I have been on a journey to rediscover reading for pleasure. A journey that has had many twists and turns since childhood. Like most things that I do, this rediscovery has practical implications. Let me explain.
The early issue
You may recall from previous posts that I had significant problems learning how to read. I attended a Catholic grade school in the 1960s, where learning was expected, and processing problems were not understood. At a 2nd-grade parent-teacher conference, my teacher, a nun, told my parents that she thought I was very bright, so my reading problem must be due to poor vision. She was certain that I needed glasses. This was not met with joy from my dad; glasses were expensive. However, he was a dutiful Catholic, and I was taken to the Optometrist. Honestly, I was pretty excited as my young brain completely trusted the nun’s evaluation. Soon, I would be able to read! The glasses came, and I eagerly put them on. I could not read. I was horribly disappointed. Worse, I thought my father would be furious with me. He had spent an enormous amount of money, and I was once again disappointing him. I had to do something, but what?
The real problem
When you are in 2nd grade, and your only point of reference is yourself, assessing a problem can be difficult. Being unable to read hampered my ability to research solutions. I was completely on my own. What were my observations? It was very difficult for me to define letters. I had classical reversals; b’s could look like d’s. I had a great deal of difficulty discerning individual words or sentences; “he said” looked like “hesaid,” and “It is sunny outside today” looked like “Itissunnyoutsidetoday.” I also had trouble distinguishing between lines of text because they merged into a single line without separation. When I looked at a page of text, it was one gigantic soup of symbols all bunched together, changing their shape at will.
When other kids were thinking about lunch, I was thinking about the meaning of God’s injustice or why humans fought in wars instead of cooperating with each other. In other words, I was already an odd kid who learned to hide my differences so I could fit in. Now I had the realization that my brain was malfunctioning, further separating me from my peers. No one could know. I had to hide this defect, just as I had to hide all the other things that made me different. I wanted to be accepted not only by my peers but also by my dad.
The process
I had to come up with a solution; failure was not an option. I knew that I had limited abilities. I was clumsy and introverted. I was blind in one eye, so I had no depth perception. I would compare myself to the other boys in the class who were more athletic, more social, and cooler. I did not measure up. The same comparisons were done at home, with similar results. But teachers kept on telling my parents how smart I was. I could sit at the piano and play a song by ear that my sister had been practicing for weeks. I was already designing experiments to test ideas that my mind would not let go of. I saw connections in everything.
My miswired brain
My wife has joked with me in the past, telling me that I have an autistic brain. She is a clinical psychologist, so there may be some merit in her musings. My brain does seem to be wired differently; I don’t think linearly as most people do. Instead, I see pools of information that intersect, merge, separate, and reconnect. This crazy brain has both disadvantages and advantages. Instead of me processing A + B = C, I see A + B = a dozen possibilities. My thinking process takes much longer than most. Data acquisition is slower and sometimes more painful. I remember taking a physics class in college. I sat down on a Friday night (proof that I’m a nerd) to do my homework, and it didn’t make sense to me. I repeated the exercise on Saturday night. Still, it made no sense to me. Sunday morning, lightning struck, and the solution became abundantly clear as pools of data started to merge, separate, and merge again. The material became simple and logical. One problem led to many solutions, and I became the person who broke the curve in that class, much to my classmates’ chagrin.
The reading solution
Back to second grade. What to do? I already got my glasses, and I was failing at the task. If I told the nun that they didn’t help me, she might think I was really dumb, and I liked the fact that she thought I was smart. It made me feel special. I certainly could not tell my dad, he already had a negative opinion of me. Reading had become an essential part of learning, but I was failing at it. The kids around me were breezing through the text, and I was seeing an alphabet soup that looked like Egyptian hieroglyphics. Think, Mike, think! God would not give me the gift of intelligence and then cruelly deny me a way to use it. But what to do? The answers eventually came in the backseat of our old Nash Rambler on the way home from church.
I had taken the Sunday comics with me. I couldn’t read them, but their story lines were graphically simple and enjoyable. Could they be the solution to my reading problem? One cartoon stood out, “Nancy.” This was a strip with a very simple storyline. It used easy words, and the creator wrote in all caps. Many of the speech balloons had only a handful of words, with generous spacing between them. With effort, I could separate the words, and over time, I could do this quickly.

Nancy comics were easy to understand graphically and employed simple text, all in caps, and with good letter spacing.
After I mastered “Nancy,” I needed more material, but the options were limited. This was the 1960s, and parents didn’t buy kids books. We did have a bookshelf in our front hall that was loaded with ancient books of all sorts. Old encyclopedias that schools had tossed out, a giant Bible, “The Lives of Saints,” all were too advanced for me, but then I came upon what I needed. On a lower shelf were several readers from the 1940s that had been discarded by schools. It turns out that my oldest sister loved those books, which is why they were preserved. They offered me the next step in my reading solution: three volumes, each representing a different reading level.
You may be wondering why I didn’t use the books I was given in school. I don’t have an answer to that, but I guess that they were too threatening, too traumatic. I had already failed at using them, so I had to find my own path. I needed a solution that allowed me to move at my own pace. These primers were that solution.

Two of the three primers that I used to teach myself how to read. These are from the early 1940s and I believe they cultivated my love for that period of time.
The books were immensely more complicated than Nancy comics, and I had to face all of the issues that I had faced before, but now I had success with the comics, and I didn’t have the pressure of having to read them in front of the class. I came up with many solutions to my processing problems, from cutting out a window in a sheet of paper to isolate individual lines to reading shapes instead of letters. It was agony, but then suddenly it wasn’t.

The books were simple, but much more complicated than the comics. I had to employ other methods, such as creating a slit in a sheet of paper to isolate lines. I also focused more on the shape of a word rather than the individual letters. This seems to help (for some reason) my ability to separate words from one another.
Reading opened up my world and highlighted my talents. I couldn’t get enough information. Those old encyclopedias became my launching pad. The local branch library became my university. In the 4th grade, I took the state-wide achievement test and scored higher than anyone in my 1-8th grade school. In some areas, I was scoring as high as a junior in high school. Reading gave me that advantage. Now the nuns were telling my parents, “Michael is very special, God has plans for him.” That was just the ego boost I needed to move forward and trust my instincts and myself.
But my reading has always been slow and ponderous. I read slowly because I have to do a lot of gymnastics in my brain. I no longer have to do all the tricks I originally needed, but I’m still processing a sea of data. I’m a slow reader, but I have excellent comprehension. That can be a two-edged sword.
My passions
I stated many times in past posts that I have always had three passions that constantly drive me. I love to learn, teach, and create. Every aspect of my life is centered on these three pillars. I have never stopped reading, but I tend to read things that deepen my understanding. It matters not what that understanding is. One day, I may want to compare the Noah’s Ark story with its origin myth in the “Epic of Gilgamesh.” The next day, I may be more interested in the design differences between two breadmakers. It makes no difference to me.
However, such a drive can limit pleasure reading. There are so many novels that are enriching, yet don’t offer overt data. Of course, they offer so much more than just a story, as many question humanity, relationships, and drive on a level no clinical text can match. I know this, but textbook-type information is so much more accessible, so I tend to drift in that direction. Oh, gads, this just came to me: “Mike this is why people tend to eat ultra-processed food instead of healthy food. It is concentrated and more accessible.” See how my silly mind jumps from one topic and relates it to another. That is what I have to deal with constantly!
Reading novels and other non-technical books.
I know that reading beyond informational materials would be beneficial to me, so I have made efforts in the past to do so. I can’t say that I was ever a voracious reader of novels, as I’m a slow reader who tends to overprocess. With that said, I found reading non-technical material was both enjoyable and broadening. I especially liked it when an author could introduce me to information that changed my opinion about something. That was always exciting.
The medical school dilemma
Medical school ruined my pleasure reading. The first two years are didactic, and the amount of information that a student is expected to learn is astronomical. Tests are not based on broad concepts; they are based on footnotes. Students are selected for their academic prowess, so the test discriminates at the level of minutiae. This was vastly different from my graduate student days, which were more focused on concepts rather than memorizing random facts.
I found that I started memorizing everything I read, which ruined reading for me. That horrible process plagued me for many years.
The drive doesn’t end, and a new problem
I am always acquiring knowledge. I am always learning. I am always thinking. I guess you would call me a dilettante, since everything interests me, and I go from one topic to another. In my professional life, I had to be an expert; in my retired life, I can learn as much or as little as I choose to on any topic. This flexibility has been immensely pleasurable for me.
The Internet has opened up a world of data, and I have been greedily gathering it. One day politics, the next making meals in a pressure cooker, the day after that quantum theory.
YouTube has been both a blessing and a curse. Its algorithms draw me in by presenting one topic after another. I can get trapped in hours of viewing, but if I stay too long on the platform, it seems to have a deadening effect rather than an enlightening one. It is very hard for me to stop watching, which has affected me on multiple levels. My viewing can prevent me from doing necessary household chores, exercising, or exploring creative outlets like photography or writing. I call this the ice cream phenomenon. A bowl of ice cream is delicious, but a carton of ice cream makes me feel sick. Yet there are times when I want a carton of ice cream, and I have to use willpower to keep myself from eating it. Like eating a carton of ice cream, I have had to use psychological techniques to limit my YouTube use. A little YouTube enlightens me, but a steady diet of it actually dulls me and prevents me from living my life.
The sleep issue
I used to be a deep sleeper, but this changed with the birth of my first child over 40 years ago. Suddenly, I would wake at a pin drop. This has continued to this very day. My sleep is always disturbed, but usually manageable to some degree.
When I was working, I had sleepless nights, but I thought that would change when I retired, since my days would be mostly stress-free. However, my sleep can still be terrible, often waking for hours in the middle of the night. Something had to be done.
As you can tell by the preamble, I’m a problem solver, and I explore possible explanations for any given problem. What was the cause of my insomnia? I don’t drink caffeine products in the evening, and I do the usual sleep hygiene things. Yes, I may need to get up to use the bathroom once or twice, but I have developed ways to make that less obtrusive. I also know a number of psychological tricks to fall back on when I wake, but I’m often too lazy to incorporate them. If I could identify a root cause, I might be able to find a solution.
One thing I did was watch YouTube videos before bed. Initially, I thought the videos were relaxing as I would fall asleep watching them. However, I soon realized that they were stimulating my brain in unwanted ways. The bright blue light from my laptop screen wasn’t helping, nor was YouTube’s algorithm, which always seemed to hook me into watching the next video. When I woke up at night, I sometimes opened my laptop and watched more videos. It was a never-ending cycle.
I started to notice a pattern: my wakeful periods were getting longer and longer, sometimes lasting from 12:30 AM to 4 or 5 AM. Initially, this insomnia would last a day, and I would sleep well the next day. However, they eventually transitioned into several consecutive days.
I had some ancient Klonopin in my medicine cabinet. The pills were over 10 years old, and in desperation, I would bite off a bit of the pill in an effort to reset my sleep. This would work, but I soon found I had to do it for several nights in a row to reset. Eventually, the pattern would return. The Klonopin was not the solution, plus I only had a limited supply. I needed to explore other options.
Options and solutions
I intuitively knew that YouTube was a major contributing factor, but I didn’t want to give it up. In some ways, it was a bit of an addiction. The more I watched it, the more I wanted to watch it. Depending on the content, it could really crash my mood. This was especially true of political shows. Yet, YouTube gave me a lot of good things, too. Clearly, I needed to take control.
My solution was simple and consisted of both biochemical manipulation and behavioral intervention. I knew that Klonopin had to be an emergency-only option. I decided to take a dose of magnesium and a microdose of melatonin at night. Neither had a dramatic impact, but they seemed to be calming.
I also knew I needed to give up late-night YouTube for a multitude of reasons: the content was too stimulating, the algorithm was too engaging, the computer screen was too bright, and the screen refresh rate (60-120 Hz) was too aggravating.
Instead of looking at this as a problem, I decided to approach it as an opportunity. Stopping nighttime YouTube cold made little sense. I needed a substitute, and that substitute was reading.
I love technology, so it was a no-brainer to go with an e-reader instead of a physical book. E-readers use a different method to control their lighting and a different screen technology called e-ink. E-ink only refreshes when you change pages, not at 120 Hz like computer displays. E-readers illuminate the front of a page like a physical book, not the page itself, as on a laptop. Front illumination is more natural.
E-readers offer an unlimited number of reading options, including many free and inexpensive ones. I could download books from my library using Libby, get free out-of-copyright books from sources like Project Gutenberg, or buy books from online bookstores like Amazon, Kobo, or Barnes & Noble.
At this time, I am reading “50 Masterpieces You Have to Read Before You Die” from Amazon. These 50 books are all out of copyright, so the entire collection was less than $2 to download.

An e-reader was the solution to my reading problem as it combined technology with reading. It also gave me flexibility, as I could download virtually any book and adjust any parameter of that book, from the font size and type to the screen brightness.
Transitioning to reading at bedtime was initially difficult. The experience was too slow-moving and not stimulating enough. I wanted to watch YouTube. My first few nights were frustrating, but that is now improving.
I don’t feel a need to stay up all night reading, and I find that reading a chapter or two is usually sufficient. Currently, I’m reading “The Jungle” by Upton Sinclair, which he published in 1906 (it actually was serialized in 1905, but it was published as a book in 1906). It is a story about immigrant abuse and the horrors of working in Chicago’s stockyards at the turn of the last century. I’m a Chicago Soutsider, so the stockyards are very familiar to me. The topic is timely as we continue to deal with immigrant abuse in 2026.
It appears that my sleep is slowly normalizing and that my treatment plan was correct. I’m very grateful for that. This solution highlights another point. We never need to wallow in problems when there are solutions at hand. Those solutions may vary based on time, situation, and need. Lastly, solutions can do more than just solve a problem. They can expand our knowledge and experience. They can enrich our lives and help us grow. That is, if we let them.
We live in a world of instant gratification. A time where we can have what we want without problem-solving. This will likely get worse as AI becomes more prevalent. However, as humans, we need to grow and solving problems is part of that process. Friedrich Nietzsche said, “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” A quote to remember.
Images are my own or from the internet and are used for educational purposes only.



















































































































