting white oak logs to a sawmill in Michigan where they will be turned into flooring for a project that he is working on. I always love learning new things.

I also started to challenge myself with my endless lists of shoulds  I “should” be more productive.  I “should” continue hobbies that no longer interest me.  I “should” tackle odious home projects. I reached a point during this last year where I decided that my life could be about more than always working towards goals.  Especially when those goals had little real meaning.

I did focus on things that had new meaning-like learning how to fix my dishwasher.

During this last year, I continued to accept that I’m an obsessive person who comes from a long line of driven people. I like hyper-focusing on a particular topic.  I love becoming an expert on trivial things.  Such actions excite me. In the past, I viewed my behaviors with a certain amount of shame. Shame that my obsessiveness was odd or different. However, I now celebrate that difference.  My actions harm no one and enrich me.  

A recent visit to my primary care physician resulted in his suggestion that I monitor my blood pressure.  This launched an obsessive interest in home blood pressure technology that has occupied me for the last few weeks.  Others may think that such actions are crazy, but why should that concern me? I am in the process of compiling my findings in a post that may be helpful to others, and that is enough of a reason for my continued attention.  I know that this short-term interest won’t last, but there is always something new on the horizon to catch my eye. 

I was able to do some limited testing of HBPMs, comparing them against a reference Mercurial Sphygmomanometer. The results suggest that HBPMs give a reasonable “ballpark” blood pressure reading.

Some of my obsessions last much longer, but COVID has forced me to temper them.  My passion for photography continues, but many of my photographing opportunities have not.  COVID has robbed me of my small town visits, family get-togethers, and professional gigs.  However, I continue to take photos for my friend Tom’s blog, and I genuinely enjoy helping him.

I love traveling to small towns to take photographs.
I continue to take a lot of construction photos for my friend, Tom.
An architectural shot that I did for one of Tom’s finished projects.

My passion for camping and minimalism has also been altered because of COVID.  Before I go any further, I understand that those who know me are probably snickering that I connected myself with the term “minimalism.” I freely admit that I am an owner of things.  I am a collector who is fascinated by the difference between similar objects.  I am a person who has a house that is full of junk.  Dear reader, I am a complex human, not a one-dimensional caricature.  There is a part of me that likes stuff and a part of me that wants simplicity.  When I am camping, I travel with very little, and I love the freedom that this brings me.

Making pancakes while camping in the Medicinebow National Forest.
A deer stops by Violet the cameprvan to say, “Hello.”

I did go on a few trips, but less than what I had hoped to do.  I also spent a week of urban camping in Violet the campervan. Julie had a COVID quarantine, and I was concerned about my health.  Despite what you may hear on YouTube hipster channels, urban camping sucks. I am grateful to have experienced it so I could sensibly develop that conclusion. 

Camping out in my church’s parking lot.
Stealth camping in a neighborhood.

I mentioned that my three youngest kids returned home as soon as I had become comfortable with our empty nest. I am happy to report that I did adjust to my kids’ return.  They came back to us as adults, but all of the shelter-in-place restrictions brought back a bygone time when our family was less diluted by other social obligations.  We played games again, binge-watched TV shows, and (my favorite) cooked meals together.  It was such a delight to go on long “adventure” walks with my kids. Something that I used to do with them when they were in elementary school. These times were wonderful gifts from COVID.

Playing games with the family.
Cooking with my kids is one of my greatest joys.
We made Christmas dinner together-our first immediate family only Christmas dinner ever!
Going on adventure walks with my kids has been a wonderful replay from the past.

My Kathyrn left home when she was a sophomore in high school to attend IMSA.  She then matriculated to the University of Arizona. When she graduated college, she joined the Peace Corps and moved to Africa.  When COVID hit, she was evacuated back home. I have always had a good relationship with Kathryn, but it was still a bit distant.  She connected well with Julie, and for that, I was grateful. 

Over this year, my two youngest returned to college, and with Julie working, it was often just Kathryn and me.  Over time we have become a team and a good one at that.  Kathryn helps me clean the house, we grocery shop together, and we make and eat many meals together. I am a good teacher but a terrible driving instructor, but Kathryn needed to get her driver’s license, so we worked that out.  Along with doing the tasks of life comes conversation, and along with talking comes connection.  I don’t think that I have ever felt closer to her—another COVID blessing.  

The year continued to educate me about my need to be connected with others.  I am definitely not a person who needs to be the most popular kid on the block.  I don’t need to have a million friends.  I don’t need to be the center of attention.  However, I do need connections. This last year I have strengthened many of my existing relationships.  Naturally, that includes Julie and the kids. It also includes my relations with my extended family.

During much of my marriage, I was solely concentrated on my immediate family and my professional life.  Over the last years, I have realized the importance of having male friendships in my life. This last year, I have strengthened my connection with the handful of men I call real friends, and I have been rewarded by their wisdom and caring.  It has been a tremendous growth experience.

Asking my friend, Tom for help when I screwed up a faucet repair.
Hanging out with my friend, Ralph on his farm.

Has this year of COVID retirement impacted me?  In ways opposite of what I could have expected.  Many people have suffered because COVID has isolated them and diluted the connections they had with others.  For me, it has had the opposite effect.  I find that fact both interesting and remarkable.

This last year has allowed me to slow down and to stay in the moment.  It has shown me how significant relationships are in my life.  It has allowed me to rely on others and to ask for help.  Something that I would have found impossible to do even a decade ago.  Miracles can happen.  

Pausing to see the beauty in simple, everyday things.

This has not been a “lost year,’ as some feel.  It has been a different year.  Remember, different doesn’t mean bad.

I move into my next year with anticipation and excitement.  I wish the same to you.

Peace

Mike

On Dyslexia And Backpacking

Freddie Nietzsche has referenced the impact of life’s difficulties in a much more eloquent way than I ever could, but with that said I do have the ability to turn something negative into something positive. 

 

I have mentioned my dyslexia in the past, but I think it deserves re-referencing here. As some of you know, I was unable to read in second grade. My teacher told my parents that she thought I was very bright and attributed this inability to poor vision. My parents took me to an optometrist who prescribed a very weak eyeglass prescription. I guess optometrists have to make a living.  

 

My 7-year-old expectations were dashed when I put on the specs only to discover that I was as illiterate as before. The fear that my parents would be angry at me pushed me towards a solution; I created my own method to make sense out of the jumble of random symbols that my mind was seeing. I feel that my alternative way of reading has given me an advantage. I may read slower than many, but I have superior comprehension. Beyond comprehension, I appear to have an excellent ability to understand the subtext and sub-connections in a written piece. My reading difficulty turned into a reading advantage for me.

 

I apply this concept to other aspects of my life; most recently to the subject of backpacking.In a past post, I wrote about my trip to Glacier National Park, and how it had a life-altering impact on me. A subplot in this post centered around backpacking. 

 

I enjoy day hiking, but I declined an offer from my friend, Tom to backpack with him. Tom is an inexperienced backpacker who challenged himself to hike in the backcountry armed only with knowledge from YouTube videos, and a healthy cash donation to REI.  

 

His 4 day/3 night trip turned into a 6 day/5 night experience due to dehydration, electrolyte imbalance, and physical exhaustion. Despite these barriers, Tom succeeded in his quest and enjoyed the experience. Further, he feels that he bonded even closer to his son, as they had to work together to accomplish their goal.

 

I am happy for Tom’s accomplishment, but I am also grateful that he brought me a wealth of information on this topic. I had thought a lot about backpacking and read extensively on it, but third-hand data can only yield so much real-world details. Through Tom’s narrative, I was able to get an up-close understanding of the experience. What were the primitive campsites like? How did he go to the bathroom? What would he change in future hikes? What were the positive things about the experience? What gear did he wish he brought? What equipment that he brought was unnecessary? It is one thing to watch a YouTube video from an athletic 25-year-old backpacker, it is another thing to listen to a 52-year-old guy’s first time out. Tom’s story gave real context that allowed me to visualize myself in his situations.  

 

My personality is such that I get enjoyment from learning information and skills. As a new area of interest, the topic backpacking offers both opportunities. Additionally, my solo day hiking trips revealed something about myself that surprised me. Despite being a loner, I very much wanted to share my experiences with someone else, and I wanted to do that sharing in the first person.

 

I already had a sleeping bag, and I decided to buy an inexpensive lighter weight tent. Other small purchases followed: a blowup pillow, Smartwool socks, a better headlamp. 

 

My next phase was to try out new behaviors in a controlled environment. I set up my little tent in the living room, unrolled my sleeping bag, and climbed in for a nap. Success!

Setting up my backpacking tent in my living room. Making sure my sleeping bag fits (and taking a little nap).

When Tom came off the trail he gifted me all of his Mountain House freeze-dried food with the statement, “I’ll never eat that stuff again!” I have eaten MH on occasion and found it reasonably palatable. However, Tom ate Mountain House for all of his meals, and quickly became sick of his soft and lukewarm diet. I would likely have a similar reaction, and so I have been exploring other simple backpacking meals. In fact, I have created a few homemade “freezer bag” meals that my official tester (my daughter, Gracie) said tastes better than the commercial stuff. 

Trying to rehydrate pasta and my own dehydrated veggies. Rehydrating commercial freeze dried veggies. Making my own freezer bag meals that will be compared with a MH meal.Thanksgiving dinner in a freezer bag. Just add hot water and wait 10 minutes! My meal rehydrated.

 

The next phase of my experiment will be to attempt a backyard sleepout. I’m curious if I’ll be able to stand up straight after sleeping on the hard ground all night. Pending the weather forecast, I will likely do this in the next few days.

 

So, will I backpack? Unfortunately, I have run into some pitfalls in advancing this process. My goal was to do a three-night hike with Tom next summer when he travels to Yellowstone National Park. When I mentioned this to him, he was receptive but informed me that he was thinking about a 5-6 night adventure rather than a 3-night trip. This long trip would not be wise for me based on several factors. Tom is younger than me but in similar physical shape. Despite drinking a lot of water, he became dehydrated, and due to the sequelae of electrolyte loss simple movement became difficult for him. It is also clear that he became physically depleted after day three of his hike; this was his energy limit based on his level of physical conditioning. Any additional days became ordeals for him to conquer rather than enjoy. I would likely have a similar experience. Lastly, the way that he coped with this exhaustion was to lengthen his trip, advancing his adventure from 4 days to 6 days. This expansion would be multiplied with a more extended trip. For instance, a 6-day trip could turn into 9 or 10 days. Based on all of this, it would be foolish for me to consider such a long hike. I did suggest to him that we go on a few short local overnighters, which would allow me to check out my ability in situ, but as of this moment, he isn’t too interested.

 

What about other options? It would be great to hike with my son, Will, but he has no interest. Julie has never expressed a desire to go backpacking. My other kids are busy with their lives, friends, and activities. 

 

I am starting to explore the option of an organized club or Meet Up group, but I wonder if the cohorts would be too advanced for me. I have even pondered finding someone on Craigslist, or some other public forum. What would I say in an ad? “Wanted a middle-aged or older guy who has never backpacked who would like to go backpacking with someone equally inept.” For some reason, I don’t think I would get a lot of takers.

 

At this point, I am enjoying learning about a new topic and testing out new skills. If this hobby advances further, all the better. With that said, I believe that learning new things is always useful, even when the knowledge doesn’t have an immediate practical purpose. Seemingly specific information can often be generalized. For instance, my ability to develop decent freezer bag meals is directly related to the many years of hotel room cooking that I did when I worked 2 days a week in Rockford.

 

My goal is to enjoy the journey and not negate the process by only focusing on the end game.

 

Today I told you about my backpacking transformation, but the same techniques can be used when dealing with much more difficult problems. In fact, these rules also apply to other issues, even trauma. There are several factors necessary to turn an unwanted experience (a negative) into one that is desired (a positive).

 

1. Understand the process. 

2. Explore the pitfalls. 

3. Practice the behaviors. 

4. Evaluate if the overall outlay of time and energy are justified.

 

This methodology works, and so I thought I would pass the tips on to you. 

 

Peace

Facing Mr. Kustom-The Secret To Success

Facing Mr. Kustom

Seven AM and I’m back from my morning walk. One-third cup quick cook oatmeal, two-thirds cup water, microwave for two minutes. Some mixed nuts, a few dried cranberries stirred in; I’m eating breakfast, and I’m feeling anxious.

I’m not usually an anxious person, but I do have a distaste for the unknown. I also have a dislike for the over-stimulation that driving to Chicago during a Monday rush hour brings.

Seven thirty and it is time to get into my Promaster. Gigantic and white, my wife refers to him as the “White Whale.” I have named him Albus, as a nod to the imaginary headmaster of Hogwarts who transformed the lives of others through magic.

I’m not suggesting that my work van is magical, but with some effort, it will be transformed from a bare truck into a camper-van that is capable of taking me to magical places. However, for this magic to happen, I will first need to stretch my personal comfort level.

To be honest, I still not used to driving Albus. He is enormous, and a master of blind spots. His two large mirrors help, but I’m still getting used to them. The thought of facing road construction traffic as I steer him is the source of my anxiety.

I pull myself up into his cabin, and I strap on my seatbelt. I dial in Google maps, paste in Mr. Kustom’s address, hit “start.” Soon I’m on I-88, then I-294, then I-90. I cling to the right lane as I drive. My sweet Google Assistant’s voice guides me but doesn’t lower my anxiety. I glance at the clock on the dashboard, and it is now 8:25. My appointment is at 9 AM. Despite padding my travel time with an extra 30 minutes, it looks like I may be late. “You can’t change traffic Mike, you need to accept where you are and let go,” I tell myself. Traffic chugs along, and soon I’m on Irving Park Road. I find a spot on the street, and wait for the store to open. I have 5 minutes to spare.

Now inside the store, my anxiety lessened, I find a spot among the three waiting chairs which seem out-of-place as they are awkwardly planted in the main showroom; I sit, knowing that the job will take 9 or more hours.

———————-

I have already finished a graphic novel on Joel Kupperman, of Quiz Kid’s fame, lent to me by Julie, I found it both a fun and interesting read. I now write, more to fill time than anything else. Albus is getting windows put in, two on his rear doors, and one on his sliding door. The salesman suggested adding an additional window on the driver’s side panel, but I’m already at my financial limit. The windows will make Albus more drivable, and add light to his interior when he becomes a camper. The windows are necessary, which is why I drove to Chicago, and why I’m patiently sitting as I listen to reggae music blaring over the store’s music system. Today is the beginning of his transformation. Tomorrow, he will have a hitch installed. In about two weeks I’ll drive to Colorado by myself to have Wayfarer vans install a modular camper interior that will include a floor, walls, ceiling, bed, and a kitchen. I’m looking at the Colorado trip as an adventure, but I’m only allowing myself a few days to get there and back, which adds time-stress to the mix.

After the Colorado trip, he will become a useable camper, but there is still more to do. A roof fan, though the wall power port, swivel seats, the list goes on. I’ll tackle these jobs with the help of my friend, Tom. Having a knowledgeable person to brainstorm with definitely helps me feel more comfortable and less anxious.

The goal is to make Albus a good camper by the end of August, but he won’t be completed until fall. There are many steps ahead.

Anything and everything can be a learning lesson. Today’s lesson is that sometimes you have to go through unpleasant steps to achieve the desired goal. I know that the windows will be put in and by tomorrow I’ll be on to my next project. The discomfort that I am experiencing today will soon be forgotten.

In my life, I have had many “no pain, no gain” experience. One of the reasons that I believe that I have been successful is that I have an excellent ability to do a cost analysis when it comes to the task at hand. I’m willing to expend substantial effort and to experience significant discomfort if I feel that the outcome is worth it. Conversely, I am unwilling to put out small effort and slight discomfort if I think that the desired result is unlikely. I’m also persistent, and very consistent. I used to think that everyone felt and functioned as I do, but I know now that this is not the case.

Most people want a good life, but they don’t want to expend the effort or experience the discomfort necessary to achieve that outcome. Do you want financial security? Spend less, and put more money in the bank. Feel that you are working beneath your intelligence level? Go back to school, retrain, or look for a better opportunity. Miserable because you are dealing with something that is out of your control? Accept it, or leave the person/situation.

I understand that some of you may be muttering, “Easy for him to talk, he’s a doctor.” Yes, that is true, but the way that I became a physician was by following the above principles. I come from a blue-collar background and didn’t have the opportunities that others had. However, I can be as tenacious as a bulldog when I need to be. We can’t always have everything that we want. In fact, sometimes we have to give up things that we do want to obtain something that we want more. That is life.

As an aside, I believe that you can accomplish goals while still being kind and generous to others. I find no joy in hurting or putting down someone.

Dear reader, It is easy to blame life, others, or God for not having what you think you deserve. The “Secret to Success” is that there is no secret. The sourness of a distasteful task is quickly remedied by the sweetness of a goal achieved.

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