In February 2024 this website crashed for no apparent reason. Despite using professionals at GoDaddy.com it was impossible to restore anything after October 2021 (over 100 posts). I do have many of those post in draft form (no final edit or photos) and I have decided to repost them in that manner. I apologize for typos and other errors. How do I feel about losing all of my original work? Life goes on.
This is my annual retirement update. It has been six years since I retired from Genesis, and five years since I have been completely retired. As usual, my life situation has changed during this last year. Let me start with two stories.
Story One
Four PM last Thursday found me rummaging in my pantry. In my hand, I had a medium-sized reusable bag. In the bag went a box of Wheat Thins, a couple protein bars, a partially filled jar of cashews, and a few mandarin oranges. I went to the fridge to score a couple cans of Coke Zero and seltzer water. Car food for our trip was secured. I was then off to William’s workplace to pick him up. By 4:30 PM we were on the road traveling to Ohio driving in the dark on the interstate, then on country roads. Driving at night was no fun, but I wanted to be there for my son. He was going to spend two days with 17 other candidates as part of a graduate school recruitment. Driving was a minor part of the trip as we talked along the way. Helping William required no thought. I have an open schedule. I can be there for my family at a moment’s notice.
Story Two
It isn’t uncommon for me to get job offers, often multiple ones every month. However, this offer was different as it involved a former colleague. He was offering me a job in my town that required only 12 hours of my time per week. The appealing aspect of the offer was its huge salary. My initial thought was that I should take the offer. However, I was instantly filled with a sense of dread. How could I pass up on this opportunity? Why was I feeling so negatively about it? I pondered and the answer came to me. I realized that the additional money would not improve my life. I am a simple person with adequate means. More money would lead to buying more junk that I have no need for. A new job would yield more structure in my life, but I cherish the fluidity of my current situation. Being content with where I’m at made it clear to me that I had to say no.
I am telling you these recent stories as they encapsulate how I am feeling about retirement. I am very happy with my status, and I have no need to change it. Are there things that I still want to do? Yes, but those have been placed on pause due to other events in my life. Most notably, my wife’s illness.
Her illness has been my focus for the last year, and that focus has put other aspects of my life on hold. Is that bad? No, not at all. If you can’t be there for your spouse then who can you be there for? My retirement made it possible to visit her every day during the month that she was in the hospital. It allowed me the freedom to drive her to a myriad of appointments and therapy sessions post-hospitalization. It has allowed me to take on jobs that she did so our household runs smoothly.
My retirement gives me time with my kids. Whether chatting in the morning over a cup of coffee, or making dinner with them in the evening. I have an understanding of what is going on in their lives, and I believe that they are happy with my involvement.
Now that Julie’s health is improving I want to re-engage with photography, and I would like to go on extended camping trips. These simple things give me great pleasure. Julie and I will also try more traveling this year starting with a visit to our dear friends, John and Barb. Additionally, I want to travel to more wilderness areas in Violet the campervan. I prefer this to more standard vacations, but we hope to do some of those too. Julie has been a trooper in her pursuit to return to normalcy.
Overall, I have a feeling of contentment. Many times I am outwardly happy, at other times I feel satisfied. I have a purpose, it is just not the purpose that consumed me when I was working 60 hours a week. It is a purpose that is sometimes focused on others, and at other times it is focused on me. This feels like the right balance.
As I have disclosed many times, I’m an introvert so I don’t have a tremendous need to always be in motion. Yet, I do have a deep need to connect with the people that I care about. It gives me satisfaction to be there for the family and friends that I hold dear. I believe that the reciprocal is also true, and it is wonderful to have people in my life who value and care for me.
Every year my life changes somewhat. New problems arise, and old ones get solved. New demands present themselves as others recede. I prefer to roll with it. I don’t want to waste my time with doom and gloom scenarios. I’m a problem solver by nature, but I don’t want to focus my life on potential disasters that may never happen. I take life “One day at a time.”
I’m trying to be kinder to myself. I have always been good at focusing on my negative qualities while minimizing my positive ones. If you read some of my previous posts you know how much shame I have around my life-long battle with being overweight. I was talking to my friend, Tom about it as both of us are always trying to lose weight. Suddenly, a realization came to me. The vast majority of people accept me for who I am. I can’t remember ever being bullied because of my weight (The fact that I’m 6’3” may have played a part in that). The only people who weaponized my obesity were my father and one of my brothers, and that was a long time ago. I know that I must continue to try to regain a more normal weight, and I am doing things to achieve that goal. I’m also aware that for many, weight is an auto-regulated function like heart rate or breathing. For me, something is off. Research on the topic indicates genetics, epigenetics, and the environment as strongly contributing factors to my life-long problem. Last year I wrote to my primary care physician telling him how my weight shame prevented me from seeing him as often as I should. I did this to confront my great irrational fear that he was judging me being an authority figure in my life. He was beyond understanding and kind. I’m continuing to walk/hike regularly, and am once again reducing sugar in my life. I understand that there are people who will judge me no matter what. I don’t need them. I also know that there are individuals who will value me for who I am. I will hold them close to me.
I am focused on gratitude. I’m a positive person who sees the many gifts and privileges I have been given. I am more fortunate than many. It feels good to wake up grateful instead of having a negative cloud chasing me. I am thankful that I am a positive person.
I am grateful that I’m kind. I see this trait in my children. For me, it is one of the most important qualities that any person can have. Along with it comes empathy and a sense of connection with others.
Many years ago I realized that most individuals have core areas that motivate and satisfy them. These general categories are very broad and are essential to one’s happiness. They vary from person to person and can be discovered by dissecting past events that made someone happy or unhappy. There are many, but it is sometimes best to focus on a few. For me, there has always been a triad to my happiness. I love to learn, I love to teach, I love to be creative. Learning how to be a doctor was complicated, learning how to make a good pot of soup is less so, but also enjoyable. Teaching residents and medical students was rewarding, but so is helping my kids be more competent adults. I find creative options everywhere, and this aspect of my life forever brings me joy.
There are also core negative things that tend to bring a person down. These basic functions have a detrimental impact on wellbeing. They tend to be more generic than the first category. I choose to reject negative people who have a willingness to find fault in others. These are people who overtly or covertly put others down either by their direct criticism or by their constant references to their Instagram lives. I reject people who live for drama and frequently find it by causing conflict.
Year six of retirement leaves me content, happy, and very grateful for all of the blessings in my life. I continue to learn, teach, and be creative. I want to shower those close to me with love and kindness while accepting that they are individual beings who have the right to their own opinions. I want to actively focus on accepting others for who they are while rejecting any judgment of them based on narrow criteria of any sort, from race to religion to orientation, to political beliefs. I want to celebrate each day for the joy that it brings. I want to focus on the many positives of my life instead of dwelling on the negatives. I want to live each day to its fullest-Having coffee with a friend, enjoying a good meal and nice conversation with my family, experiencing the tranquility of a walk in the woods, being excited about seeing a new way to photograph a common object, learning something new… and so much more.
Life is what you make of it, and I choose to make every day an adventure.
Peace
Mike