Category Archives: Anxiety during COVID-19

Life During COVID-The New Normal?

My writing process is simple. I base my post on whatever I happen to be thinking about, and what I am thinking about is often stimulated by world events or personal activities. I never seem to lack for a topic. However, that appears to be changing. My life has become so routine that new activities are limited, and exciting writing topics are on the decline.  COVID-19 stories dominate the news, and I have written quite a few posts connected to that topic.  But how much can I write about COVID-19?  Hold on to your seatbelts; here is another post.

The current health crisis has dramatically changed my lifestyle. I’m not bored, and I’m still productive.  However, a routine day is, well…very routine.  Yesterday, I walked to my friend’s townhouse project.  We chatted for a bit before I took his MacBook Pro and started to write a blog post for his construction website.  Tom kindly went to get bagel sandwiches for breakfast.  I was left alone to write about home remodeling, a subject where I can’t claim expertise.  It’s not that I’m unable to put a coherent story together, I’m more concerned that I’ll phrase something incorrectly and somehow embarrass my friend to his more knowledgable readers.  With that said, I wrote the post to which I added the construction photos that I had taken over the last few days.

Writing Tom’s blog post on a makeshift desk.

Before Tom had a chance to review my writing, his friend Wess arrived.  Wess is a talented carpenter who has worked with Tom for decades.  He was “volunteering” his Saturday to help Tom remove a large bay window, that space being repurposed for a sliding patio door. Tom and Wes usually converse in Polish, a language that I have no comprehension of. Recently, Wes has made an effort to talk in English, which has been much appreciated, and it allows me to join in. 

Wes and Tom discussing the project’s next phase. It is amazing what you can learn about something by just watching and listening.

The morning transitioned into the afternoon, and I headed back home and emersed myself into one of my obsessive interests, technology.  Julie had given me a pair of AirPods at the beginning of the year, and I love them.  When I become interested in a topic, I want to know everything about it.  In this case, I was interested in the difference between my costly device and much cheaper clone products. I understand that most would find such an exploration utterly dull, but it held my concentration for hours. 

Spending hours becoming an “expert” in Bluetooth earbuds.

After a few telephone calls to loved ones, it was time for dinner; the offering was Domino’s pizza.  Domino’s has a low ranking on my pizza desirability chart, but my kids love it. The group’s lively conversation quickly extinguished any negative feelings about the pizza dinner.  As a family, we have worked hard to eat dinner together and to focus on interacting with each other. Our meal was filled with talk, laughter, and a lot of kidding.

Julie suggested that we all play a game, but board games are not my thing.  We reached a compromise; I took a shower, and the others played a game. Later that evening, we were glued to the family room TV, rewatching a few episodes of Battlestar Galactica.  We viewed the show with the same enthusiasm as some might when watching a football game. The show concluded it was time for bed.

I took a shower while the family played a game.

A perfectly routine day.

I have had disturbing dreams as of late.  I wouldn’t call them nightmares, but they are unsettling.  A recent one had me repeating both graduate and medical school, as I wondered if I could still take on these arduous tasks.  Such dreams are a window to my subconscious and suggest hidden stress to me.

I pondered the question of stress this morning as I sat in the big chair in my study. I contemplated my current life and asked myself, “What is wrong? What is missing?”  I centered myself, closed my eyes, and opened my mind to a stream of consciousness.  At first, my mind was blank, but it soon was flooded with images and sounds. These are some of the ideas that flowed over me.

Despite talking to my siblings daily, I was missing them terribly.  Before COVID, we had developed many in-person activities, “Sibling Breakfast,” “Sibling Lunch,” and random visits for coffee and conversation. I longed to see them in person.

Although I see my friend Tom nearly every day, I missed the spontaneous and crazy things that we did before the pandemic—driving into Chicago at sunrise just to have breakfast at our favorite greasy spoon, going on camping adventures and road trips, exploring locations. 

Tom and his son-photo from a camping adventure.

My friend John had invited me to spend a few days at his Florida home.  Julie and I had booked a flight before the pandemic but had to cancel it months ago. Speaking of trips, Julie had I started to go on them as a couple.  We would find a cheap airfare to somewhere, and the two of us would explore our destination.  I missed traveling. 

Massive engines from one of the stages of the Saturn rocket. Exploring Houston on a random trip.
Discovery Vegas with Julie.

Three of my children have returned home, two from college and one from the Peace Corps.  My college kids had to complete their spring semesters on-line.  My Peace Corps daughter had to leave Africa and a teaching job that she loved.  Their loss makes me feel powerless. 

William showing us his campus.

Last year I took Violet the campervan on many adventures.  She currently sits idle in my driveway.  There is no place to go during this explosion of infection.  I feel guilty about Violet. I feel like I’m letting her down. I invested a lot of time and money into her.  Once a symbol of my retirement freedom, the pandemic has reduced her into an icon of what I can’t do.

Violet the campervan sits idle.

I am a photographer, and I have continued to do photography work.  However, I have a keen interest in landscape and cityscape photography.  However, it isn’t feasible to travel to a town or bucolic pasture to photograph these subjects during this time.

A door from an abandoned college that I found in a small town west of Chicago.

I’m not much of a shopper, but I miss the ability to go to a store for a single item.  I now limit my shopping to only grocery stores, which I go to once a week. Trips are currently done as purposefully and quickly as possible. There is no time to try or discover exciting new products. 

I miss my daily walks to Starbucks and the quick but pleasant chats that I had with my favorite baristas and the early morning coffee crowd.

I miss my walks to Starbucks where I would chat with friends and write.

I miss going to the movies, and “sneaking” in a bag of popcorn. 

I miss going to cheap restaurants—places where I could sit down and enjoy my food without the worry of preparation or clean up. 

I miss making new friends.  I miss family parties.  I miss catching up with my cousins.  I miss getting dressed and going to church on Sunday.  I miss the act of standing next to a neighbor when chatting with them on the street. I miss the smell of a campfire. I miss… I miss so much.   

Joining hands to give thanks last Thanksgiving.
a snapshot taken at Christmastime at church.
Rain and umbrellas. Camping with the cousins.
Christmas in Minnesota.

I explored all of these thoughts and pondered how they were connected. Many contained a grain of spontaneity and a sense of a future.  What would I do tomorrow?  How can I plan for my next activity?  Before COVID, I could anticipate an adventure with Tom, or a trip with Julie, or an upcoming photo project. This has changed with the routine regularity of my current life.

I like to shake hands. I want to give hugs. I like to push my creativity.  I like to feel free.  I want to feel safe.  I like to be responsible, and I love being mischievous.  

Activities that I do have an impact on who I am. I am in the process of grieving over who I no longer am. My world has changed in a matter of months.  I want my old life back, but I may have to accept the ways things are now.  I think this is the conflict that fuels my sense of “missing.”  and “missing” is just another name for loss. With loss comes grieving.

Dear reader, I have worked hard to simulate those things that I can no longer do. However, a simulation is like saccharine, still sweet, but with a bitter aftertaste.  

As the crisis has continued, I have tried to keep my interests alive. I do order food from those restaurants where I formally dined-in.  I have made an effort to take creative photos.  I  call my sisters and connect with my friends in many ways.  It is all good, but these good things still have the aftertaste of a synthetic solution.

That is to be expected. Will life return to normal, or will I need to accept my current situation as the new normal?  Either way, I plan to make the most of it.  Every day is a gift, never to be repeated.  I can’t waste today pining over what I have lost.  I have to accept my feelings as real, and I need to respect them.  However, I cannot submit to them.  I have to live in the present and plan for a new future. That will be my effort.

Peace

Mike

Improving Emotional Health During The COVID-19 Pandemic.

It has now been over 12 weeks that Illinois has had a shelter-in-place order, and although some of the restrictions are easing, life is not back to normal.  Also, COVID-19 is still a threat.  This dynamic duo has impacted us on many levels, ranging from economic to physical well-being to emotional health.  It is this latter point that I would like to address today.

As a psychiatrist, I worked to explore ways to reduce the emotional impact of this crisis on my family and me. That is not to say that the pandemic has not impacted me.  On a personal level, I have noticed a higher amount of irritability and sensitivity.  Although I’m usually an optimistic person, I have had a few more down days.  Most significantly, I’m experiencing more nightmares.  This latter fact is an expression of anxiety that I’m effectively masking during waking hours, but seeps out when I’m sleeping. As Illinois restrictions have lightened, new challenges have emerged. Toilet paper scarcity is no longer an issue, but now I have to decide how much social interaction is safe. 

I’m not psychologically perfect, but  I do believe that I have done well by utilizing a variety of psychological techniques.   

Here are some of the coping tools that I have used. You may find them helpful when dealing with your social isolation.

Accept your feelings

It is normal not to feel normal during a crisis.  This is an unprecedented time in world history.  You may find yourself more irritable, slightly more depressed, or a bit more anxious.  These feelings are not failings; you are reacting to a difficult time.  With that said, if these emotions are pulling you down, it is essential to try to control them.  Many of the suggestions below can help you feel healthier.  However, if your emotional state is severely compromised, you must seek help.  

Even during a crisis, you have to live.

Maintain a routine.

Over the last 12 weeks, have you had times when you weren’t sure what day of the week it was?  I have. We are creatures of habit, and most of us do well when we follow a routine.  A routine not only gives us structure, but it also frees up psychological energy.  We don’t have to think and plan mundane activities when we follow a pattern of behavior. There are many ways to develop a routine. An excellent place to start is to mimic your regular wakeup time and bedtime.  Another easy routine activity is to make sure that you get dressed in street clothes as soon as you get up.

Keep up with hygiene.

Shelter-in-place rules have made it more challenging to keep up with traditional grooming, such as getting a haircut.  As rules relax, it is essential to assess your particular needs and risks when deciding to return to a barber or stylist.  However, hygiene issues have a more basic side. When you are isolating alone, it is easy to put off washing your hair, taking a shower, or even brushing your teeth.  However, it is critical to do these activities just as you would if you were out-and-about.

Go outside.

Even during the height of restrictions, it was OK to leave your house for a little fresh air.  The risk of getting COVID-19 during a socially distant walk is extremely low, but the benefits to your emotional state are significant. I try to go on a walk by myself or with family members every day.  

Spending family time with an outdoor activity.

Reach out to others.

One way to feel less socially isolated is to be less socially isolated. But how can you do that when you are required to have limited contact with others?  Facebook is OK, but my feed has turned mostly into ads and memes.  The more connected that you can make any communication, the better.  A text conversation is preferred to reading your Facebook feed; a phone call is better than a text message; a video call is better than a phone call.  There are some individuals in my life who I have made of point of calling every day.  My goal is to show them that they are important enough for me to reach out to them regularly. Some of my contacts are video calls; some are voice calls.  I try to augment my voice calls with photos sent as text messages or email attachments. Regular calls to people who you love is a win/win way to spend your time.

Talking to our extended family on Easter.

Find your own space.

If you are sharing your living space with someone, it is not only important to share time; it is also important to have alone time.  Find a place in your home where you can be alone. I go to my study and my wife “chills” in our sunroom.  We have five adults living together, and we are fortunate that our residence has enough space for each of us to have a private spot.  I understand that not everyone is as lucky as we are.  However, even claiming a comfy chair can give you a place to get away. 

My wife chills in the sunroom.

I isolate myself in a chair in my study.  To the right of the chair is a window where I can explore what is happening on the street.  To my left is a small table with a lamp.  At the moment the table is holding a cup of coffee and my phone.  On my lap are a lap table and the MacBook that I’m typing this post on. It is a simple set up that allows me to have some private time where I can be as productive or unproductive as I choose. 

When I need to isolate I do it in my study.

Limit the news.

News in the US tends to be sensational.  “If it bleeds, it leads.”  Too much news can be agitating and does little to enhance or inform.  Try to limit your news to known reliable sources and “ingest” it no more than twice a day.  Having a cable news service on 24/7 will likely make you feel more agitated and depressed.

Learn new skills, revisit old ones.

I have a friend who is spending some of her isolation time learning about house plants.  I know others who are tackling simple home projects.  

Before the pandemic, my wife and I were empty nesters.  We have had to readjust to having a full house with the return of three of our children.  When it was just the two of us, it didn’t make much difference if we cooked or went out to dinner.  However, with the return of the kids came daily meal preparation.  I am a competent cook, but coming up with a regular meal has been a drag. With that said, the thought of an exclusive diet of microwave meals or fast food burgers turns my stomach.  I have returned to alternating cooking meals with my wife.  When I cook, I involve my kids in meal preparation.  Their participation makes the task more enjoyable.  I have also resorted to conjuring memories of my mother’s weekday cooking.  She was an excellent cook, but many of her meals were simple or one dish concoctions.  Cooking for my family has made me feel productive, and I’m glad that I can provide them with something that they can look forward to.

Cooking with my kids makes the activity more fun.
Meals don’t have to be traditional. Here bacon and homemade waffles made for a very nice dinner.

Institute conversations at home.

Although there are periods where I need my alone times, there are other times where I want to connect with my immediate family.  We try to eat dinner together, and we do this at the dinner table.  We limit electronics during dinner, and we often use “conversation starters.”  One of our favorites is “rose and thorn.”  Each family member talks about something good and something bad from the day.  Rose and thorn helps us know what is going on in each of our lives and serves as a springboard for additional conversation.

Institute activities at home.

There are many options here, and it is crucial to find an activity that everyone enjoys. A family movie, family game night, family craft night… the list goes on. Structured activities allow for easy interactions.

A family game can be a fun way to interact with each other.

Redefine holidays and important events.

There have been several important events that have happened during our shelter-in-place time.  In our case, we celebrated Easter, several birthdays, and Mother’s Day, but we modified the events to fit our new restrictions. We have made an effort to extract those traditions that are important and changed them to fit our current situation.  

Celebrating my wife’s birthday.

In our neighborhood, I have seen an explosion of lawn signs celebrating everything from birthdays to graduations. Our neighbors are tackling the same issues that we are. Do what you can to keep special events special.

Neighbors have gone to elaborate lengths to celebrate events safely.

Be kind to yourself.

You would think that shelter-in-place would be a perfect time for me to tackle all of the household projects that I never seem to have time to do.  However, I can tell you that I have been less likely to do heinous projects during COVID-19.  I simply don’t have the desire or energy to do repetitive or borning tasks.  Why?  I believe that it is partly due to the fact that I’m expending a lot of energy coping with life in a pandemic.

By all means, clean out a closet or organize a spice rack if you have the desire to do so.  However, be kind to yourself and back off the guilt if you don’t want to. That stuff will be waiting for you. 

Expand your social circle responsibly.

Most things that we do have both risks and benefits.  The secret to success is to balance these two oppositional forces.  During the first few weeks of isolation, I found myself feeling more irritable and somewhat depressed.  I was missing the daily contact that I had with a friend. He was also socially isolating and was at low risk for being a coronavirus carrier.  I started to visit him in his backyard for short chats, which made a world of difference in how I felt.  

As restrictions ease, it may seem like the battle is over, and life is returning to normal. That is not the case.  It is important to connect socially, but it is also essential to weigh the risks and benefits of any social interaction.  Remember, it is about both the viral load and the length of exposure.  Places that maximize both of these factors are the most dangerous to be in, places that minimize them are safer.  Do get out and enjoy life, but do so in a responsible way.  Naturally, common sense activities like wearing a mask and handwashing are critical musts.  Remember that the ultimate loss of freedom is death.

Reach out for help if needed.

The above tips can help you deal with the COVID blues.  However, some individuals will experience depression and anxiety that goes well beyond the typical.  If you are experiencing significant depression, debilitating anxiety, or thoughts of harm, it is imperative that you seek professional help. Contact your doctor, hotlines, or your local hospital if needed.

I hope you have found these mental health suggestions helpful in dealing with the stress and anxiety that this global disaster has brought us.  We will get through this; tomorrow is another day.

Peace 

Mike