Holy cow, it seems like grocery prices go up every single week. However, cooking from home still saves you money. Have you gone out to eat at a restaurant lately? You need a second mortgage to pay for dinner!
You may recall that when my wife returned to the paid workforce my kids were up in arms. They had been used to homemade meals and now they felt assaulted by having to eat fast food and frozen pizza. My work schedule had changed as I was on the forefront of using telemedicine and was home at dinner time a few days a week. They asked me to make dinners, but I refused! Well, actually I didn’t refuse, I said that I would start cooking, but they would need to become my assistants. I had the devious plan to teach them how to cook real food from scratch. I also wanted to educate them on my way of cooking. I shop frugally, plan carefully, and clean up as I go.
Despite my crafty subterfuge they seemed excited to join “Cooking with Dad, Thursdays.” In reality, we had a lot of fun as I taught them practical cooking skills. Over time, my cooking role increased to more days a week and each time I would post a gather time on our group chat, and they would show up. We talked, told jokes, and laughed as we cook and it was everyone’s responsibility to clean up after we ate. They all became competent cooks.
This weekend brought a special treat as two my my daughters were visiting, and my son was home. It was time for a special edition of “Cooking with Dad.”
I like to eat out of my pantry and so I gathered the ingredients that we needed to make a hearty chicken and dumpling soup (or stew if you make it a bit thicker). I always like to credit the originators of a recipe, but I can’t in this instance as I heavily modified it and I can’t remember the original source. Alas.
This is a very flexible recipe that uses simple ingredients and an electric pressure cooker. You could easily adjust the time and make this dish in a Dutch oven on the stove if that is what you have. The ingredients are very flexible, so I won’t list quantities, but I’ll be more specific in the photos.
Ingredients
Butter and oil
Carrots/Celery/Onions
Chicken/Chicken Broth
Seasoning
Dumplings
1 and 1/4 cups flour
2 t baking powder
1t salt
2T melted butter
1/2 C warmed milk
Place your electric pressure cooker on saute and add some cooking oil and butter.
Add cut up/chopped onions, carrots, and celery. The amount we used was 1 onion, 3 stalks celery, and a small bunch of carrots. You can vary your amounts based on what you have on hand. These amounts were what we had on hand. Soften the vegetables for a few minutes.
I added a big spoon of “jarlic,” but fresh garlic or ever garlic powder would work. Cook for another minute. If you are using powdered garlic, just add it and go to the next step.
I seasoned the chicken with salt and pepper. I had eight chicken thighs, but you can use less, perhaps four if that is all you have. You can use any type of chicken: a cut up chicken, breast meat only, chicken strips, whatever you have on hand. I removed the skin and bones after the chicken was cooked.
The seasoning is simple. I added a heaping teaspoon of poultry seasoning. You could add a little more or a little less, and it would be fine. I added around 1/3 of a teaspoon of black pepper and about 1/2 of a teaspoon of salt. I also added a bay leaf. I went light on the salt as I would be adding bouillon, which is salty. I adjust the spices at the end of cooking. I mixed the spices in and cooked them for about 30 seconds before moving on to the next step.
My daughter mixed up 5 cups of water with some chicken-flavored, Better Than Bouillon. If you had homemade broth or boxed broth that would work too. If you use less chicken, go with 4 cups of liquid.
I added the chicken into the pressure cooker (Instant Pot) and pressure cooked for 13 minutes. These were large thighs, if I had smaller pieces I would have pressure cooked for around 10 minutes. I immediately released the pressure when cooking time was done.
This is what the dish looked like after pressure cooking.
My son removed the chicken and shredded the meat using two forks. He discarded the skin and bones.
I mixed up the dough ingredients. You don’t want to over mix; it will look a bit rough.
I took the dough out of the bowl and folded it over a few times to form a ball. Then I placed it on a floured surface and rolled it out to no more than 1/8″ thick. I have a rolling pin, but you could use anything heavy and round, including an old wine bottle. You can see that this isn’t a professional rolling job. It doesn’t matter. I cut the dough (very roughly) into 1″ x 2″ squares. A pizza cutter would be ideal, but I just used my knife.
The pressure cooker was placed again on saute until the contents were bubbling. Then my other daughter added the dumplings individually so they wouldn’t stick together. She pressed them down in the liquid with a spatula to gently submerge them. The dumplings were cooked for 10 minutes to fully cook them.
Towards the end of the dumpling cooking time I added around 2 tablespoons of corn starch mixed in a equal amount of cold water to the bubbling mixture. This will thicken the soup.
I put around 3/4 of a cup (you can vary this from 1/2 C to 1C) of sour cream in a bowl and added around 1/3 cup of the hot soup to temper the sour cream. This will prevent it from curdling when you add it to the soup. I added this to the soup for a creamy quality. If you don’t have sour cream you could use heavy cream, half and half, whole milk or even condensed milk. each would impart their own quality, but it would still be delicious.
Here it is ready to be served. Oops, I forgot to remove the bay leaf! I do that now.
All served up. My daughter made some cornbread. I like adding a slice to the soup and breaking it up. My wife contributed by making an excellent tomato, cucumber, and avocado salad. It was a delicious dinner. It fed 5 adults, and there are leftovers for around 3 lunches.
This is a great recipe because it is so flexible, and it uses ingredients that most have around the house. If you have less chicken use a little less broth (4 cups instead of 5). Use whatever chicken you have, it is all good. Vary the vegetables quantity (within reason) as you wish. Use homemade both, boxed broth, or (as I often do) water plus bouillon or Better Than Bouillon. Don’t have sour cream? Try heavy cream, or even evaporated milk. I bet cream cheese would work.
Add a simple bread product (even crackers) and the meal is complete. My wife’s salad was a wonderful addition, but it is an extra and not required as the soup already has vegetables in it.
Don’t have an electric pressure cooker? You can certainly make this on the stove, it will just take longer to cook.
This seems like a winter soup, but we just had it on a hot August day. We enjoyed it just as much as if we made it in January.
Don’t be afraid to cook, you have to start somewhere. Give this soup a try.
Today’s post is a bit different from some of my recent ones, but its intent is similar. Today, I want to talk about financial literacy and the crisis that the next generation faces. This is not a doom-and-gloom post. Hopefully, it will offer some hope. What I am about to suggest is not a short-term strategy. Most get-rich-quick pitches are scams.
Like many, I’m plugged into social media, and it has been distressing to see how many people are suffering due to runaway inflation, a soft job market, and crippling debt. Apparently, we are getting new tariffs again, which will most certainly increase prices further. This impacts all of us, young and old.
There is a trend that I have noticed on social media among younger participants. It is a hopeless feeling, as if there are no reasonable paths for their futures. They were told to get any college degree, which gave them debt but no job. They feel that they will never be able to afford a home, get married, or have children. This has caused some to “doom spend” and use their charge cards for everything from exotic trips to daily Starbucks runs. It has caused them to buy cars with extraordinarily poor loan terms. It has caused them to eat out more than they can afford and then do DoorDash for the convenience of not having to travel to a drive-through. Their attitude is, “I’m going to spend money now; I could die tomorrow.” Such spending is promoted by advertisers who emphasize ridiculous statements such as, “You deserve it!” and by credit cards, Payday loans, Klarna, Afterpay, 30-day no-interest financing- and all of those tools that make it easy to have what you want, when you want it, even if you don’t have the cash. Credit makes you feel good now, but it enslaves you later.
I’m a retired guy, and at the moment, I’m reasonably set. I don’t worry if a car needs a repair or if the hot water tank springs a leak. It is a tremendous relief to not have constant money fears. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “You’re a doctor, of course you are set!” However, it was impossible for me to do many of the things that doctors do to build wealth. My life situation would not allow it. I did do some of those things, but I did other things, less glamorous things, on a daily basis that positively impacted me as much as any financial investment plan. Those things are rarely talked about on YouTube videos. However, they are critically important. My success in retirement started at a very early age and depended on decisions and habits I’d built since I was 18. At the time, I did not think that those things would financially impact me in my retirement, but they certainly did, and in a good way.
Before I get into those habits, let me first give you the advice that every financial adviser will tell you. Invest as much as you can from as early an age as you can, and you will reap the benefits in the future. Everyone knows that $10,000 invested at age 20 will have a much greater revenue-gaining effect than $10,000 invested at age 60. Both are good, but the compounding nature of the market makes early investment a no-brainer. Per the EveryDollar app, $10,000 invested at age 60 with an 11% return (the average stock market return) will grow to almost $30,000 at age 70. However, $10,000 invested at age 20 will yield over $1.3 million at age 70. I knew medical students from wealthy families who were investing in their 20’s, but most of us couldn’t. Why couldn’t I? I was broke.
However, I did have one secret weapon: the power of critical thinking. I have always been less bound by emotions when it comes to any financial decision. This has been my saving grace. Let me walk through some aspects of my life to illustrate this point.
When it came time for me to go to college, my father told me in no uncertain terms that my only option was to go to the local community college. My best friend, John, was going there, so the idea wasn’t repugnant. However, at the time, I did have some resentment about the lack of options. However, in retrospect, my dad was right. The community college was nearly free. I’m an excellent student and did very well there, and moved on. Let’s face it, English 101 is the same at a community college as it is at an Ivy League school.
I didn’t have anyone to guide me after I graduated with an Associate’s Degree, so when it came time to apply to a 4-year university, I only applied to one school. I chose a state university as it had very reasonable tuition. My dad agreed to fund me for two years there, which was a huge plus. Naturally, I made sure that I graduated with my bachelor’s in two years.
My dad used his Chicago political connections and got me a job as a school janitor during the summers, which started in my high school years. Here is the embarrassing part: I was assigned to the same high school I attended (my dad’s sense of humor?). My peers saw me cleaning toilets, chipping gum off the bottom of seats, and mopping floors. Alas. But heck, I was making money.
When I started working as a janitor, I was well below the required hiring age. When a union rep asked me my birthday, I panicked and gave him a date that placed me somewhere in my 30s; I was 16 at the time. He commented on how “young I look for my age,” and snickered. However, clout is clout, and there was no adverse consequence from my faux pas. I banked seasons of summer earnings, working during my high school years and through college; I was responsible for all my personal expenses the moment I started to work, from shampoo to socks. This made me very aware of the cost of things, a benefit for adult life. As an aside, I also learned how to mop a floor with the best of them!
I’m an academic type of guy, and I was clear that I wanted to go to graduate school with a goal to eventually become a university professor. When it came time to continue my education, I applied to more than one grad school, as I had learned a thing or two by then. I matriculated to the school that offered me two things: a 100% free ride with a stipend and a location close enough that I could live at home to save on housing costs. I had done so well academically that my parents were more than willing to let me live at home rent-free during my grad school days.
When I was an undergrad, I was able to use some of my janitorial savings to buy a new car. What was it? A Pinto, that is the car that exploded if it was rear-ended. It cost me $2,700 new. That was about as inexpensive as you could buy a new car in those days. Yes, it was a piece of junk, but it did allow me to commute to graduate school from my parents’ suburban home. I bought the Pinto for cash. A practice that I have repeated many times with future cars. Could I have bought a more expensive car if I had gotten a loan? Of course, but it wouldn’t have gotten me to school any faster. During grad school I married and moved out to my own place.
I finished my Master’s degree and was moving towards a PhD when I had an uncontrollable desire to quit graduate school and apply to medical school. Remember that I talked about critical thinking earlier in this post? Well, critical thinking told me to keep working toward a free PhD instead of applying and possibly not getting into medical school. It was a crazy battle in my head, but medical school won out. I left my graduate program with a Master’s degree, got a research job at the University of Chicago, and applied to med school. Amazingly, multiple schools accepted me. I wanted to go to Northwestern, but it was the most expensive school that I was accepted to, costing several thousand dollars more a year. I was in a quandary and asked my PI (the research project’s principal investigator), who simply said, “Go to Northwestern; it will work out.” This would be the first time I would have a tuition burden, but I took his advice because I felt I would have the earning potential to pay it back.
After med school, I did my residency also through Northwestern, but the pay was nothing to write home about. In fact, when I was named Chief Resident of Psychiatry, my salary was only boosted by $100 per month (before taxes). I was on my own, now separated and paying child support for my daughter. I was poor. My peers were living in nice apartments, driving expensive cars (one was driving a BMW), and going on exotic vacations. Most had other financial means. I was counting my pennies and living in a basement apartment. I did use a charge card, but I always paid off my balance at the end of the month. I drove an extremely basic car and furnished my apartment with cast-offs, including end tables that I found on trash day. I cooked my own meals and packed a lunch every day. I made my own coffee in the morning and then drank the free coffee (if you could call it coffee) that the hospital provided to staff on the medical floors. I had a budget of $20/week for food, and I stuck to it, often eating foods from the “shop generic” aisle. However, because I lived within my means, I was debt-free except for my student loans, which were deferred throughout my 4-year residency.
I actively networked with established doctors, so I had a job before I left my residency. It was very hard for me to cold call doctors and ask them for something, but I did it because it was necessary. This is another lesson: sometimes you need to do things even if they make you uncomfortable.
I took a job, got a slightly better apartment, and (crazy me) bought a brand new V8, 5-speed Mustang Convertible. That was the only time I took out a car loan, but I paid it off sooner than the 3 years allowed. I also started to aggressively pay off my medical school loans. By then, I was divorced (it took years) and was paying my ex-wife a large percentage of my salary in alimony. Naturally, I was poor with all of this cash outlay despite being a practicing doctor. However, my frugal habits once again helped me. I cooked at home, packed a lunch, kept my entertainment simple, and even managed to creatively date. I can honestly say that through all of these adventures, I never felt sorry for myself or even deprived. I had everything that I needed, and I was doing what I wanted to do. I knew that my plans were good ones, and eventually these times would ease.
I switched jobs, saved money, and bought a house that was bigger than what I needed for myself and my daughter. I felt it was a reasonable investment as it was in an up-and-coming suburb and would certainly appreciate in value. I did have a mortgage on the house, but once again I paid it off aggressively, years before its 15-year term. Here again, I practiced all of the things that I had learned through life. I cooked at home, packed a lunch, found less expensive entertainment, and vacationed in simpler ways, like camping. I felt extremely privileged. It would have been easy to use credit for the finer things, but what would that give me? I lived in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I drove a safe car. I did fun things. Going into debt would be a stress, not a plus.
I remarried, and my wife was happy to move into my existing house, where we still live over 30 years later and where we raised 4 kids (my daughter from my first marriage came to live with us, and we had three kids of our own). When my wife was pregnant with her second child, our accountant asked her, “How important is it for you to work?” She was only working part-time, and the income that she brought home would almost be completely absorbed by the cost of having two babies in childcare. We mutually decided that she would take a hiatus from work, and that hiatus lasted 12 years. When she finally returned to work part-time, we funneled all of her earnings into college funds, and we did that for several years. It was my sole responsibility to support myself, my wife, and four children. What to do? I had a successful private practice, but I always had a second job working for the underserved, as I felt it was important to provide services for the less fortunate. These secondary jobs never paid as well as my private practice, which presented a problem, but it was worth it as I felt that I was doing the right thing. Despite all of this, we were able to not only get by but to live well. The community that I chose years before had excellent schools and activities for the kids. The house was paid off, and it was increasing in value year after year. We had everything that we needed and more.
All of my doctor friends have larger homes than I do; many went on fancier trips, drove luxury cars, and had expensive clothes. I had a perfectly nice house, drove a regular car, went on camping adventures with my family, ate at home, and I continued to pack a lunch. I had no debt. I felt secure.
What about investments? I did have a financial advisor, and he was sometimes frustrated with me, as during parts of my life I couldn’t contribute, or I could only contribute less than what he wanted me to contribute to my investments. However, over time I was able to meet his wishes. I was in my 40’s before I could invest in a meaningful way, and being debt-free allowed me to do so with vigor in my 50s.
And there, dear reader, I have given you my secret to a secure retirement. I can summarize it in a couple of sentences. I always lived somewhat below my means; I kept debt to a minimum and got rid of it as fast as I could. I did without. I lived by my own standard: “Comparison is the thief of joy”. I invested in appreciating assets and, with the exception of the Mustang, carefully purchased depreciating assets. I never allowed myself to get into high-interest debt, such as credit card debt. I critically looked at every major thing that I did in life, making an effort to maximize value and minimize cost. In my case, I felt it was best to invest in myself rather than the market. When I established myself, I did invest. Would I have been a richer man if my wife continued to work, if we had fewer kids, if I somehow invested more earlier on? Most certainly, but I’m fine with my current level of security. Could I have extended myself and gotten a bigger house, a fancier car, gone on more luxurious vacations? Sure. Do I feel deprived in any way? Absolutely not. I am extremely happy and grateful for my life. Happiness and stuff are not mutually inclusive. Did I do everything to build wealth at all costs? No. I did do some things that were the opposite of that. I bought the Mustang; it was a foolish car, but it was a lot of fun. I worked in service jobs that paid less than my private practice. However, not only did I feel the need to do that, but it also gave me great satisfaction. Securing your retirement future is not about doing everything right; it is about doing many things right and fewer things wrong. Debt via easy credit is a millstone around your neck, and the sooner you start debt, the more the stone weighs. I’m no financial guru; I’m just a guy who followed common sense rules.
If you feel that you need to go into debt now to have stuff, I am asking you to do anything possible to avoid that. Companies that extend credit do it to transfer your money into their pocket. Spend money with intention, invest as much as you reasonably can, as soon as you can. Find the balance that works for you. I felt that my education was an appreciating asset for me. I felt that my wife staying home with the kids for 12 years was an appreciating asset in my children. I felt that having a nice house in a good neighborhood with no debt was more important than having a giant house with a big mortgage in a gated community. I felt that spending time with my family as we discovered the world in our camper was every bit as good as flying off on an expensive holiday. What good would it be to be fabulously wealthy if my kids just saw me as an ATM? At the same time, what good would it be if I pinched every penny to the point where we lived miserable lives? If you can use your money to meet basic needs, you can find a multitude of economical ways to enrich your lives. My willingness to eat generic bologna sandwiches in medical school gave me the freedom to upgrade my apartment to somewhat better accommodations, and that conservative apartment allowed me to buy a house, and so forth. Now, when my wife wants to go on a nice trip or out to dinner, I say, “Sure.” She also spent conservatively during the early years. Yet, I guarantee that my kids never felt deprived, and they all have great memories of the car trips and camping trips that we took. I cooked many meals with them, and my kids became competent cooks. I fixed things with them, and all are willing to tackle a simple repair project. All of them have traveled abroad now that they are adults, but at the same time, they are also sensible with their spending.
Despite what advertisements and influencers say, you can’t have it all. Why would you want that anyway? However, you can have some. Stop doom spending. Find purpose in your life; it is there. You may have to dig for it, but it is there. Celebrate every day. Write a gratitude list and read it daily. Stop believing the BS that you see on social media and don’t buy a crappy, useless get-rich-quick course that some yahoo wants to sell you. Building security is a slow process; that’s OK. Even during my poorest times, I found ways to be happy and to have fun. I wish you the same.
Peace
Mike
Me from a couple year ago on a camping adventure out west. I traveled in my homemade adventure van. A fabulous trip with fabulous memories!
With the astounding inflation that we are experiencing, one pot meals offer both convenience and value. When I was at the market yesterday, I spied a two-for-one sale on chicken breasts. Perfect! I thought. I had just watched a video where the presenter made a complete pasta and chicken dish in their Instant Pot. Simple, filling, and delicious. I already had most of the ingredients, and I could fudge the ones I was lacking. Dinner was about to be served!
When I use the term “Instant Pot” I’m actually referring to any electric pressure cooker. They all work very similarly.
Here are the ingredients as well as the name of the YouTube channel that originally published the recipe:
The ingredient list may look long, but the recipe is really very simple. Putting the dinner together took me about 10 minutes.
Here we are, ready to go. Cooking is easier if you gather all of your ingredients beforehand. I had everything needed except the chicken, which I picked up on a 2 for 1 sale.
The only real work for this dinner was cutting up the chicken and chopping up an onion. Let’s face it, that isn’t too much to do.
I had a two-pound box of macaroni, and the recipe called for 1 pound. I could have eyeballed it, but I have a kitchen scale, which is useful for so many things. Kitchen scales are very inexpensive. I think this one was around $10 (I have had it for a long time and don’t remember the exact cost).
Place the Instant Pot (or any electric pressure cooker) on sauté and soften the onion for a few minutes in some olive oil. You can use any cooking oil that you have on hand, but olive oil is nice.
Add the spices and cook them for about 30 seconds. This will bring out their flavor, but don’t let them burn.
Add the garlic. Fresh garlic is nice, but I’m using “jarlic” (garlic in a jar). In a pinch, you could use granulated garlic. Cook this mixture for around a minute. If using granulated garlic, just mix it in and move on to the next step.
Add the chicken and sauté it for a few minutes. Naturally, stir it around.
Add the spaghetti sauce and the water/broth and mix. In this situation, my sauce was a smaller bottle than what the recipe called for, so I added some tomato sauce to bring the total up to 40 oz. I added the 2 cups of hot water with the amount of chicken bouillon enough for one cup. I wanted the richness of a broth but I didn’t want the pasta to be too salty. Remember, you can always add salt when the dish is complete. I also added about one teaspoon of oregano to the tomato sauce to simulate a pasta sauce. I think I could have used the spaghetti sauce that I had and just added water to make up the 40 ounces too. The dish would have had a little less tomato flavor, but it would still be delicious. Remember, this is family cooking. It just has to taste good.
Add the dry pasta. Don’t mix it in, instead gently submerge it in the sauce. I used macaroni, but any small pasta would do. If you mix the pasta in some of the pasta could burn to the bottom of the pot.
The original recipe advised cooking under pressure for 5 minutes and then releasing the pressure. I like less al dente pasta, so I cooked it for 6 minutes. However, I felt it was still too hard. No problem, I just turned on the sauté function for a few minutes (with the lid off) until the pasta was the perfect texture. Many times it is possible to save a recipe with just a little problem-solving. After the pasta was completely cooked, I canceled the sauté function. Different shapes of pasta cook at different times, so you may need to adjust your pressure cook time a minute or two one way or the other once you have the recipe down. Additionally, you can always go with 5 minutes and use sauté to complete the process if necessary. Remember, you can always add time, but you can’t subtract it.
Here I’m using my scale again, this time to measure out 8 ounces of Mozzarella Cheese. I wouldn’t add more than this. If you don’t have 8 ounces, a few ounces less would also work.
I added both the Mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses to the pot and covered it for a few minutes to let the residual heat melt them. Once melted, stir the mixture. It will thicken as you stir it.
Here you can see the finished pasta. Very rich and creamy.
Earlier in the day, I threw together the ingredients for my flax seed bread in a bread maker. Measuring the ingredients took around 5 minutes. I then pressed a button and walked away. Three and a half hours later, I had a fresh loaf of homemade bread. It was still warm by dinner time.
Here is the cheesy chicken pasta, plated with some of my homemade bread. It was delicious, but the recipe made an absolutely massive amount of food. My wife and I both had it for dinner, but we barely put a dent in it. We will eat some of the leftovers over the next two days, but we can only eat so much. I hate to waste food, and I’m unsure how well this dish would freeze. Next time I will half the recipe.
Parenting is such a strange business. It is probably the most important thing most humans do, yet it receives the least amount of training.
When I was younger, I never wanted to have children, as I had been told that kids were a burden, an expense, a disappointment, and they caused problems in marriages. To be honest, I was a great disappointment as a child, and I can’t blame my father for my genuine shortcomings.
I was a “surprise” seven years after he already had his perfect family of four. I didn’t give him much to brag about. I was a huge kid, perfect for football. However, I was clumsy, horribly coordinated, and blind in one eye, making it impossible for me to even catch a ball. He told me he loved me, but his actions demonstrated a different reality. I’m not here to crap on my father. He provided me with food and shelter. He did the best he could; he was just done parenting by the time that I came along.
My head was always in the clouds, always thinking, always solving problems, always exploring scenarios. Mr. Wizard on TV became my virtual dad and hero, and teachers became my cheerleaders. However, the overall message was clear to me. Kids are problems; don’t have them.
I have always wondered how things work, why things work, and how I could modify things to do other things. A weird kid, I know.
That all changed with the birth of my first daughter, Anne. How could anyone not love that beautiful baby? I realized that my fear of having children was based more on my fear of being a father. I was a poor-quality son, and somehow that meant that I would be a poor-quality parent. I was terrified that I didn’t have the skills to do the job. I was afraid that I would be an inadequate dad. How could I teach my child sports when I was so awful at them myself? Isn’t that strange? I focused on the one thing I was terrible at and framed it as the sole necessary ingredient for fatherhood.
Sometimes marriages are mismatches, and that was the case with my first marriage. We divorced, but I made a commitment to do the best that I could to be a good dad to my daughter. I assumed that she would be my only child. Note to self: never make assumptions.
I dated a number of wonderful women during the years that I was single. I genuinely liked them, but I can’t say that I loved them. I committed to myself that I would not marry again unless I was sure. This eventually led to the certainty that I would live a single life. Over time, I stopped dating altogether; then I didn’t.
I met my wife by chance, and we hit it off. At the time, she was in the process of earning her PhD, and I was already a medical doctor. We married, but held off having children until she was near the end of her schooling. She was healthy, and I already had a child, so we were certain that getting pregnant would be a walk in the park. It wasn’t. Pills, shots, procedures- we did it all. Finally, a procedure called IUI was advised. It worked, and we had our first child together, a daughter. A few years later, we followed the same protocol and had our second daughter together. I was certain that we were done, but we were surprised by a bonus baby, a son whom we named William.
By then, I knew I couldn’t be a perfect parent, since no perfect parent existed. All I could be was me. However, I could be an intentional parent. But what was my goal? My objective in parenting? It was simple. It was my responsibility to raise my children to be successful adults. That was it, one goal, one mission. You may have your own idea of what successful means. Perhaps it involves a title, a job description, or a salary. In other words, something tangible. That was not my definition. For me, it meant they would be able to support themselves financially. That they had the tools and education to accomplish what they wanted to do. That they were critical thinkers and not sheep. That they had healthy self-esteem and faith in themselves, but not the false self-esteem created by the idea that everyone gets a participation award. That they had the life skills to function as an adult, and that they were kind and compassionate human beings who realized how fortunate they were and how some others were not. It was their responsibility to use their gifts and abilities to move the world in a positive direction, even if that movement would be minuscule.
Of all, being kind was the most important. When I was young, adults would remark how kind I was. I was never a tough kid the way a boy “should” be. I worried about others, I could sense their distress, I wanted to help them. I saw my kindness as a great weakness, a flaw. Another imperfection that made me different. However, I came to realize that it was one of my great strengths. Treating others with respect opens the world, and the act itself makes the planet a better place for all.
How did I accomplish my parenting goal? I tried to be a good parent. I tried to be reliable. I admitted to them when I didn’t know something. I taught them what I knew. How to cook, how to fix things, how to camp, how to see the wonderment that is all around us, how to be grateful. How to be creative, how to critically examine information, how to be kind, how to give back, how to love, how to respect, how to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, and so on.
I let them know how much they were loved, but I also had expectations for them. Those were not expectations to make me look good, they were expectations to use the gifts that they were given to their fullest. This is what I could do for them; it would have to be enough.
I have a deep, never-ending love for all four of my children and savor the times when we can all be together. Those events bring me joy. However, I also love those rarer situations when I can spend time with just one of them. Each child is a bit different, yet amazing in their own regard.
My son is the only child still at home. He is constantly busy with his social life and pursuit of a PhD. My wife works some evenings, and these are often times when William and I spend some time together. We will make dinner together and sit down and talk. The worm has turned, and he is more up to date on scientific theory and procedure than I am, but I’m still capable of contributing to the conversation. At other times, we may talk about world events, my life, his life, or even his friends. I’m interested in their lives, too, as they move into adulthood and follow so many different paths.
My son is smart, actually very smart, and approaches complex topics with a relaxed ease. He is a social creature who easily makes friends, so he always has a story to tell of an adventure or to relate. Most importantly, he is kind. I can’t think of a time when he was deliberately mean to another person. He treats people with respect, and he treats me with respect. I do the same to him, as he is no longer the kid I taught to fix an outside faucet or cook a steak over an open campfire.
A few months ago, he wanted me to watch one of his favorite movies, “Dune.” We did this to our mutual enjoyment, and at the end we decided to continue the franchise by watching “Dune Part 2.” Life got in the way, and that never happened. The other day, at dinner, William said, “Dad, if we don’t schedule “Dune 2,” we will never watch it. I agreed and pulled out my calendar. We would do it the following Tuesday, as Julie would be working that evening and we could have a boys’ night. Naturally, it would involve food, a menu suitable for such an occasion.
On Monday I went to Aldi and picked up some brats, buns, potato salad, a can of pork and beans, and some chips. I couldn’t find sauerkraut for the brats, but Julie kindly stopped by the little store around the corner from her office to pick some up for the event. We were all set.
Aldi only had this enormous box of brats. If I made six, we would have enough for dinner, Julie, and even the next day’s lunch. What to do with the other six?
Yep, I had to make a plug for using a vacuum sealer. The other six are safe and sound in the freezer for another day.
The day before, William suggested that I crack open the bottle of Angel’s Envy bourbon that he gave me for Father’s Day. Dear reader, I’m not much of a drinker. In fact, I’m a lightweight when it comes to any alcohol. However, I do like a rare shot of bourbon on occasion. A few years back, Julie and I were trying to salvage a vacation and spontaneously decided to travel Kentucky’s bourbon trail. It was there that I discovered Angel’s Envy and its silky smooth delivery. Julie bought a bottle, but I never remembered to replace it when it finally emptied. Ever listening, William remembered this and thought it would be a nice Father’s Day gift. Sort of an adult son to his “old man” Father’s Day present.
William worked from home on Tuesday as he was learning a piece of software that analyzes gene sequences. By 5 PM, he was done for the day, and the two of us set about the task of making dinner. Into a pot went the brats. Out from the fridge came the potato salad; into another pot went the pork and beans, which I added some mustard, catsup, maple syrup, and bacon bits. The table was set with paper plates, and dinner was served. Conversation followed as we talked about our day.
I like to par-cook the brats before putting them on the grill. This pot has a can of beer, water, and some onion flakes. Real onion would work too. The trick is to only simmer the brats (do not boil) for around 20 minutes. At that point, they will be fully cooked and ready to crisp on the grill.
On the grill, they went to brown up.
My mom always “doctored up” canned pork and beans. I do the same with a little mustard, catsup, maple syrup (or brown sugar), and bacon. Yum!
A perfect guy’s dinner. Brats with mustard and sauerkraut. Beans, potato salad, and chips. Of course, we served it on a paper plate. Who wants to wash more dishes than they have to?
We worked together to clean up and then had a short break before we started the movie. I poured a couple of shots of Angel’s Envy for the big event. It felt strange pouring a drink for my son, but he is 25 and no longer a kid. To be clear, we had one drink each. It felt more ceremonial rather than anything else.
We each had one shot of Angle’s Envy. It was more ceremonial than anything else.
It had been months since we had seen “Dune 1” so William filled me in on the story as I already had forgotten large portions of it. “Dune 2” is a long movie, at times slow moving, yet engaging. Since it was only the two of us we were free to banter as he reminded me of the various roles and motives of the characters. For sure, it was an enjoyable evening.
In this commercialized world we are told that the best parents offload parenting by sending their kids to classes and summer camps. Every child must go to Disneyland, fly in a plane, have catered birthday parties, wear designer clothing. Honestly, I think that all of that is BS. A child should spend time with their parents. Parents should teach their children how to act, how to critically think, how to celebrate life. Time with you kids doesn’t have to involve the use of a platinum credit card. Playing a game, going on a hike or bike ride, critically examining a news story. For me, those activities are more valuable.
As a child I learned that children were a burden. As an adult, I discovered that they were a joy. Kids are not a bonus designed to make parents look good. They do require quite a bit of time, effort, and money. Isn’t that the case with many things that we deem valuable?
My evening with William may seem ordinary to you, but for me it was priceless. As he ages there will be less of these special times, but it is my hope that there will be some.
Peace
Mike
A photo of William and me from a father/son camping trip that we took a year or two ago.
Inflation continues, and many are struggling. This is another post in my series to help people get through these difficult times by using common-sense principles.
By now you know that I’m a fan of soups and one-pot meals. I have made a number of bean and lentil soups, and they are all similar, yet a bit different. Bean soups are extremely flexible and forgiving. Ingredients can be added or removed, and you can still get an excellent, delicious end product. Bean soups can also be extremely economical. A 20-ounce, 12-16-bean variety sack costs only a few dollars; the vegetable ingredients are cheap, and the meat can be anything from an Easter hambone to cut-up hot dogs.
This recipe made over 5 liters of soup, plenty to feed a large family. Only two of us were home when I made this, so we had quite a bit left over. The good news is that this soup freezes well!
Recipe adapted from the website, “Valerie’s Kitchen”
Cut up the vegetables. Exact amounts are not important.
Prepare your spices. Don’t add salt until you can taste-test at the end. The ham is already salty, as is the broth.
Here is the meat that I used. The ham bone was a gift from my sister, who had it left over from Easter. I froze it and used it all of these months later. I also had a couple of strips of bacon in the fridge. I used these for their grease and for their bacon flavor. If I didn’t have the bacon, I would have used vegetable oil. The meat that you use can vary. Try sausage, other smoked meats, or even sliced hot dogs. You can also omit the meat for a vegetarian dish. However, the meat adds a lot.
You will need around 6 cups of liquid for the recipe. That can be 4 cups from a box of stock plus two cups of water, 6 cups of broth, or, in my case, 6 cups of water with some chicken bouillon granules. I only used about a tablespoon of the granules, as they are pretty salty.
Here are the beans that I used. They are the Aldi brand and were of very good quality. I believe they were a couple of dollars. You should dump the beans and sort for broken/moldy ones as well as small rocks. This bag was very clean, and I only had about 5 beans to discard.
To soak or not to soak? That is the question. With a pressure cooker, you can use unsoaked beans by extending the cook time. I tend to soak when possible, as I believe that it makes the beans more digestible and less… hmm. Well, you know what beans can do. Pro Tip: I added a pinch of baking soda to the soak. This helps old beans hydrate better. I soaked the beans in plenty of water, overnight in a covered bowl.
Here are the beans after a night of soaking. I drained off the old water and rinsed them before adding them to the soup.
The recipe calls for 8 ounces of crushed tomatoes, but I used a whole can. If I didn’t have these, I would have used any tomato product or even condensed tomato soup. Remember, you are cooking for a family and not following some sort of heirloom recipe.
I also used my usual jar garlic. Would fresh be better? Likely, but this works too. If I didn’t have this, I would have used powdered garlic granules.
Let’s go! I rendered the bacon for its fat using the sauté setting on my electric pressure cooker (think Instant Pot). Don’t worry about the crispy stuff on the bottom of the pot; I will take care of that in a bit.
After the bacon rendered, I added the onions and cooked them for a few minutes to soften them. The onions released a lot of liquid, which made it easy to remove the fond (the flavorful, burnt-on crust) with a wooden spoon.
In went the carrots and celery, as well as the garlic. I continued to cook this mixture for a couple of minutes.
Then my spices. If you cook the spices for a bit, their flavor is intensified. However, be cautious, as you don’t want to burn them.
Now the soaked beans. Remember, you can use dried beans too, you would just need to cook them longer.
Now the chicken broth and the can of tomatoes.
Lastly, the ham bone. My electric pressure cooker is pretty full. Perhaps a bit more than it should be. However, we are going for it. A pressure cooker should be no more than 2/3 full. Probably less if I were just making the beans alone.
All of this is very simple. Now it is time to place the cover and pressurize. Since these beans were soaked, I cooked them for 25 minutes. When the cooking was done, I let them sit for at least 15 more minutes before releasing the steam. If the beans were not soaked, I would pressure-cook them for about 45 minutes and also let them rest for 15 minutes.
As an aside, I looked up this pressure cooker, and I have been using it for over 8 years. I can’t say enough about how useful pressure cookers are. Stove-top units last forever, but you have to watch them. These electric ones are also very robust. It seems that the Instant Pot craze is waning, and you can buy a new 6-quart electric pressure cooker for well under $100. I checked Facebook Marketplace and saw several used 6-quart models (a good size) selling for between $20 and $50. The Instant Pot brand is good, but so are many other brands. My unit is not an Instant Pot, but it works great.
After cooking, I took out the hambone and removed any meat, which I added back to the soup.
I tasted for seasoning, and no salt was needed. I did add a few shots of hot sauce (optional). I used a stick blender to blend some of the beans to thicken the soup. You could also mash the beans using a wooden spoon, or just leave the soup as is.
Here is the soup, plated and served with some of my homemade whole-wheat bread. The bread was made with a thrift-store bread maker that cost me $6.99. Why an avocado garnish? It was going ripe, and I needed to use it up. Necessity is the mother of invention! I also added a little grated Parmesan cheese. The soup was extremely filling and really delicious. There will be leftovers for several lunches and for freezing for a future meal.
Making food from scratch is much more economical than eating ultra-processed foods. Additionally, the food tastes so much better. I put together the bread’s ingredients in less than 5 minutes, pressed a button, and had a fresh loaf 3.5 hours later. The soup took less than 10 minutes to prepare, and then the pressure cooker took over automatically. Easy peasy.
Times are tough, but cooking from scratch and shopping at Aldi can save you both money and frustration. If you don’t have a pressure cooker, you can make this soup on the stovetop; it would just take longer (4 hours?). I’m pretty sure you could also make this soup in a slow cooker on low for 8-10 hours. If you go with either of these two methods, you will need to soak your beans overnight.
Earlier this year, I published a post on making banana bread using the classic Betty Crocker recipe. That recipe makes two loaves and uses buttermilk.
There are dozens of banana bread recipes, so I thought I would post another one. Why? Because this one is as simple as it gets and uses the most basic of ingredients. It is very likely that just about anyone who cooks will have the ingredients to make this single-loaf recipe.
In our home, bananas can be discarded when they are overripe. Turning them into banana bread transforms trash into treasure. A nice, thick slice can serve as a to-go breakfast. If you are single, it is easy to make a loaf and then freeze individual portions for breakfast, dessert, or a mid-afternoon coffee break.
You can dress up this recipe in a variety of ways. I added a little vanilla. Other add-ons like a handful of chocolate chips, walnuts, or dried cranberries are delicious. How about a dash of cinnamon or pumpkin pie spice? Want your own signature bread? Brown the butter or use brown sugar instead of white sugar. Want to make the recipe as simple as possible? Just follow the standard recipe. This recipe is from AllRecipes.com. Ready? Let’s go!
Oven Temp: 325F or 160C
Screenshot
Mash the bananas. I’m using a hand mixer, but you can use a mixing spoon if that is all that you have.
Add the melted butter, sugar, and egg. I’m also adding around 1 teaspoon of vanilla.
Mix it all up.
In a separate bowl, mix the flour and baking soda. Note: Use baking soda, not baking powder; they are two different products.
Add the dry ingredients to the wet ones.
Mix just until combined. You will have a thick batter. Then add the salt.
Scrape down the sides of the bowl and mix in the salt.
Pour into a greased 4″ x 8″ baking pan. If you have a slightly larger loaf pan, that is OK; the loaf will just be a bit flatter. Bake at 325F for 1 hour. My oven can run hot, so I checked it after 45 minutes. The bread looked baked, but inserting a knife into the center showed it was still raw inside.
The top was already browning, and to prevent it from burning before the center was done, I covered the pan with aluminum foil and returned it to the oven.
I set a timer for 10 additional minutes and checked again… still raw in the center. It actually took about 25 additional minutes before it was fully baked. Here is the finished bread cooling on a cooking rack. It is important to test the bread to make sure that it is done. Normally, my oven bakes things a bit faster, but in this case, it took a bit longer. By checking the center with a knife, I made sure that the bread was completely baked.
There you have it, the simplest banana bread recipe that I know of. Remember, you can do any of the above additions to make it even more special. Don’t have an oven? I have a friend who makes a delicious banana bread in his rice cooker! If there is a will, there is a way.
I have been on a journey to rediscover reading for pleasure. A journey that has had many twists and turns since childhood. Like most things that I do, this rediscovery has practical implications. Let me explain.
The early issue
You may recall from previous posts that I had significant problems learning how to read. I attended a Catholic grade school in the 1960s, where learning was expected, and processing problems were not understood. At a 2nd-grade parent-teacher conference, my teacher, a nun, told my parents that she thought I was very bright, so my reading problem must be due to poor vision. She was certain that I needed glasses. This was not met with joy from my dad; glasses were expensive. However, he was a dutiful Catholic, and I was taken to the Optometrist. Honestly, I was pretty excited as my young brain completely trusted the nun’s evaluation. Soon, I would be able to read! The glasses came, and I eagerly put them on. I could not read. I was horribly disappointed. Worse, I thought my father would be furious with me. He had spent an enormous amount of money, and I was once again disappointing him. I had to do something, but what?
The real problem
When you are in 2nd grade, and your only point of reference is yourself, assessing a problem can be difficult. Being unable to read hampered my ability to research solutions. I was completely on my own. What were my observations? It was very difficult for me to define letters. I had classical reversals; b’s could look like d’s. I had a great deal of difficulty discerning individual words or sentences; “he said” looked like “hesaid,” and “It is sunny outside today” looked like “Itissunnyoutsidetoday.” I also had trouble distinguishing between lines of text because they merged into a single line without separation. When I looked at a page of text, it was one gigantic soup of symbols all bunched together, changing their shape at will.
When other kids were thinking about lunch, I was thinking about the meaning of God’s injustice or why humans fought in wars instead of cooperating with each other. In other words, I was already an odd kid who learned to hide my differences so I could fit in. Now I had the realization that my brain was malfunctioning, further separating me from my peers. No one could know. I had to hide this defect, just as I had to hide all the other things that made me different. I wanted to be accepted not only by my peers but also by my dad.
The process
I had to come up with a solution; failure was not an option. I knew that I had limited abilities. I was clumsy and introverted. I was blind in one eye, so I had no depth perception. I would compare myself to the other boys in the class who were more athletic, more social, and cooler. I did not measure up. The same comparisons were done at home, with similar results. But teachers kept on telling my parents how smart I was. I could sit at the piano and play a song by ear that my sister had been practicing for weeks. I was already designing experiments to test ideas that my mind would not let go of. I saw connections in everything.
My miswired brain
My wife has joked with me in the past, telling me that I have an autistic brain. She is a clinical psychologist, so there may be some merit in her musings. My brain does seem to be wired differently; I don’t think linearly as most people do. Instead, I see pools of information that intersect, merge, separate, and reconnect. This crazy brain has both disadvantages and advantages. Instead of me processing A + B = C, I see A + B = a dozen possibilities. My thinking process takes much longer than most. Data acquisition is slower and sometimes more painful. I remember taking a physics class in college. I sat down on a Friday night (proof that I’m a nerd) to do my homework, and it didn’t make sense to me. I repeated the exercise on Saturday night. Still, it made no sense to me. Sunday morning, lightning struck, and the solution became abundantly clear as pools of data started to merge, separate, and merge again. The material became simple and logical. One problem led to many solutions, and I became the person who broke the curve in that class, much to my classmates’ chagrin.
The reading solution
Back to second grade. What to do? I already got my glasses, and I was failing at the task. If I told the nun that they didn’t help me, she might think I was really dumb, and I liked the fact that she thought I was smart. It made me feel special. I certainly could not tell my dad, he already had a negative opinion of me. Reading had become an essential part of learning, but I was failing at it. The kids around me were breezing through the text, and I was seeing an alphabet soup that looked like Egyptian hieroglyphics. Think, Mike, think! God would not give me the gift of intelligence and then cruelly deny me a way to use it. But what to do? The answers eventually came in the backseat of our old Nash Rambler on the way home from church.
I had taken the Sunday comics with me. I couldn’t read them, but their story lines were graphically simple and enjoyable. Could they be the solution to my reading problem? One cartoon stood out, “Nancy.” This was a strip with a very simple storyline. It used easy words, and the creator wrote in all caps. Many of the speech balloons had only a handful of words, with generous spacing between them. With effort, I could separate the words, and over time, I could do this quickly.
Nancy comics were easy to understand graphically and employed simple text, all in caps, and with good letter spacing.
After I mastered “Nancy,” I needed more material, but the options were limited. This was the 1960s, and parents didn’t buy kids books. We did have a bookshelf in our front hall that was loaded with ancient books of all sorts. Old encyclopedias that schools had tossed out, a giant Bible, “The Lives of Saints,” all were too advanced for me, but then I came upon what I needed. On a lower shelf were several readers from the 1940s that had been discarded by schools. It turns out that my oldest sister loved those books, which is why they were preserved. They offered me the next step in my reading solution: three volumes, each representing a different reading level.
You may be wondering why I didn’t use the books I was given in school. I don’t have an answer to that, but I guess that they were too threatening, too traumatic. I had already failed at using them, so I had to find my own path. I needed a solution that allowed me to move at my own pace. These primers were that solution.
Two of the three primers that I used to teach myself how to read. These are from the early 1940s and I believe they cultivated my love for that period of time.
The books were immensely more complicated than Nancy comics, and I had to face all of the issues that I had faced before, but now I had success with the comics, and I didn’t have the pressure of having to read them in front of the class. I came up with many solutions to my processing problems, from cutting out a window in a sheet of paper to isolate individual lines to reading shapes instead of letters. It was agony, but then suddenly it wasn’t.
The books were simple, but much more complicated than the comics. I had to employ other methods, such as creating a slit in a sheet of paper to isolate lines. I also focused more on the shape of a word rather than the individual letters. This seems to help (for some reason) my ability to separate words from one another.
Reading opened up my world and highlighted my talents. I couldn’t get enough information. Those old encyclopedias became my launching pad. The local branch library became my university. In the 4th grade, I took the state-wide achievement test and scored higher than anyone in my 1-8th grade school. In some areas, I was scoring as high as a junior in high school. Reading gave me that advantage. Now the nuns were telling my parents, “Michael is very special, God has plans for him.” That was just the ego boost I needed to move forward and trust my instincts and myself.
But my reading has always been slow and ponderous. I read slowly because I have to do a lot of gymnastics in my brain. I no longer have to do all the tricks I originally needed, but I’m still processing a sea of data. I’m a slow reader, but I have excellent comprehension. That can be a two-edged sword.
My passions
I stated many times in past posts that I have always had three passions that constantly drive me. I love to learn, teach, and create. Every aspect of my life is centered on these three pillars. I have never stopped reading, but I tend to read things that deepen my understanding. It matters not what that understanding is. One day, I may want to compare the Noah’s Ark story with its origin myth in the “Epic of Gilgamesh.” The next day, I may be more interested in the design differences between two breadmakers. It makes no difference to me.
However, such a drive can limit pleasure reading. There are so many novels that are enriching, yet don’t offer overt data. Of course, they offer so much more than just a story, as many question humanity, relationships, and drive on a level no clinical text can match. I know this, but textbook-type information is so much more accessible, so I tend to drift in that direction. Oh, gads, this just came to me: “Mike this is why people tend to eat ultra-processed food instead of healthy food. It is concentrated and more accessible.” See how my silly mind jumps from one topic and relates it to another. That is what I have to deal with constantly!
Reading novels and other non-technical books.
I know that reading beyond informational materials would be beneficial to me, so I have made efforts in the past to do so. I can’t say that I was ever a voracious reader of novels, as I’m a slow reader who tends to overprocess. With that said, I found reading non-technical material was both enjoyable and broadening. I especially liked it when an author could introduce me to information that changed my opinion about something. That was always exciting.
The medical school dilemma
Medical school ruined my pleasure reading. The first two years are didactic, and the amount of information that a student is expected to learn is astronomical. Tests are not based on broad concepts; they are based on footnotes. Students are selected for their academic prowess, so the test discriminates at the level of minutiae. This was vastly different from my graduate student days, which were more focused on concepts rather than memorizing random facts.
I found that I started memorizing everything I read, which ruined reading for me. That horrible process plagued me for many years.
The drive doesn’t end, and a new problem
I am always acquiring knowledge. I am always learning. I am always thinking. I guess you would call me a dilettante, since everything interests me, and I go from one topic to another. In my professional life, I had to be an expert; in my retired life, I can learn as much or as little as I choose to on any topic. This flexibility has been immensely pleasurable for me.
The Internet has opened up a world of data, and I have been greedily gathering it. One day politics, the next making meals in a pressure cooker, the day after that quantum theory.
YouTube has been both a blessing and a curse. Its algorithms draw me in by presenting one topic after another. I can get trapped in hours of viewing, but if I stay too long on the platform, it seems to have a deadening effect rather than an enlightening one. It is very hard for me to stop watching, which has affected me on multiple levels. My viewing can prevent me from doing necessary household chores, exercising, or exploring creative outlets like photography or writing. I call this the ice cream phenomenon. A bowl of ice cream is delicious, but a carton of ice cream makes me feel sick. Yet there are times when I want a carton of ice cream, and I have to use willpower to keep myself from eating it. Like eating a carton of ice cream, I have had to use psychological techniques to limit my YouTube use. A little YouTube enlightens me, but a steady diet of it actually dulls me and prevents me from living my life.
The sleep issue
I used to be a deep sleeper, but this changed with the birth of my first child over 40 years ago. Suddenly, I would wake at a pin drop. This has continued to this very day. My sleep is always disturbed, but usually manageable to some degree.
When I was working, I had sleepless nights, but I thought that would change when I retired, since my days would be mostly stress-free. However, my sleep can still be terrible, often waking for hours in the middle of the night. Something had to be done.
As you can tell by the preamble, I’m a problem solver, and I explore possible explanations for any given problem. What was the cause of my insomnia? I don’t drink caffeine products in the evening, and I do the usual sleep hygiene things. Yes, I may need to get up to use the bathroom once or twice, but I have developed ways to make that less obtrusive. I also know a number of psychological tricks to fall back on when I wake, but I’m often too lazy to incorporate them. If I could identify a root cause, I might be able to find a solution.
One thing I did was watch YouTube videos before bed. Initially, I thought the videos were relaxing as I would fall asleep watching them. However, I soon realized that they were stimulating my brain in unwanted ways. The bright blue light from my laptop screen wasn’t helping, nor was YouTube’s algorithm, which always seemed to hook me into watching the next video. When I woke up at night, I sometimes opened my laptop and watched more videos. It was a never-ending cycle.
I started to notice a pattern: my wakeful periods were getting longer and longer, sometimes lasting from 12:30 AM to 4 or 5 AM. Initially, this insomnia would last a day, and I would sleep well the next day. However, they eventually transitioned into several consecutive days.
I had some ancient Klonopin in my medicine cabinet. The pills were over 10 years old, and in desperation, I would bite off a bit of the pill in an effort to reset my sleep. This would work, but I soon found I had to do it for several nights in a row to reset. Eventually, the pattern would return. The Klonopin was not the solution, plus I only had a limited supply. I needed to explore other options.
Options and solutions
I intuitively knew that YouTube was a major contributing factor, but I didn’t want to give it up. In some ways, it was a bit of an addiction. The more I watched it, the more I wanted to watch it. Depending on the content, it could really crash my mood. This was especially true of political shows. Yet, YouTube gave me a lot of good things, too. Clearly, I needed to take control.
My solution was simple and consisted of both biochemical manipulation and behavioral intervention. I knew that Klonopin had to be an emergency-only option. I decided to take a dose of magnesium and a microdose of melatonin at night. Neither had a dramatic impact, but they seemed to be calming.
I also knew I needed to give up late-night YouTube for a multitude of reasons: the content was too stimulating, the algorithm was too engaging, the computer screen was too bright, and the screen refresh rate (60-120 Hz) was too aggravating.
Instead of looking at this as a problem, I decided to approach it as an opportunity. Stopping nighttime YouTube cold made little sense. I needed a substitute, and that substitute was reading.
I love technology, so it was a no-brainer to go with an e-reader instead of a physical book. E-readers use a different method to control their lighting and a different screen technology called e-ink. E-ink only refreshes when you change pages, not at 120 Hz like computer displays. E-readers illuminate the front of a page like a physical book, not the page itself, as on a laptop. Front illumination is more natural.
E-readers offer an unlimited number of reading options, including many free and inexpensive ones. I could download books from my library using Libby, get free out-of-copyright books from sources like Project Gutenberg, or buy books from online bookstores like Amazon, Kobo, or Barnes & Noble.
At this time, I am reading “50 Masterpieces You Have to Read Before You Die” from Amazon. These 50 books are all out of copyright, so the entire collection was less than $2 to download.
An e-reader was the solution to my reading problem as it combined technology with reading. It also gave me flexibility, as I could download virtually any book and adjust any parameter of that book, from the font size and type to the screen brightness.
Transitioning to reading at bedtime was initially difficult. The experience was too slow-moving and not stimulating enough. I wanted to watch YouTube. My first few nights were frustrating, but that is now improving.
I don’t feel a need to stay up all night reading, and I find that reading a chapter or two is usually sufficient. Currently, I’m reading “The Jungle” by Upton Sinclair, which he published in 1906 (it actually was serialized in 1905, but it was published as a book in 1906). It is a story about immigrant abuse and the horrors of working in Chicago’s stockyards at the turn of the last century. I’m a Chicago Soutsider, so the stockyards are very familiar to me. The topic is timely as we continue to deal with immigrant abuse in 2026.
It appears that my sleep is slowly normalizing and that my treatment plan was correct. I’m very grateful for that. This solution highlights another point. We never need to wallow in problems when there are solutions at hand. Those solutions may vary based on time, situation, and need. Lastly, solutions can do more than just solve a problem. They can expand our knowledge and experience. They can enrich our lives and help us grow. That is, if we let them.
We live in a world of instant gratification. A time where we can have what we want without problem-solving. This will likely get worse as AI becomes more prevalent. However, as humans, we need to grow and solving problems is part of that process. Friedrich Nietzsche said, “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” A quote to remember.
Images are my own or from the internet and are used for educational purposes only.
Inflation is crazy, and my heart skips a beat when I go grocery shopping. Yet cooking at home still offers significant savings compared to eating out in any form. I’m a huge fan of one-pot meals because they are simple to make, tasty, and often provide leftovers for later.
Both my sister and sister-in-law do me a favor. When they serve a ham for a holiday event, they save me the remnants and the ham bone. I vacuum seal them and freeze them for future soup meals.
Today, I’ll be making a ham and lentil soup. The recipe is from AllRecipes.com, but I’m doing a looser version. Soups and stews are flexible, and a little artistic license has little impact on the end result.
I like lentils because they cook quickly and they don’t require pre-soaking. This Instant Pot recipe called for an 8-minute cook time with a natural release of at least 10 minutes. My lentils were old, so I wound up cooking them for around 15 minutes. You could make this recipe on the stove in a large pot, such as a Dutch oven. However, you would need to extend your cooking time to around 30 minutes, or until the lentils are tender. Not a big deal.
Lentils are nutritional powerhouses. They are high in plant protein and fiber. They are loaded with minerals. They are high in iron, so they can help with certain types of anemia. They help regulate your blood sugar and strongly support a healthy gut. Lastly, they are dirt cheap to buy and last forever on your shelf.
Lentils come in a variety of colors, and each has a slightly different cooking time. Most stores carry brown lentils, but there are also green, yellow, red, orange, and black varieties. Each has its own characteristics, but I successfully substitute whatever variety that I have on hand. One pound of brown lentils is often under $2 and contains around 2 and 1/4 cups. Most recipes use one cup of dry lentils, so you can see how economical cooking with lentils can be.
This recipe uses leftover ham that was gifted, about $1 worth of dry lentils, and some inexpensive vegetables, and it makes a ton of soup. Let’s get into the recipe!
I’m not going to follow the amounts exactly; instead, I’ll do my usual approximations.
I sautéed a chopped onion and a couple stalks of celery in some oil for around two minutes.
I added about 3-4 sliced carrots and sautéed the mixture for about 5 minutes.
I then added a generous spoonful of jar garlic. You could use real garlic or even powdered garlic.
Here are the spices that I used. I used about 1/2 teaspoon of each ground spice and a couple of small bay leaves. I briefly cooked the spices with the vegetables (about 30 seconds). If you don’t have all of these spices, use what you have. Oregano is a good one to have around, as it is useful in many dishes. Don’t use too much oregano, as it can impart a soapy taste to some dishes, if used excessively.
This is the hambone from my sister. I cut off the remaining meat and chopped it up. There was quite a bit of meat remaining. Less would have been fine. I could have cooked a few strips of bacon instead of the ham, then sautéed the vegetables in the bacon fat. It is easy to substitute similar for similar! The ham was added to the soup.
I added around 8 oz of tomato sauce, 4 cups of chicken broth, and I cup of water. If possible, use low-sodium chicken broth. I used bouillon. The soup was a bit salty from the bouillon and ham, but still delicious. You could also use water instead of chicken broth.
Add one cup of dry lentils. I like to rinse my lentils as they can sometimes be dusty.
Pressure-cook on high for about 10 minutes. I added an additional 5 minutes (15 minutes total) as my lentils were old (I bought them in bulk and have been using them for over a year). Let them release naturally for at least 10 minutes before depressurizing the Instant Pot. My electric pressure cooker isn’t an Instant Pot, but they all work the same way.
You can smash some of the lentils to make the soup thicker if that is what you like. I also added a little cornstarch dissolved in water to thicken ours. However, that is totally optional. Now taste and add around 1/2 to 1 teaspoon of pepper and salt to taste. I didn’t need any salt as my soup was already pretty salty from the ham and bouillon.
A little acid helps liven the flavor. I’m using around a tablespoon of sherry, but you could use some lemon juice or even a splash of vinegar.
I also added a few squirts of hot sauce (optional). This is the Aldi clone of Frank’s hot sauce.
I made a small loaf of whole wheat bread in my bread maker. I just tossed in the ingredients, and 3.5 hours later, I had this delicious warm loaf.
Dinner is served! Hearty and filling ham and lentil soup that was extremely inexpensive to make. I’m serving it with a little sour cream, but that is optional. My wife and I ate our fill, and there is so much left over that we have an extra meal, and I’ll still have plenty to freeze for later. The homemade bread made the meal special, and it was much tastier than anything from the grocery store.
Estrangement seems to be a popular trend. In fact, it is estimated that about 10% of adult children are estranged from their parents. I can certainly understand breaking off contact with a parent who was physically, emotionally, or sexually abusive. Likewise, I can understand a parent ceasing contact with a threatening or destructive child.
In my psychiatric practice, I witnessed parents who had no idea why their children broke off contact with them. These were people whom I had known for years and didn’t seem to present with significant abusive pathology. A typical scenario would go something like this: “I saw my son/daughter over Christmas, and everything seems great, then two months later, I got a text message telling me to never contact them again.” You can imagine how devastating such a text could be. Certainly, parenting can be difficult, and some parents can be difficult. However, does that justify completely cutting off a relationship, often without conversation or any hope of resolution?
I have also witnessed what I call partial estrangement when the child doesn’t completely break off contact; they just let it wither. Holidays and milestone dates go by unnoticed or barely noticed. There is a lack of interest in or engagement with the parent’s life, and, in many subtle and overt ways, the child makes it clear to the parent that the parent is unimportant.
As a parent, I know that we all make parenting mistakes. However, beyond those that I listed above, how many are unforgivable? What I discovered during my work life is that many adult children continued to seek the approval of parents who were clearly abusive toward them, and often, the reasons that some adult children broke off relationships with their parents were for “softer issues,” such as a parent who was overly controlling or critical, or had different political views. In many of these cases, no effort was made to talk things out or clear the air. The relationship ended with no hope of healing.
I have also seen situations where a married child eliminates contact with a parent due to spousal influence. This can stem from imagined insults that the spouse believes the in-law directed at them or from the spouse’s psychological pathology.
Let me be clear. There are situations where a parent does have some culpability. Some parents continue to try to control their adult child or have unrealistic expectations of the relationship. Some parents can act like jerks towards their child’s spouse. Some parents can continue to be critical of their children or play the comparison game with them. I’m not saying that limits shouldn’t be placed. However, it makes little sense to completely sever these relationships without a few serious, honest conversations.
I think estrangement is becoming more popular for a variety of reasons, from therapists suggesting it to social media that promotes it. I have seen posts on social media where parents pour out their hearts, wondering why their child suddenly cut off all contact with them. The comments in the post frequently contain hateful responses from individuals who have no knowledge of the situation, but are happy to add additional cruelty to the grieving parent. What is that all about?
I have also seen prideful parents who won’t reach out to an estranged child, expecting that some miracle will happen to bring them back into the fold. What does it take to say, “Can we talk about this?” Or, “I was wrong.” Or, “I’m genuinely sorry.” Pride before the fall.
A situation that I have witnessed is what I call the “You should know” phenomenon. This is when a parent asks what they did wrong or why their child is angry, and the child responds, “You should know what you did!” The parent has no idea what they did and therefore has no hope of resolution. This is a form of cruelty. It says that the child wants to maintain their ill feelings and does not want a resolution. Why? There are many reasons, but few are reasonable.
None of us can say what the future holds, including me. However, I know that two ways to keep a relationship thriving are to allow open communication and maintain frequent contact. When it comes to open communication, acceptance is the rule. Adult children have to live their own lives and have their own triumphs and failures. It is not a parent’s job to highlight their adult children’s mistakes unless asked. I’m not saying that a parent should never intervene. Of course, there are situations that require action. However, some parents are excellent at finding every flaw and then magnifying it.
I’ll question my kids if I feel they are heading in the wrong direction or if I have significantly more experience or knowledge in a particular situation. I want to emphasize the word question. I don’t try to force my opinion on them. My actions have changed over time. When they were children, it was my responsibility to make sure that they were safe and moving in the right direction. However, that is not the case with my adult children. Frankly, it is a relief to pass on that responsibility to them.
My mom would always say, “Friends come and go, but you will always have family.” I believe that there is wisdom in that statement. We can have friends that become family, but those situations are rare. If we can maintain healthy relationships with our relatives, whether they be siblings or children, we are better off. One way to do that is to have regular contact with them. This can be done in many different ways, but it should include time for conversation. In my family, we do this on multiple levels.
As my family of origin aged, we drifted away from our cousins. Was there an event or reason? I don’t know of one. However, about thirty years ago, we found ourselves together at a funeral, where we decided to reunite. That reunion led to others and now consists of multiple planned events every year, including a picnic, a campout, and a Christmas party. These get togethers continue due to the efforts of my cousin, Kris, and her husband Bob. They are the organizers and thereby serve an important function. Most relationships require an active force, and it isn’t reasonable to expect an equal distribution of responsibility in these situations. Someone needs to take charge and shoulder the burden of leadership. Many of my nephews and nieces attend these events, and it is an awesome way for me to catch up with them, too. I want to know what is going on with my relatives’ lives, and I want them to know what is happening in mine.
Every year, we schedule multiple events where cousins and their children can gather and connect.Here we are at a recent campout.
I have only two siblings remaining, and they are very important to me. I have taken on the active role of staying in contact with them and make a point to call them very frequently, sometimes daily. We are all retired, and our lives are routine. When you talk to someone multiple times a week, you rehash the same topics over and over. That is fine with me, as the purpose of the calls is to have contact, not to explore the meaning of life, although we sometimes do that too. A number of years ago, we realized that the only times we saw each other were during major events and holidays. We established “sibling breakfast.” We meet roughly monthly over breakfast along with my wife, brother-in-law, and sister-in-law. They are family, too. For many years, we went to local restaurants, but that became harder for some of the older members, so now we meet at my sister’s house. We all bring what we want to eat. I may stop at McDonald’s for a #1 meal; my wife usually packs yogurt and fruit from home; my sister-in-law may bring a nutritious shake, and so on. This bring-your-own-breakfast rule makes our get-togethers simple and carefree. Our purpose isn’t to eat a meal; it is to be with each other. In this situation, my sister Nancy and I take charge of scheduling the next meeting. My sister Carol hosts the event. We try to schedule our next breakfast before we leave. If someone can’t make the next date, that is OK, as we know we will see them soon, as this is a monthly affair, and there are likely other events beyond our sibling breakfast where we will have contact. We have made scheduling and attending these meetings as simple as possible. The easier it is, the more likely we will continue.
We meet monthly for a sibling breakfast. Everyone brings their own food, making the event extremely simple to host.
I have been married twice and have three kids from my second marriage and one from my first. I have had children living with me for many years. In fact, I was nearly 50 when I had my son. I’m very used to having a close connection with my children, and I like it. My kids also seem to like it, and they like each other. However, they are now leading adult lives. My daughter, Grace, came up with a solution based on the sibling breakfast concept. We have established a “family brunch” where we meet about once a month, rotating from house to house. The host makes a brunch, but since the meal rotates, no one has total responsibility. Towards the end of the get-together, we sit down and schedule the next meeting. It has been wonderful. We are all reasonable people, and by meeting regularly, petty issues fade away. We are all a bit different, and we make an effort to accept our differences instead of trying to change individuals to conform to what we think that they should be. Beyond family brunch, we stay in touch via other activities: impromptu Sunday dinners, holidays, and a group chat where we can share our lives and photos. So far, this has worked out well.
I get together with 3 of my kids (my oldest lives away) every month for a family brunch. Of course, their boyfriends and girlfriends are included.
So what is the bottom line?
Separation breeds discontent. It is easy to amplify differences and turn minor hurts into major wounds.
Beware of friends and therapists who like to amplify this discontent rather than promote reasonable solutions.
Are there times when it is appropriate for children or parents to end contact with the other? Yes, but in many cases estrangement happens when there are clearly other less destructive paths that could be implemented.
Efforts need to be made to keep in contact with those whom you love. Often, this will be a one-sided responsibility; that is the way it is. Contact can happen in many ways, including regular meetings, email, text messages, group texts, and scheduled FaceTime calls. The best contacts are in-person, but any contact is better than no contact.
Problems arise in all relationships, and how differences are resolved often determine the outcome. Can you talk about an issue, or do you punish the other person with “the silent treatment”? Are you one of those us-vs-them individuals who tries to get others on your side in a conflict? Are you great at bringing up past offenses from years gone by? Those are just a few of the many possible ways to poison relationships.
It is imperative to realize that the rules are different for children vs. adult children. Parents who want the same level of control that they formally had are asking for resentment from their adult kids.
Relationships are not a one-sided street. Adult children also have options that go beyond total estrangement. For instance, is your parent a shamer? Why not confront them honestly and unemotionally? “I feel like you are shaming me. I don’t accept that shame.” For some parents, their behavior is so ingrained that they don’t even realize that they are doing it. I’m trying to illustrate that there are many alternatives beyond removing an otherwise decent parent from one’s life. It is not necessary to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
It takes little to say, “Can we talk about this?” Not comfortable with that? Try an email.
Do you want to convert the other person to your way of thinking? Well, you won’t have much success, so stop that.
Are you willing to accept the other person’s feelings and find a compromise? Now we are talking!
Avoid hot topics. I remember seeing a sign when I was growing up that said, “Don’t talk about politics or religion.” That is good advice. By the way, when did political beliefs become a religion?
Did you do something that upset someone, even if you didn’t realize it at the time? Say you are sorry, mean it, and try to adjust your future behavior.
In summary, practice the following behaviors:
-Have regular contact with those you love.
-Have open communications with those you love.
-Be willing to say you are sorry and mean it. If you are a “my way or the highway” person, you have already lost the battle.
-Try to see the adult child’s complaint from their point of view instead of trying to justify your past actions. Accept that others may have different opinions from yours.
-If you see a pattern in your behavior that consistently causes conflict in others, own it and change it. As humans, we are imperfect. Do an honest personal inventory. Are you too critical? Are you a shamer? Are you a comparer? Are you too demanding? Are you (fill in the blank)? Do you have destructive ways of dealing with conflict, such as blaming? Are you a splitter who causes disharmony between your kids? If the answer is yes, work to change those bad characteristics. If they caused estrangement from a child, they are most certainly impacting other relationships in your life.
-Seek outside help if you can’t implement that change yourself.
-Be flexible with your expectations of the other person. They are not clones of you. Focus on the positives of the relationship.
What can a parent do when a child has cut off all contact, and the parent has tried to reach out to resolve the issue but are met with silence? That depends on the situation. However, in some cases it isn’t a bad idea to continue a back channel. I treated a divorced dad who was estranged from his son due to the poisonous actions of his ex-wife. Through my advice he sent his son random correspondences through the years. A thinking of you card, a funny comic, a birthday wish. His ex destroyed many of these, but some got through. Eventually, the son grew up, moved out on his own, and was no longer under his mom’s influence. The father and son reconnected because the son knew his dad cared, as he continued to try to contact him. Sending a card or a greeting takes little effort, and it may eventually result in a resolution. Naturally, every situation is different. In some cases any continued contact could be considered a threat. I’m just suggesting that it helps to think outside of the box.
At times a parent has to accept the situation and move on. A lot of energy is wasted pursuing dead ends in relationships of all types. Put the bulk of your energy into those who are there for you and who do love you. If you do this, you will be a happier person.
There has been an insidious practice going on for decades. That is the practice of transferring wealth from the lower classes to the upper classes. The movement started subtly, but it has escalated dramatically over the last decade.
For a generation, there has been a push for normal consumers to consume more, update what they have, and modernize items that are still functional. If you are old enough, you remember the must-have avocado-colored refrigerators that became “out of style” and needed to be replaced by must-have copper-tone-colored refrigerators that became “out of style” and needed to be replaced by the must-have almond-colored refrigerators, and so on. Needless changes in appliances, fashion, automobiles, and even furniture drove the economy forward while depleting consumers’ bank accounts.
Then there is the “You deserve it” campaign, fueled by high-interest-rate credit cards, easy-to-obtain loans, and now BNPL companies like Klarna. These vehicles change the physical presence of money to an abstract concept. They removed the friction of taking money out of your purse or wallet. Now all you had to do was tap a card or fill out a form. It became easy to spend “a little more” to get something perceived as of higher value. You wanted to spend $100 on a winter coat, but the $250 one is so much nicer! Use your credit card. You live paycheck to paycheck, but don’t your kids deserve that $10,000 trip to Disney? Use Klarna. Your neighbor just got a new car, now you want one too, but they are so expensive. The salesman will help you out by lowering your monthly payment by extending your loan to 8 years. Who cares that the interest rate is 20%? By the way, the average car payment is now $767/month, the average loan term is around 6 years, and 35% of car loans are now over 6 years. Think about that, then add costs such as repairs, normal operating expenses, and insurance.
Planned obsolescence is another method to get you to spend more. In 1924, the companies Philips, Osram, and GE formed a secret group called the Phoebus Cartel and reduced the lifespan of lightbulbs from 2,500 hours to 1,000 hours. They fined each other for manufacturing longer-lasting bulbs. It is known that Henry Ford would send his engineers to junkyards to see which components of his cars lasted the longest, so he could shorten their lifespans.
My house was built in 1984, and I bought it in 1989. The former owner left the original almond-colored fridge. I felt I needed a stainless steel one, so I moved the old fridge into my basement, where it served as a second fridge until last year, when it finally failed. That was over 40 years of service. I’m currently on my 4th stainless steel fridge upstairs, and one of them lasted only 3 years before I had to replace it.
If you have a perfectly good Windows 10 computer, you are now out of luck, as Windows 10 is no longer supported. Just upgrade the software? Well, probably not, since your device likely doesn’t have the newer computer chips required for an upgrade. You will need to send it to a landfill, even if it is working fine. You will be forced to buy a new computer.
I have heard the same for cars, which have become ever more complicated with features that most don’t need or want. Major components like the CVT (transmission) regularly fail, with astronomical repair costs. Some feel it is just easier to buy another car after a catastrophic failure. They will roll their negative equity into their new car loan, placing an even greater debt burden on themselves.
Companies are making it ever more impossible to repair things. Do you want to save a few bucks and replace your iPhone’s battery at a non-authorized repair shop? Good luck; it will never calibrate as well as one that was more expensively replaced at Apple. When you go to Apple, you may be told that it would be just easier to buy a new phone for $1000. Want to get that failed CVT transmission replaced at a better price by going to a local mechanic? Well, that may not be possible, as the install requires “calibration” using a computer and very expensive, exclusive software that only the dealer may possess. I had a stove that was around 10 years old that stopped working. When the repairman came out, he noted that the problem was the main computer board. The bad news was that those boards were no longer available. I had to buy a new stove. My mom used the same stove for 25 years, and it then moved with us to become a basement stove in our new home. It was very simple and 100% mechanical. It just kept on working. Her simple stove and my computerized one did the exact same thing: they cooked food. However, mine was unfixable. Was that worth a digital display? I don’t think so.
We are constantly barraged by ads, with the average consumer seeing anywhere from 4,000 to 10,000 per day. They are everywhere, from social media sites to email to text messages to regular media to posts that look like content but are actually ads. They all want you to buy items you don’t need and likely won’t make you happy beyond a short dopamine burst when you buy and receive the product. Psychologists call this the Hedonic Treadmill. You buy something and feel good. That fades, so you buy something again and repeat the process over and over. Each hit has a smaller happiness return, so you need to buy more and spend more. Can’t afford it? Use your credit card!
We are moving into a new phase of selling as we are all now being monitored and cataloged. Devices like computers and smartphones record our searches, the web pages we visit, the posts we write, and how much time we spend looking at each item. We are conned by influencers to buy products, and by advertisers who push us to do the same in any way possible. We buy unnecessary things on credit cards that have an average interest rate of 23%. The average consumer has around $11,000 in credit card debt. If their credit card has a 23% intereste rate, they will owe an additional $18,000 in interest if they make the minimum monthly payments. Think about that: that $100 item will actually cost you $280, and it will be long gone by the time you pay it off.
We are constantly being psychologically pressured to buy, often for items we think we must have but that have little ability to improve the quality of our lives. Money is being siphoned from those who have less to those who have more, and they use that money to influence our politicians to escalate this process further. That is certainly the case with the “Big Beautiful Tax Bill,” which gave some small, very temporary concessions to the average citizen, but permanent, large tax benefits to the rich. How did this do this? By taking away money that helps the less fortunate. Cuts in SNAP, cuts in Medicaid, cuts in lunch programs for kids, cuts in hospice care for the poor, cuts to agencies that keep us safe, and so on. Everyone is not a welfare queen; the vast majority of people are just trying to get by. However, it is convenient to find a negative poster child if you want to divide the country. How sad it is that it is so easy to hate.
Our current government has eliminated extended student loans for many expensive-to-obtain professions, including advanced practice nursing, physical therapy, occupational therapy, respiratory therapy, physician assistant, speech-language pathology, architecture, and social work. If you are not wealthy, you may need to dash your dreams or subject yourself to predatory private loans. Beyond the impact on the student, this result is the overall reduction in the number of these professionals who better our country with their skills and training.
There is another wealth drainer that has entered the picture: the subscription service. This device isn’t new, but it has grown and mutated over the last decade or two. In the past, we may have had a newspaper or magazine subscription. Every day or month, we would receive a tangible object at our home. That seemed worth it.
When I was growing up, virtually all television was free (with advertising). We only had a few channels, but they were enough. Cable TV was reserved for rural parts of the country where TV signals were weak. Cable was then a subscription service that used large antennas to receive weak TV signals and rebroadcast them to consumers who would otherwise be unable to receive any TV. In the 1970s and 1980s, a new type of cable TV was introduced. Exclusive channels available only with a subscription. Now, you need cable TV to watch the latest documentary or TV show. Something that was once free now had a charge. Yes, there was the promise of more choices, but I remember many times when I surfed through all 100+ channels only to realize there was nothing worth watching. I gave up cable TV over 10 years ago and have not missed it.
Cable has been replaced by streaming services. Netflix was under $10 and offered an amazing number of movies and shows. Over time, the price has crept up, and we now pay almost $20/month for less content and have to subscribe to additional streaming services to supplement Netflix.
I’m a photographer, and in the past I used Adobe products to edit my photos. Adobe Photoshop was an expensive program, but once you owned it, you had it for life. In 2013, Adobe moved to a subscription model in which users were charged monthly to use the software. I saw a dangerous trend and switched to different software. Adobe has continued to push this trend with escalating prices and hidden fees that can add up to an astronomical amount if you decide to cancel your subscription. Part of the subscription deal allows Adobe to use your images to train Adobe’s AI software. You pay to use the service, but Adobe uses your creative content for free? Yep.
The popular word processor, Microsoft Word, launched a subscription program in 2011. Now there are many subscription programs, including Apple products that were once free, like Pages and Keynote. Companies may argue that this means that you always have the latest and greatest software version. However, word processing programs were perfected decades ago. Most additions amount to options that are neither needed nor wanted.
Everyone wants to get into the subscription model as consumers continue to rent items they previously bought. Here are some other egregious subscription examples.
-BMW now charges $18/mo if you want their seat to heat. $10-$15/mo for the steering wheel to warm, $15/mo for automatic high beams, and $50/mo for adaptive cruise control. My former 2014 Ford included all of these features in the purchase price.
-My Subaru requires a subscription if I want to remotely open my car doors with an app. That subscription is also necessary to receive service reminders with important prompts, like when it is time to change the oil. My former 2008 Honda Fit included free service reminders.
-Want to use your Samsung TV to display art? That will cost you $50/year to view their curated JPEG images.
-On Tinder, but not being noticed? For a mere $499/mo, you can become an elite member with a chance that Tinder will push your profile a bit more.
-Pantone colors are the standard in printing. They are often used to maintain a brand’s integrity. You always see the exact same blue and yellow when you look at a Best Buy Ad, or the exact same red in a Target Ad. Those are Pantone colors. Many use Adobe software to create all sorts of printed material that must be standardized across many documents. Pantone colors were available in the past, but are now a subscription if you use an Adobe product. Now you have to pay an additional $15/mo, or all current and past work will turn black. This is on top of the standard Adobe fees, which now can be as much as $100/mo.
-HP printers tried to charge home users a per-page subscription to use their printers. You could buy the printer, have ink in it, and still not be able to use it if you reached the number of pages your subscription allowed.
-Do you want your $100,000.00 Mercedes to have full acceleration? Releasing the remaining 25% of the engine’s power will cost you $60- $90/mo. That is just a software switch. The subscription doesn’t add any additional hardware to the car.
There is also a model for subscribing to use a car. This would be different from a lease.
Most of these newer subscription types charge you for things you once bought and used forever. Now, you have an everlasting ongoing charge.
When I was growing up, my parents operated on a cash-only basis. Bank cards were being introduced in the 1960s, and many companies were mailing them at random. I remember my father cutting them up and throwing them in the trash. The concept of automatic credit just didn’t make sense to him. We didn’t update things; we fixed them. When some things broke, we did without. When clothes became worn, we patched them. We had food, shelter, and clothing, and I never worried if there would be dinner on the table. It was always there. We had an old fridge with a tiny freezer. Yet my mother managed to feed 7 people every day. That fridge was only updated when a relative replaced their larger fridge sometime in the 1970s. Why did they update it? Because it was seafoam green, and that color had gone out of fashion. We continued to use that fridge for years and celebrated the fact that the freezer compartment was not only bigger, but even had its own door.
My dad usually bought my uncle’s old cars. They weren’t stylish, but they ran. If you wanted coffee, you didn’t go to a cafe; there was a pot brewing on the stove. Birthday cakes came from our Sunbeam mixer, not a bakery. A winter coat may be a Christmas gift, and that was if you were lucky. You learned how to delay gratification and didn’t depend on a new purchase to make you feel better about yourself.
If you look at all of the above consumer tactics, they either make you feel bad about yourself or what you have, or they offer a solution. Solutions often for a problem that you didn’t realize that you had.
It is easier to extract the maximum amount of money from a consumer if you can separate them as much as possible from the actual process. Tapping a credit card is not the same as pulling bills from your pocket. Buying something on credit eliminates delays and allows the consumer to spend well beyond their means. Subscriptions of any type are easily forgotten, and it is simple to slowly increase their costs over time. The average person pays over $1000/year in subscriptions, and that number feels low to me.
It is critical to remember that all of these services exist to benefit shareholders, not the consumer. They are designed to make you spend more and to increase the cost of an item well beyond a normal purchase price. Klarna, a BNPL service, lends you money that you pay back in installments. The service is free, or is it? If you default on making a payment, you will be charged a late fee. How many miss a payment? Over 40%. If you need to take out a longer loan, be prepared for an interest rate up to 35.99%! That is higher than credit cards, which have an average interest rate of 24%. Those companies want you to be late on payments, as it means more money for them. They get richer, and you get poorer.
Debt traps you. People stay in jobs they hate, live in places they would rather not, and feel hopeless even when they earn a decent salary. Take a massive mortgage, two huge car payments, all the regular payments from utilities to health insurance, and add Klarna debt, credit card debt, and payday debt. Mix in the costs of kids’ summer camps, sporting camps, music camps, and all of the expenses needed to raise a child in modern times. Add loans needed to remodel so you can keep up with the Joneses. Add student loans or unpaid medical bills from an emergency room visit. Mix in all of the subscription services, some that you still pay for but have long forgotten. Now sprinkle in inflation, increased gas prices, higher taxes, and utility bills. You can see that a simple problem that costs money to fix can throw a typical family into economic ruin. Cars break down. Car repairs are often well over $1000, and many are much more. Only 45% of Americans have enough savings to pay for a $400 debt. Think about that, it is easy to spend $400 at Costco; most emergencies are much more expensive than that.
So what can you do?
-First, you must do a fearless inventory of your debt. Write down where your money is going.
-Start to reduce your expenses. Eliminate all unnecessary costs. Get rid of all unused or rarely used subscription services. Look at ways to reduce your other costs. I have several posts on how to reduce expenses, a number of which emphasize simple tactics such as cooking at home.
-Focus on reducing your debt, rather than that next new purchase. There are many tools available, some of which are free.
-Remove buying apps, like Amazon, from your phone.
-If you decide to buy something online, institute a 24-hour wait period before you press the “buy” button. Before you press the button, ask yourself, “Do I really need this?”
-Move towards non-subscription models. There still exist non-subscription word processors, photo editors, and presentation programs. Over-the-air TV and radio are free. You can drive a car without heated seats.
-Consider eliminating subscription services that you do use. I currently have Apple News, which I like. However, I can get the same news for free by doing a little hunting and using free services, ranging from websites to over-the-air TV and radio.
-Avoid BNPL options like the plague.
-Consider putting your credit cards in a drawer, reducing their availability.
-Move more and more to a cash model. If you are using cash, you are forced to reconnect the product with the cost.
-Need a vacation? Save for it. Can’t afford Disney? Go where you can afford. Your kids will not be traumatized for life if they don’t have an audience with the mouse. Some of our favorite vacation memories involved camping trips.
-Use what you have.
-Stop trying to keep up with the Joneses. They don’t care.
-Stay away from influencers and reduce your overall screen time.
-Find free/low-cost experiences. Play a board game with your family. Have a potluck dinner party or movie night with snacks, or go to a free concert. Explore options like inexpensive plays at your local high school or college. Utilize your public library, which can not only lend you books, but also DVDs, magazines, audio books, and even music CDs (if you have a CD player).
-Check your credit card statement and think about each purchase that you made and how you may want to change in the future.
-Understand the psychology of selling. Understand that an unnecessary purchases will yield a very temporary “feel-good” impact. In the long run, they will likely make you feel worse.
-It is better to have fewer things of good quality than many things of poor quality.
-Critically assess large purchases. Do you really need a new car? Is there a more economical way to get that college degree? Do you have to update your furniture?
-Put your energy in people/relationships rather than stuff.
