I have celebrated Easter Sunday in the same way for decades. The morning starts with a candy hunt by the kids, followed by a light brunch. We then attend a late morning church service. I rush home from church to make my “signature” cheesy chivy potatoes, which is my contribution to our family’s Easter party. We then pile into our car and drive off to my sister’s house in a nearby suburb. Along the way, I pick up flowers for my two godchildren.
For Easter, my sister and brother-in-law supply their house and a lot of the food. However, most of us are assigned a dish-to-pass. We typically are given the same dish to make year after year, which is how cheesy chivy potatoes became my signature dish. You may think that the recipe sounds disgusting, but many family members have told me that they look forward to it every Easter. Chessy Chivy Potatoes are not haute cuisine.
Mike’s Recipe for Cheesy Chivy Potatoes
Make a whole bunch of mashed potatoes.
Stir in a lot of cheese. This can be any combination of meltable cheeses. Over the years, I have used sharp cheddar, American slices, and even Velveta.
Add chives to taste. I’ll sometimes saute fresh chives, but I have also used the dried bottled stuff. They both taste the same.
I bring a large pan of the potatoes, and I’ll often leave the party with an empty scrapped casserole dish. Our Easter meal is Midwestern… ham, potatoes, jello molds, rolls/butter, sweet potatoes, Easter lamb pound cake… you get the picture. We do have a few vegetarians in our group, so there are also some vegetarian-friendly foods added to the menu.
My sister’s Easter party is always a highlight for me. Everyone is eager to mingle and chat, the weather is typically beautiful enough for a walk, and the food is comforting. By 8 PM, I’m ready to head home. Easter Sunday concludes quietly, often by watching one of those classic Easter movies. However, all that changed with the COVID-19 pandemic, as many weeks ago, my sister canceled the event due to the virus.
As a family, we decided to do something for Easter, but we weren’t sure what that “something” would be. Our plans slowly formed as the day approached.
Julie made a brunch style egg dish, the kind where you mix bread, eggs, ham, and cheese and let the combination sit overnight in the fridge. It puffs up into a delicious souffle style casserole when you bake it the next day. Also, she proved some Rhodes cinnamon rolls. These start as frozen pucks that you place in a 9 x 13 pan overnight. By morning they are doubled in size and ready for the oven. There is nothing like the smell of baking cinnamony bread to wake you up in the morning. Add some strong hot coffee for a perfect start to the holiday.
Hot Cinnamon Rolls and Overnight Egg Dish
We didn’t buy any Easter candy; I didn’t think that this was a big deal as our kids are adults. I was wrong. This was rectified by Grace and Kathryn, who took a quick trip to Walgreen’s candy aisle the day before.
Enough Easter candy to make anyone sick.
Later Sunday morning, we went to church…online. Our church had started a streaming ministry to lock-ins, and so they were ready to broadcast when Illinois’ shelter-in-place order came through. I cued up the stream on a Macbook and “Cast” it to our family room TV. The overall production quality was excellent, and they wove in video clips and remote music into the sermon. At communion time, we ate Ritz crackers and had a small sip of box wine. Watching church on a TV is not as engaging as participating in person, but the overall impact made it a worthwhile experience.
An online sermon cast to our family room TV.Multiple musical collaborators turned our family room into a church concert.
Our early afternoon was carved out for connecting with others. At 2 PM, we all huddled around a computer and logged into a Zoom call to Julie’s family. The group represented members from 4 states and one foreign country. Her family follows rules well; everyone waited to talk, and the conversation rolled along smoothly.
Huddling around a computer on a Zoom call to the Nelsons.
At 3 PM, I connected to my side’s Zoom call. Kunas are very exuberant, and most have little experience with conference calls. The resulting connection consisted of conversational chaos. It was fantastic to see everyone, but after about 10 minutes I decided that it was time to leave the meeting. Lastly, I was able to connect with my oldest daughter, Anne, via FaceTime. By 4 PM, I had touched base with more people then I would have if I had followed my usual Easter routine. This surprised me.
Reaching out with Zoom to the Kuna side of the family.
A good ol’ FaceTime call to daughter, Anne.
For dinner, Julie made some chicken legs that I bought during a pandemic grocery trip along with some stuffed shells and fresh asparagus. This was not our traditional Easter dinner, but delicious and celebratory none-the-less.
A non-traditional but delicious dinner.
After dinner, I discover new neighborhoods on a walk with my daughter Grace. Our evening ended with a family viewing of episode 8 of “The Tiger King.” We, too, have succumbed to this national phenomenon. I have to say that episode 8 seemed more like click-bait than a real episode, but it still managed to occupy 60 minutes of our evening.
I discovered this cool mid-century home when we decided to go in a different direction on a walk.
There you have it, our Easter during the pandemic. We didn’t go to church or have traditional Easter baskets. I didn’t make cheesy chivy potatoes or go to my sister’s house for a party. However, we managed to incorporate all of the essential elements of our typical Easter into last Sunday. We ate special food, and the kids had their fill of hollow chocolate bunnies and Cadbury eggs. We attentively attended an online church service. We caught up with loved ones, and we did family-centered activities. We didn’t give up Easter; we just modified it. It was a good day.
We may need to change other behaviors during (and after) this crisis time, but that doesn’t mean that we need to give up on life or traditions.
I’m sure that there are activities or connections that you are missing since you have had to socially isolate. I would ask you to distill the essence of what you are losing into its characteristic elements. Be creative and see how you can reproduce those elements differently so you can transform your situation from one of loss to one of discovery.
I grew up at a time when it was OK for parents to be uninvolved with their kids. Yes, some dads and moms liked to spend time with their children, but a lack of such interest was not frowned on. If I wanted to spend time with my parents, I had to do this on their terms. This was nearly impossible with my father but more workable with my mom.
My mother was a brilliant person who spent her adult life as a homemaker. Just about anything that she did, she did well. One of her jobs was that of the household cook. We had seven people in our family, and we never went to restaurants. The vast majority of the food that we ate was made at home, and my mother made most of it.
I can recall watching her cook as I ran the logic of her decisions through my mind. She was an effortless cook who knew her craft so well that she rarely had to consult a cookbook or use a measuring spoon. Despite her expertise, my mother loved watching cooking shows, and by far, her favorite one was Julia Child’s “French Chief.” I would watch the show with her, and this is a fond memory. I loved the precision and focus of Julia Child. She treated cooking as a science, and I liked science.
I believe that all of that cooking exposure left me with kitchen confidence. Making food was not a mystery to me; it was just a series of logical steps. Once I understood the stages of one process, I could translate that information to another.
As a single man, I put my cooking knowledge to good use, especially during my residency. At that point, I was divorced with a child, and I was penniless. I could stretch a can of tuna into two meals or turn two chicken legs into dinner one night and lunch the next day.
I finished my residency and started to make more money as a practicing physician. My new economic status shifted me from cooking at home to buying food in the hospital cafeteria or (worse yet) buying fast food burgers. Eventually, I remarried, and my wife Julie took over most of the cooking jobs.
I transitioned back to meal prep when Julie returned to the paid workforce, and in that process, I taught my kids how to cook as we planned and made meals together. We would decide what we wanted to eat and go to the store to buy it. There was never a worry about cost or shortages.
When my kids went off to college, I traded off cooking meals with Julie, and our overall needs changed. I could make a pot of soup that would last us four days, or grill a single steak that we would split. I tried to be less wasteful during this time, as I was now retired and ever more aware of both the sin of wastefulness and my fixed retirement income. I had no idea that this frugality would further benefit me during the pandemic of 2020.
We were flying back from New Mexico when I got a text message that my daughter Grace’s college had closed down; then, I found out that my son’s in-person classes were suspended. A short time later, I discovered that my daughter Kathryn was flying back from her Peace Corps job in Africa. We had just adjusted to being empty nesters, but in short order, our household was going from two to five adults. As soon as I returned to Naperville, I went to Walmart to buy food and discovered that the shelves were bare. A quiet panic hit me.
Something strange happens when I panic. I calm on the surface, and I instantly start to plan solutions in my head. This is not a doctor thing; it is a survival thing that I have done my entire life. I quickly went down each aisle to find those things that I could make meals out of. I moved my mind from what I wanted to what was available. A can of chicken, two cans of crushed tomatoes, some weirdly shaped pasta that no one else wanted… The purchases went on. Years of watching my mother make meals from what was on hand flashed in my brain. I recalled my residency years of making a can of tuna fish stretch. I remembered the summers of making simple meals when I camped and hiked. I knew I could make it work, but would my family eat what I made? In the past, we made food that everyone liked, and when someone didn’t like a meal-offering, they would eat something else. That could no longer happen with food shortages and a limited larder.
I was surprised at how exhausting cooking meals had become for me during the crisis. I’m sure that managing my stress had zapped most of my psychological energy. I decided to involve my kids; we would cook together. It is more enjoyable to prepare with them, and I also wanted to teach them this “new” way of cooking. The waste-not-want-not way.
Our current meals go back to my poor roots. I try to make enough food without excess, and when we do have leftovers, I reuse them or incorporate them into other meals. I now have a better understanding of my mother’s choices when cooking and the economic benefit of the casserole.
We have made everything from enchilada soup to a giant frittata baked in our 12” cast-iron skillet. The kids have been happy to help me cook, and they don’t complain about the results. They have been real troopers.
Before I went to bed last night, I made an enormous pot of rice. For dinner today, I’ll fry it with some leftover pork, some frozen vegetables, eggs, as well as scallions pinched from my friend Tom’s garden. Add to this a little garlic and ginger, plus a splash of soy sauce and dinner will be served. Simple and filling.
There isn’t a shortage of food; there is a shortage of some types of food. Perhaps I can’t get a kind of potatoes, but I can likely find a different variety. The cold cereal may be off the shelves, but I might be able to find some pancake mix. I don’t worry about the type of olive that a dish requires, I wonder if I have a random can of olives in the pantry. It is about being flexible and creative.
I’m going to try to limit my grocery trips during the next two weeks, which means that we will mostly eat from our in-house supplies. It may get a bit dicey as our options become more limited. However, we will not starve; life will go on.
As I have said in the past most things in life are neither bad nor good, they just are. We are the ones who add a positive or negative valence to life events. It is a good thing that our home is returning to a less wasteful cooking style. It is good that my kids are seeing the benefit of being flexible and adaptive. It is good to be grateful to have food on the table.
Life is more comfortable when you train yourself to see the positive in things. Our family will get through this, one economical meal at a time.
Boiling some potatoes that will be shredded and added to a frittata. Involving the kids in meal prep. (note the spray bottle of homemade surface disinfectant next to William).Cornbread and enchilada soup (made from leftovers).
It has been difficult for me to be creative during these last few weeks. My mind travels to Maslow’s Hierarchy, and I seem to be stuck at “Safety” with a heavy dose of “Love and Belonging.” I’m nowhere near “Esteem” or “Self-Actualization.”
There have been so many changes recently that I feel like I fell asleep and woke up in an alternative universe—a place void of toilet paper and ground beef. A place where we are finally doing something about global warming, not because of a conscious effort, but because there is nowhere to drive.
I was away for a few days right at the beginning of March. By the time I returned home, the COVID-19 crisis was taking off. I went to Walmart to get some necessary supplies and was shocked to find that many of the shelves were completely bare. Yes, there was no toilet paper or paper towels, but other items were also missing…. rice, beans, flour, yeast, instant potatoes, peanut butter, the list went on. As a kid, I remember my mom going to the store early so she could get a big frozen turkey for Thanksgiving, but I have no memory of dealing with such food shortages. It felt very surreal. I bought what I could, and I was grateful for what I found.
Back at home, I used my knowledge of chemistry to concoct a surface disinfectant, and my understanding of microbiology to institute some cleaning procedures, such as sanitizing our eating surfaces both before and after a meal. I also made sure that we were using our foaming soap dispensers instead of the regular ones, as the foamers use much less soap. It seems that liquid hand soap is also in short supply. Since I couldn’t get TP locally, I went online to find that the regular packs were sold out. In desperation, I bought a case of cheap hotel stuff. Three days later, Amazon emailed me and informed me that I canceled the order…I did not. I told Julie to save our daily newspapers, just in case, and I got a quick lesson on how to fluff newsprint from Tom. He was raised in Poland during a time where TP was a luxury item for many.
My kids have always had free reign when it comes to food, and my William can quickly eat an entire broasted chicken in one sitting. I sat the family down and told them to snack only when they were genuinely hungry. Items like pasta needed to be reserved for meals.
I returned to a store and found two, one pound tubes of 70% lean hamburger. In the past, I felt that the frozen tubes of hamburger were suspect, and I would only buy the freshly ground very lean stuff. I thought that I struck gold with my “tube” find, and I plotted how I could use a single tube to feed my family of 5 adults, stretching 2 pounds of ground beef for two meals.
As all of this was going on, I watched the stock market crash. Investments are my primary source of retirement income, and to watch 30 years of sacrifice evaporate was soul-crushing. My financial advisor suggested that I use alternative sources of income… I told him that I didn’t have alternative sources. I re-framed my thinking, noting that many were in much worse financial straights and that I should be grateful that I had enough money to buy groceries, no matter how limited they were.
Our church canceled in-house services but went online. We gathered in our family room as I cast the service from my Macbook to the family room TV. At communion time, we each ate a Ritz cracker; it was the most “unleavened” item that we had. It was surreal to have the service in one corner of the TV and a comments thread running along the other side of the screen. However, it felt good to be part of a broader community.
During the early days of this crisis, we had to gather our adult children. One day I drove a 13 hour round trip to Ohio to get Grace. I spent most of the next day packing up my son, Will’s dorm room. On another day, we picked up our Kathryn from OHare. She, along with 7000 other Peace Corps volunteers, had been evacuated. She had spent eight months in Africa teaching Physics and Computer Science in Mozambique.
I set up temporary study stations so my two youngest could continue with their college classes online. Kathryn placed herself in “self-quarantine” to make sure that she wasn’t incubating anything from her 20-hour flight from Africa to Dulles in Washington DC.
A few days later, Governor Pritzker issued a shelter-in-place order, and Illinois shut down. I went to the Jewel to see if I could get some more food, and I was surprised to see the number of patrons whose carts were filled mostly with booze of various types. I guess they were going to party hardy in isolation.
Like many, I tried to connect with others via Zoom, and I have been making a lot more Facetime and phone calls. Julie continues to work, even though we have all begged her to see patients only online. She says that some clients don’t have that ability, so now she is seeing about ½ of her clients online and the rest in her office. I have tried to take on more of the household roles to ease her burden.
I’m surprised at how stressed I am doing simple tasks, like making dinner. Normally, I can do such things blindfolded. However, I think that I am using most of my psychological resources to get through the day. This is why making dinner seems like such a big deal, and why I don’t want to practice the guitar, organize my closets, or take creative photos. By the end of the day, I’m done.
I’m calling my oldest daughter more (she lives in another city). She is dealing with her stress. I’m also contacting people who I love and care about on a more regular basis. During the first week of shelter-in-place, the only contact that I had with my friend Tom was via the iPhone. During this second week, we carefully planned some get-togethers that were consistent with the new rules of the land. I met him in his backyard, and at an appropriate distance. I have known Tom for the last five years, but it seems like we have known each other for a lifetime. During life before COVID, we saw each other almost every day, and I think we were both missing that contact. Have you ever had a friend like that? I feel fortunate that I do.
I’m finding that I’m more sensitive as of late. Things hurt my feelings more, and when my kids or wife say something negative about me (even when joking), it cuts deep. I’m trying hard to make sure that we have our basic needs met, and negative remarks about my efforts hurt. I’m trying to process these feelings internally, and I’m making a strong effort to “walk away” when I want to bark back.
Two of my “at home” kids have been extraordinarily helpful—one, less so. I’m trying to focus my energy on all of the great help the first two are doing for the family, and I’m trying to be grateful that the third child is home and safe with us. It would be easy to snap at #3, but it would serve no purpose, and so I find myself praying a lot and walking away. I am making a strong effort to be grateful that my family is mostly together. Things could be so much worse.
Every day is presenting new challenges in this alternative universe called the COVID-19 pandemic. Like most, I’m doing my best. I’m so aware that people are essential, stuff is not. I’m feeling grateful that as of this writing, we are all in reasonably good health. I’m thankful that I had a cup of coffee this morning, and some peanut butter to put on my breakfast banana. I’m also grateful that I am in a warm and secure home. I’m am so happy to love and to be loved.
Priorities have shifted, what seemed so important a few weeks ago appears trivial at this time.
One day at a time.
Julie “seeing patients” from our sunroom. I put this sign on our front door.Grace attending an on-line class.Filling our time with a card game.I’m going on a lot of walks.Empty shelves at the grocer.The kids and Mercury the cat doing a little kitchen floor socializing. A simple meal of home-baked challah and cream of chicken soup.
I am not a political person. I am a truth, equality, and justice person. The stock market is the primary source of the money that I live on. I am being hurt by the deflating economy, likely more so than many, as I am no longer in the paid workforce. Also, I am a medical doctor who has advanced training in microbiology; It is with these facts that I write the following.
I am 67 years old, and I have been horrified by what is being promoted by some politicians in high office, as well as popular conservative commentators. There are two prongs to their comments. The first one is that the economy needs to be restarted in a few weeks. The second is that it is OK for high-risk individuals (those over 60 years old) to sacrifice their lives by returning to work early so that the next generation can live in a prosperous America.
The above statements are not only incredibly insensitive, but they are patently false. Let me expand on this.
There are over 50 million Americans who are over the age of 60. Many of us still do paid work, and many others do unpaid work. In this last week, I fixed my sister’s Mac (over the phone) and fixed my daughter’s Windows computer that had a Trojan virus. I shopped, made dinners, cleaned the house, offered support to those close to me via Facebook, Facetime, and the phone, and did countless other useful things. My housekeeping work has allowed my wife (who is a practicing Clinical Psychologist) to continue to work with patients who need her support and counsel. I don’t see my 67-year-old life as being useless. However, because I’m older and a male, my chance of dying from Covid-19 is tremendously higher than younger individuals.
We have had other times in our history where we “sacrificed” others for what we claimed was the greater good. We enslaved Africans to provide cheap labor. We infected Native Americans with Cholera by giving them infected blankets. During the Great Depression, we forced Hispanics Americans to move to Mexico to open up jobs for whites. Many of these individuals didn’t even speak Spanish. During WWII, we forced Japanese Americans into concentration camps and claimed their property and possessions. These are just some examples of how easy it is to devalue life, especially if that devaluation doesn’t impact us. Apparently, the secret is to take away from those who are most vulnerable as they are less likely to put up a fuss.
Dying from Covid-19 is not a peaceful and romanticized “Soylent Green” death. In many cases, the virus, combined with an overactive immune system, destroys the lungs. This results in a slow and painful suffocation death. When your breathing starts to shut-down, the only recourse is to use a mechanical breathing device to assist you. In other words, a respirator. A respirator can’t save everyone, but it can save many. Naturally, it can’t resolve the lung damage that is resultant from the illness. Many who require respiratory support will likely have permanent lung damage, even if they fully recover from the virus.
We do not have a medication treatment for this illness, despite what you may be hearing from unqualified individuals. Medical professionals are exploring many options, but none have enough data to suggest that they should be used in treating this illness. Promoting false information has resulted in shortages for patients who need medications to treat diseases that do respond to these drugs. A man in Arizona died, and his wife is in critical care after taking industrial chloroquine to “protect” himself from Covid-19. It is easy to believe false information when it comes to an influential authority figure. No one made this couple foolishly ingest aquarium cleaner, but the seed of the idea started from those most high.
We can assume that those individuals who are promoting the “sacrifice” of an entire generation will be protected by their wealth and status. They claim to be on the front line, but is that true? If they are working, it can be assumed that they are doing so in safe and shielded spaces. If they somehow succumb to the illness, they will be guaranteed testing and hospitalization. If they need a respirator, one will be found. The same cannot be said of millions of others.
There are also the utterly false assumptions that younger people are immune to Covid-19, or that Covid-19 is just another flu. In situations where the health care system is operating efficiently, the lethality rate of Covid-19 is about ten times that of the flu. In countries where the health care system is overwhelmed (such as Italy), it is over 100 times more lethal. Let that number sink in…ONE HUNDRED TIMES MORE LETHAL. This is NOT the common flu.
We are told that more people die in car accidents than will die from Covid-19. This is probably false. Besides, the same statement could be made when looking at the number of people who were killed during the 911 crisis. Should we have ignored that crisis based on a comparison to motor vehicle deaths? Of course not.
Since we have no currently known effective treatments for this disease, we are left with only two options. The first is to reduce the number of active cases in the system. This is accomplished by reducing the number of infections, and we are all familiar with the drill… socially isolate, shelter-in-place, wash your hands. The second is to provide supportive medical care to give our bodies a chance to heal themselves. This is where hospitalization and possible ventilator treatment comes in.
The above actions buy time to explore which of the many proposed treatments help (so that beneficial protocols can be established). And the time to develop a vaccine against this coronavirus. Also, they reduce the number of patients being admitted to the hospital, which hopefully will keep the death rate around ten times that of the flu, instead of 100 (or more) times.
To relax social isolation, shelter-in-place, and other epidemiological protocols early WOULD (not could) cause a devastating increase in the number of infections, which surely would overpower our medical system resulting in a many-fold increase in the deaths of not only seniors but all other age groups.
To think otherwise is to ignore historical facts. During 1918 Spanish flu, the city fathers of Phillidelphia decided to continue with a war-bonds parade/rally despite the powerful objection of health officials. At the same time, St. Louis followed medical advice and shut down the city. Within weeks of the parade, 4,500 Philadelphians were dead from the virus. This death rate was over twice as high as in St. Louis. Social distancing does work… why can’t we learn a lesson that was proven in our own country over 100 years ago? This is not a time in history where we should rely on a “hunch,” we have facts. By the way, why are we not seeing the CDC… the Center For Disease Control being more active? They should be as prominent as our president during this crisis.
This is a challenging and trying time for our entire planet. However, I do believe that we will develop effective treatments and a vaccine for this virus. Just as importantly, we will (hopefully) reinstitute the roles of science, logic, and common sense so we can contain the next viral outbreak, which will surely come.
I am not willing to sacrifice my life for a temporary bump in the economy (and, most certainly, a crash when an exponential increase in Covid-19 cases crushes our population). We are not sheep; we need to use our minds and real data to make decisions that help both ourselves and our country. And yes, it will be hard times.
So am I being selfish by wanting to live and to continue to contribue to our country? Is having a consumer oriented country more important than 50 million older adults? I asked my daughter this question, “Would you rather have me around or the latest iPhone?” Thankfully, she choose the former.
We are all high risk, but very much alive and contributing. Photo was taken well before the Covid-19 outbreak.Me with my wife and two of my three children who are now back home. I’m doing most of our domestic chores so my wife can continue her work as a Clinical Psychologist.A flower is seen on a recent socially-distant walk shows that life is resilient.Celebrating my 67th birthday. Hopefully, more to come.
Dear readers, last week I started to write a new post. However, its contents seem trivial based on the Coronavirus pandemic. I’ll finish and post it at some future date.
The pandemic has caused a significant change of all global societies, and just about everyone on the planet has been impacted. On a more personal level, there have been a number of documented cases where I live, and I assume that those numbers will rise when testing becomes more available.
My wife and I became empty-nesters this year, but that has all changed. Our two college-age kids are now home and will complete the final weeks of their semesters on-line. Another daughter will be returning from Africa next week. She worked very hard to have the privilege of serving as a Peace Corps volunteer, and now her dreams have been dashed by this viral outbreak.
Of course, it is wonderful to have our children back at home, but their influx also presents problems. When my kids were growing up they often heard me say, “There are no emergencies for those who are prepared.” This rule also applies to social situations, in our case going from a 2 person to a 5 person household.
Yesterday we had a house meeting to talk about shoring up some of our family expectations. The focus was on acting reasonably and respectfully. I thought I would list some of the points here, as you may find them a nidus to stimulate a family discussion at your home.
House Rules, Covid-19 Edition
1. Our house needs to stay as clean and organized as reasonable. We deserve to have a pleasant place to live in. 2. We have some food supplies, but we need to use them wisely. We need to waste less and reprioritize what we eat. The box of pasta that was formally used as a cheap snack has now become a family meal. 3. We need to live life as normally as possible. {Two of our kids are still in college and we have explored places in the house where they can continue their on-line college experience in peace.} 4. We need to practice “standard precautions” when it comes to general hygiene, safety, and health. {The term “standard precautions” is a hospital term relating to safety and sanitary procedures.} 5. We need to support each other. 6. We need to love each other. 7. We need to be kind to each other. 8. We need to practice the above behaviors to others beyond our family. The world is tense, we don’t need to make it tenser by our rude or entitled behaviors. 9. We need to pitch in and cooperate. All of us need to work together to keep our home running as smoothly as possible. There is no room for a prima donna. 10. We need to keep abreast of the real facts about our current crisis. 11. We MUST avoid buying into rumors, conjecture, bad science, click bate, and crisis mongerers. Theory or conjecture are not facts and can have negative consequences. 12. If we have fears or concerns we need to share them and allow others to comfort and support us. 13. We need to realize that tomorrow is another day. Our city, state, country, and world have gone through worse times and we have survived. 14. Together we are stronger, we need to always remember that. Be kind and helpful to everyone.
Dear reader, during this time I send you my warmest thoughts and most positive energy.
Dr. Mike
My neighborhood streets are empty.No traffic on a normally busy street.A popular breakfast joint is closed and dark.
Despite all of my efforts, I can still be a victim of my own imposed limitations. My personal flaws bother me.
I have been reasonably busy during my retirement year, and have grown in a variety of ways. I have been fortunate to use my photography skills to do work for others, and I wholly enjoy the challenges that those opportunities have presented. Every time I create something for someone else, my photography grows a little more. However, I am bounded by the expectations of the client. The constraints of the job limit my creative vision. There is another area of photography that I am drawn to. It is an area that has little commercial value.
I walk early in the morning, and sometimes I’ll spy lights on in houses that I pass. I always wonder, “Who is up in that house? What are they doing? What are they having for breakfast? Are they getting ready for work or school? What kind of work do they do?” The questions continue in my mind. I ask myself similar questions when I drive through small towns and villages. In each, lives are moving forward, some successful, others less so.
In the Midwest, many small and medium-sized communities are failing. Factories are abandoned; residents have moved to larger cities. Stores in the downtown areas are frequently closed or occupied by resale shops and bars. Houses are often in need of repair. These realities are especially evident in places ignored by interstate highways. Once vibrant communities slowly die, a process fueled by decreased populations and reduced city revenues. Each house, storefront, and building tells a story, and every one of them is fascinating to me.
There are other discoveries to be made on rural roads. Great barns, some shiny, others in ruin. Majestic parks, historical markers, and hidden vistas dot the landscape. All you need to do is to pause and look. Sadly, few do.
There is a little boy inside of me who is full of wonderment. I have been fortunate to have a few people in my life who share similar excitement when discovering those things that most others would pass on. These individuals have an inner child in them, and I am so very grateful that we have found each other.
However, I know of no one who has both the “wonderment quotient” as well as a love of photography. No one would find it interesting to go on a photo-taking adventure with me. Years ago, I joined a photography MeetUp group. However, the group expanded so rapidly that it ignited my shyness, and I stopped going. I much prefer more intimate experiences.
Who is stopping me? Me!
I want to visit small towns. I want to explore the countryside. I want to photograph images as I see them. Why have I been ignoring this need?
I am aware of how fear impacts my ability to do new things. I tend to overthink, and this can lead to “what if” scenarios, which can be immobilizing. However, I refuse to let fear stand in my way of doing anything rational. I will push past it.
Guilt also plays a factor. I have to admit that I feel guilty that I have so much free time. I feel guilty that I can do an activity on days when my wife works. Going on a day trip requires a level of self-indulgence.
Who is stopping me? Me!
I scanned a road map and determined that there were several towns on Route 64 that looked interesting. I could drive to them and back in a single day. I mentioned my plan to Julie, and she was OK with it.
I traveled last week, and I wholly enjoyed my explorations. Here are some of the photos that I took:
A few of the many doorways that I photographed. They all could tell a story.
A huge grain elevator in the middle of nowhere.
Old houses in need of some TLC.
An abandoned college campus.
A magnificent county courthouse.
Mississippi Palisades State Park.
I faced my fear and guilt and accomplished my goal. However, the experience wasn’t perfect. I was once again aware of the loneliness that I felt. A feeling that I wanted to share my experience with someone. “Look at that cool building!” “What do you think of that view?” “Would you shoot that barn from this angle or that angle?” A travel companion would have been icing on my exploration cake.
I am planning more photo day trips, and I’m also considering pushing my comfort zone further. I’m thinking about reaching out to strangers to see if there is someone who would like to go with me on a photoshoot day trip. I can’t be the only retired guy with both an interest and a camera. An additional bonus would be the sharing of travel expenses. However, the exact same barriers are preventing me from moving on to this new idea.
What if I’m not compatible with a new travel buddy? What if they don’t like me? What if they are an ax murderer? -OK, that latter point may be a stretch. I understand that if I experience a terrible match, it is only one day of my life. Indeed, a reasonable risk.
The second barrier is more significant for me. I am an intense person who forms emotional relationships. If you can deal with me, you will be rewarded with a true friend who will stand by you no matter what. I value a few strong relationships over dozens of weaker ones. I like relationships where I can be myself and not fear that I’m “too intense” for the other person to handle. These kinds of connections require a lot of work, effort, and time from both sides. If I developed a strong relationship with a new photo buddy, I would feel guilty that I was taking time away from my established connections. This may seem illogical to you, but it is an honest concern for me. Two good friends are not the equivalent of one best friend.
It is interesting that common themes stand as barriers from me to being completely true to my needs. Fear does play into my decisions, but I’m used to pushing past that feeling. However, guilt plays a more important function. Guilt that I’m having fun when someone else is not. Guilt that I’m being disloyal to those who I care for. Guilt that I don’t deserve to have as much success as I’m having. I can surmise why I have these feelings, but that doesn’t eliminate them. However, I believe that I can work through them on a case-by-case basis. It will be an interesting growth journey.
I can’t say if I’m going to try the photo buddy route, but I can say that I will absolutely go on another photoshoot day trip. There is so much to see, and with each discovery, I feel that I grow. I have never wanted to be determined by someone other than me. With that said, I don’t want to be determined by my self-imposed limitations. I want to base my life on what I can do, not what I can’t do.
Last week I wrote a review of my life after one year of full-time retirement. I left the paid workforce right after my 66th birthday. My retirement and birthday will forever be linked, but they are still separate events. When I blogged about my retirement, I structured the post to focus on functional things, like my hobby life. Today, I would like to focus more on what aging has brought me.
My 67th birthday was a shock to me. I was the “surprise” in my family and was born 7 years after my next closest sibling. When you are in such a position, it seems that you’re always younger than those around you. However, time marches on, and it will eventually catch up to you.
The average life expectancy for a man in the US is 78.69 years or roughly a decade from my current age. This is a sobering number that I hope to exceed, but it does give me pause. When I was in my 20s, it seemed that I had an infinite amount of time to determine my destiny. When I entered my forties, I realized that half of my life was over. During my 50s, I convinced myself that being 50 was the new 40. I am now 67 and much closer to 70 than 50. It is difficult to find a slogan to soften that fact.
I am not a person who spends a lot of time looking at myself in the mirror. I will glance at myself when I’m washing my face or brushing my teeth, but I don’t pay a lot of attention. However, sometimes I’ll accidentally see my reflection when I’m out and about. During those situations, I shock myself. “Who is that old dude?… Gads, it’s me!” I’m grey, bald, and something strange has happened to my skin, it wrinkly! When did that happen?”
My 67th birthday cake.
I am very grateful that I’m healthy, and I try to be active. However, as you age you are not as strong or supple as you were when you were younger. When I’m sitting for a long time, I become stiff. I get random aches and pains that seem to have no other purpose other than to aggravate me. I find myself hunching over and have to consciously force myself to walk more erectly. I can no longer sleep without a pillow, as my neck refuses to lie flat.
I find that I multitask less, and I’m more inclined to “take a little break” after I do an activity like grocery shopping. I’m more cautious when facing novel situations. I worry more about ice when I walk. It takes me a bit longer to learn something new. Also, I’m aware that I’m at an age where “stuff happens.” Men in my decade develop serious illnesses, have heart attacks, and get cancer. This is sobering.
However, it is not all doom and gloom. I have more unstructured time, which is something that I have not had since my teens. I love to ponder random things and expand my knowledge. I enjoy exploring. The other day I spent several hours trying to find something that I had not used for years. In the past, I would have given myself 15 minutes to search, and then moved on. However, I took my time, and in the process of hunting, I discovered a few other fun items. This wasn’t 15 minutes of “I don’t have time for this” torture, it was two hours of fun and discovery.
I am doing more win/win activities. My recent cake decorating class got me thinking; I’m pretty sure that I can duplicate fancy bakery cupcakes (think “Molly’s”) at a fraction of the cost of buying them at a cupcake boutique. Tomorrow, I’ll make some lemon/poppyseed cupcakes with a lemon curd filling, and a zesty citrus frosting. If they turn out, I’ll give them to Julie, and she can take them to her Bible study group. I avoid concentrated forms of sugar, but I can still have fun learning this new skill.
Filling cupcake liners
Coloring American buttercream frosting.
Filling the cupcakes with lemon curd.
The final product was given to Julie for her group.
I’m available to help my friend, Tom, with any task that he may come up with. It has been great fun to spontaneously do things with him.
Julie and I put together a care package for my daughter, who is currently living in Africa. I was able to spend the time to find my old “Seal-A-Meal” and vacuum pack the items for safer transport. I avoided a “here’s one more thing to do,” mentality. Instead, I imagined the smile on my daughter’s face when she received items that weren’t broken or stale.
I think that the life experience that comes with age has allowed me to better enjoy doing these things. I have come to believe that small things can be just as rewarding as significant events. An expensive trip is incredible, but so is helping someone you care about.
With age, I have become happier with what I have. When I was younger, I was more likely to associate happiness with material possessions. The car that I drove was important, as were other physical trappings. These desires lessened years ago, and now things appear to have little value beyond their actual utility. I am grateful for what I have.
I feel that I’m good enough. I think some may assume that I’m a competitive person (being a doctor, and all of that). However, this has never been the case. I have structured my life so that my trajectory falls squarely on my abilities alone. My successes are not fueled by someone else’s failures. I believe that it is irrelevant if my life is better than another person, it is more important that I’m improving who I am. However, I do want to be on an even playing field with those around me. I live in a town that has frequently been cited as one of the best places to live in the US. I have a beautiful house, but many have much larger homes. People talk about their exotic trips and expensive purchases. Fancy cars, like Teslas, are commonplace. I had intellectually distanced myself from envy a long time ago. However, with age, this denunciation has been embraced by my emotional self.
I indulge myself in random interests. I now have more time and less responsibility. Soon I’ll take a day trip to rural Illinois to photograph small-town landscapes. I want to take a few days to travel in Violet the campervan to Southern Illinois to visit a National Forests. I’m considering a solo trip to see my kids. I’m thinking about taking an adult education class. And much more.
Massive grain storage on the prairies.
The county courthouse in Oregon, Illinois.A doorway at an abandoned college campus in Mt. Carroll, Illinois. Storefront in Savana, Illinois.
I have become more frugal. It should be noted that my retirement celebration cake from Genesis was in the form of an Amazon package. A nod to the many packages that I would receive at my workplace. Therefore, the above statement may seem shocking to my former co-workers. I am attempting to make do with less. I’m trying to prepare foods that I purchased, and eat the foods that I prepared. I’m asking myself the question, “Do I really need that?” when I’m at the store or looking on-line. It feels good to use less.
A retirement cake in the shape of an Amazon package.
I cry easier. I was recently watching a documentary on TV that had a happy ending, and I found myself tearing up with happiness. I genuinely feel sad when I read about people who are suffering. I’m more likely to be overwhelmed with love for those close to me. An emotional barrier has broken inside of me, and I’m not complaining.
I feel a greater need to spend time with people who I care about, and less time with obligatory connections. I want to be with people who I love, and I don’t want to waste even a moment.
Things that excited me as a child are exciting to me again. A snowstorm no longer means a lousy commute, it is a wintery adventure. A walk in the woods isn’t just exercise, it is a discovery opportunity. From decorating cakes to home construction, I celebrate activities and experiences.
Snow on my morning walk.
Snowy covered bridge on my walk.
A snowy path along my walk.
It has become easier to say no. I have always been good at setting limits, but I would still succumb to doing things that I didn’t want to, as I didn’t want to disappoint people. I still want to extend myself, but it is easier to pass on things that I really don’t want to do.
I savor every day. Each day can be as fantastic or miserable as I choose to make it. I find myself making a conscious effort to enjoy every single day. I don’t have time to place my life on hold.
Every phase of life has negative and positive realities. Being freed from the burden of a 60 hour/week work schedule has opened up new opportunities, and has allowed me to revisit old interests. Each day is a new beginning, and I want to take advantage of every moment.
At the end of February 2019, I fully retired from the paid workforce. After working my entire life, I was ready for this move, but I was uncertain of what my future would hold. In preparation, I developed goals and objectives similar to what I would have done in my working life, but I was unclear if these tasks would be enough to keep me busy and happy. As an exercise to myself, I thought I would write about this first year of being a full-time retiree. Perhaps it will guide me as I enter into year two.
Some of my initially planned activities worked, some failed, some were revisited, and new ones emerged. Surprisingly, things that I didn’t place on my list turned out to be more critical than some of my planned activities. So, let’s get started!
Organizing my life
I am a person who likes to discover and compare things; I have acquired a lot of stuff. Also, my home housed my wife and our four children. When we faced the dilemma of what to do with things that we “might use someday,” the items typically found their way into our basement. For me, the thought of cleaning out this mess has always been entirely overwhelming, and to combat this, I have been tackling the cleaning project one garbage bag at a time. After one year, I have cleaned out a utility room and a considerable crawlspace, but I have much more to do. Yet, I’m satisfied with my progress. I don’t have a timeline for this task, and every item that goes to Goodwill or the junkpile is a personal victory.
The crawl space finally cleaned out…one bite at a time.
Health
Five years ago, I started a radical change in my behavior in anticipation of my retirement. I began to exercise regularly and changed my diet, most notably avoiding concentrated forms of sugar. In the process, I lost quite a bit of weight.
I continue to exercise and avoid sugar. However, my eating has increased. I do try to eat healthy choices. However, my weight has crept up, which is discouraging, but not unexpected.
I have never been able to maintain a stable weight. In other words, my weight has always climbed. I understand this, and I am much kinder to myself around this reality. However, it does have negative consequences. For instance, I’m reluctant to go to the doctor as I absolutely don’t want the “your gaining weight” lecture. (“Really? I didn’t know that. Thanks, so much Dr. Obvious.”) I rarely let my feelings impact my sound judgment, so I know that if needed, I’ll force myself to seek medical attention. Luckily, I’m pretty healthy at the moment. And yes, I’m working on my pride issues.
Creativity, Learning, and Teaching.
We all have things that turn us on. For me, the trinity listed above is at the core of my feeling happy and productive.
I am pleased to say that I have pursued many of my planned interests as well as some unplanned ones. There are so many different things that I’m doing that they could be the topic of their own post. However, some of my highlights include:
Writing
I love to write, which is why I started this blog. Initially, I had grandiose plans, but I now understand that my purpose for writing isn’t to change the world. My blog has turned out to be a written history of who I am and what I believe. It is my hope that this will serve as a record for my children and beyond. I don’t want to be a forgotten footnote to those people who are most important to me.
It is common for me to think, “I have nothing to write about this week.” However, I always seem to come up with something. I find that most of my writings have a message or lesson. This is not planned, I think it is just the way I think.
Visual Arts
I love photography, and I have recently turned some of my photos into my own personal “works of art.” My photography has changed a bit over the last year as I seem to be doing more work for others. Since I enjoy helping people, this has been a win/win.
My biggest “client” is my best friend, Tom. I have taken countless photos of in-progress and completed construction projects, and this has forced me to learn an entirely different type of photography. Also, I have been shooting everything from portraits, corporate shots, school dances, and events. I love the combination of creativity and technology that photography allows. I want to continue to expand and enhance my photographic skills in the next year. At the moment, I believe that my future expansion will be in landscape photography.
Photos make your story alive.Doing architectural photography has been a new learning experience.My homemade “Loo Art.”
My Podcast
In 2006 I started a reasonably successful podcast called “Psychiatric Secrets Revealed.” Earlier this year, I abandoned it, as I thought it had gone stale. A viewer on my YouTube channel suggested that I use YouTube to read my blog posts, and this served as the perfect opportunity for me to reactivate the podcast as a forum for a reading of my weekly blog. Where this will go, I have no idea.
YouTube
My little YouTube channel (“Saving Savvy With Dr. Mike”) has always been a project designed to help others by disseminating honest, if opinionated, information on a variety of topics.
In the past, I would do a lot of camera reviews, but I’m retired now and can’t buy the “camera of the week.” However, I still manage to crank out videos. However, they have shifted focus, and they now challenge YouTube influencers who seem more interested in selling products than helping people (my personal opinion). I have found an audience of like-minded folks who have become their own little community.
Other creative pursuits
I’m cooking more and doing a variety of cooking-related things. I will often post my meals on Facebook, and this seems to inspire others to cook (how cool is that ?). My kids gave me a one day cake decorating class at the Wilton school, and now I’m trying to hone that skill. Making dinner for my wife, baking with my kids, or making a fancy cake; it all has been great fun for me.
Food served buffet style. Trying to improve my cake decorating skills.
Adventure!
I am a homebody, and I never thought that I would be traveling as much as I have been. With the help of my friend, Tom, I converted a Promaster cargo van into a camper and have done quite a bit of traveling in it. It has been super-awesome (horrible phrasing, but wholly accurate)! I absolutely love the freedom of having a house on wheels… Violet the campervan has become a physical metaphor for my new found freedom .
My empty cargo van.Empty van converted to Violet the campervan.
My wife, Julie, has also wanted to travel more, and she has been finding bargain flights. We will fly into a city and then get a rental car to go to other places. What fun!
Congaree National Park. Beautiful, but we got soaked!
Some of my travels have been with Julie, some with relatives, some with Tom, and some solo. That solo category deserves more comments, which I will do later in this post.
Hiking in Glacier National Park.Rain and umbrellas. Camping with the cousins.Tom building the fire.Getting ready to watch a movie “in 4-D” at the Coke museum.
New Responsibilities
Julie is 10 years my junior, and she is still in the paid workforce. I have been trying to be a good citizen by taking over many of the household responsibilities. However, I know that balance is necessary. I don’t mind doing a lot of the work, but I would be resentful if I had to do all of the work, or if her actions created unnecessary work for me. What I’m doing about this? I’m trying to be clear and direct with my needs and expectations.
Honesty
I have always thought of myself as an honest person, a reality further forced by the fact that I’m a terrible liar. However, I also am a person who likes to avoid conflict. This latter fact has hampered me in personal relationships as I would often give in to the needs of those close to me under the guise that I was being a good person.
Such a position has unfortunate consequences. First, it meant that I wasn’t getting my needs met. Second, it caused me to lose value to those close to me. If you always get what you want it doesn’t have much value. Of interest, I have never had a problem being assertive in my professional life… so, go figure.
Several years ago, I changed course and started to express my needs, and also my feelings of disappointment when I perceived that those around me were being inconsiderate or not valuing me. This was not an easy change in behavior. However, over time it has become more normalized.
When it comes to others, what is a reasonable expectation? What is excessive expectation? This is an area of personal growth that requires constant tending, and one that I continue to work on daily. I must be true to myself, so I can achieve authentic connections with those people who I love.
I am also trying to tell people that I love them. It is so easy to tell someone that you are mad at them, it should be just as easy to say to them you deeply value them.
Spiritual Life
This is an area that I’m continuing to explore, and it goes beyond religion. I’m trying to meditate more and to open my mind in different, less structured ways. I am also thinking more about spiritual writings. I recently did a 21-day modified fast to see what insights that practice would yield. This is a work in progress that I will continue to clumsily pursue.
A bread only meal-fasting.
Unstructured Time
This one was a massive surprise for me. I have always been a continually productive person. In fact, it is how I defined my purpose in life. Much of my mission statement steamed from feeling unworthy as a child. When teachers and other adults recognized my worth, it was because of my creative and academic abilities. These areas translated into how I saw my own worth. I have spent my entire life learning, creating, producing, and teaching.
I now have unstructured time. I can sit in a chair for an hour and look out the window. I can meditate. I can read something that doesn’t have learning value. There is a beautiful freedom in the above activities. I realize that these non-productive activities have just as much importance as focused learning times. Growth isn’t always about facts and figures.
Time to not be productive.
The builder
My father was reasonably handy around the house; we had many construction gadgets. Unfortunately, he wasn’t interested in teaching me about tools and techniques. In some ways, this was a good thing as it “forced” me to move in my own direction… science.
My friend Tom is a general contractor and can do amazing things when it comes to building. Through him, I have been able to learn more about construction. My inner 12-year-old emerges every time I discover a new power tool.
I love building, even if my understanding of it is limited. Through construction projects, I have been able to revisit an interest in my life that I had psychologically buried. I believe that I ignored this interest in the past as I was told that I was never good enough, and any project that I attempted on my own was ridiculed due to its naive implementation. As an adult, I have been given a chance to revisit construction, and with guidance, I have discovered that I absolutely can understand the process of building. The more I learn about this profession, the more I want to learn. I enjoy a creative process with a clear outcome.
Tom and I remodeled my powder room.
Relationships
This one may be obvious to the rest of the world, but it was surprising to me. I am an introvert who can be a functional extrovert when needed. For instance, I have no problem giving a lecture to 100 people. I’m not shy; however, to re-energize, I need quiet time.
I have no problem being alone, and I’m never bored with myself. However, during this last year, I have come to realize how meaningful relationships are to me. If you have read my other posts you know who most of my prominent connections are. In essence, I’m trying to be a better partner, father, sibling, relative, and friend. In return, I’m finding both a sense of connection and significance. That significance goes beyond what I can produce, it is a significance anchored on who I am.
Beyond core individuals, I’m trying to expand my social horizons. This is difficult as I’m an intense person who prefers to devote all of my energy to a few individuals rather than having casual contact with many. As in most things, I’m trying to find balance.
I believe that my awareness of the importance of relationships in my life has not only been my most surprising self-discovery; it has also been the most important one.
We were full of excitement and anticipation at this breakfast restaurant in North Dakota. Joining hands to give thanks.A small Droby Fest
So, where does that leave me?
Has my retirement been as good as I had expected? No… It has been much better. I want to continue to grow and explore. I want to expand my creative skills and continue to be healthy.
I desire to increase two areas in my retirement adventure that I didn’t realize would be important. Those two areas? My spiritual life and my relationship life. How I will do this isn’t exactly clear, but I know that the answers will come to me.
Yesterday I celebrated my birthday. Friends and family reached out to me to acknowledge this special day. Once again, it brought home to me how meaningful connections are in my life.
I have always wanted to have a positive impact on the world, no matter how small. I have come to believe that this has been and will be on an interpersonal level. If I can make someone’s life a tiny bit better, then I have had a successful day. However, I also understand that I have value in just being me.
At dinner, Julie announced, “When Will goes off to school, I’m done.” The words stunned me, and I didn’t know what to say.
Julie has never liked to cook, but with my prior work schedule, she was the chief cook and always made sure that the kids had something to eat for dinner. After 25 years of meal preparation, she felt that she had paid her dues, and she was done.
For those of you who are also my Facebook friends, you know that I’m a competent cook. For years I have posted my weekly adventures teaching my kids to plan and cook a meal, which I listed under the byline, “Cooking With Dad Thursdays.” Therefore, there shouldn’t be a problem with me preparing my own meals once our youngest child was off to college. However, Julie’s cessation of making dinner was a big problem for me. Not because of the mechanics of meal preparation, but for issues more central to who I am.
We all have ways that we express love and concern to others, and we all have ways that we feel the love and concern from those around us. One of the most important ways that I both express and feel love is through acts of service. I think it is nice if someone tells me that they love me, but it is by actions where such claims ring true to me. For me, the act of making dinner was synonymous with love.
Like most humans, I have an intellectual side and an emotional side, and these two personas are not always in sync. Intellectually, I knew that Julie didn’t like to cook and that I was completely capable of fending for myself. However, my emotional side felt differently. Every meal that she prepared was a tangible way of her demonstrating that she cared about me. My emotional side was hurt and confused.
In the past, I would overrule any emotional feeling intellectually. I would convince myself that my feelings were trivial and unimportant. I would shame myself into compliance. However, I now recognized that my emotional self is just as important as my intellectual self. Emotions are not logical, but they are valid.
I didn’t immediately respond to Julie’s pronouncement; I paused. I wanted to know if my emotional hurt would pass; it didn’t. I knew that I had to address my concerns, and these are the steps that I used to resolve my problem:
I searched for my feelings. Why was I feeling the way I did? In my emotional mind, I felt unimportant. These feelings were countered by my intellectual self, which knew otherwise. However, since they persisted, I knew that I had to address them.
I pondered what I needed. Did I need Julie to cook dinner seven nights a week? Certainly not. However, once in a blue moon wouldn’t cut it for me.
What was I willing to give in return? I would be ready to return the favor by making her nice dinners regularly.
How would I approach this problem?
With honesty.
By telling her how I felt.
By not blaming or intimidating her.
By moving towards a mutually beneficial compromise, rather than a win.
By listening to her concerns, and giving her potential solutions equal weight to mine.
I did the above when we both had time to talk and process. It would make no sense to have this discussion when Julie was walking out of the door or when she came home from a long day of work.
When we talked, I acknowledged that my feelings weren’t logical, but they were real. I told her how important it was to have her make dinner for me, and I explained to her that it was a way that demonstrated her love for me. However, I also stated that I was open and willing to hear her feelings and very ready to come up with a solution that was beneficial to both of us.
We looked at our weekly schedule. On Fridays, we always have delivery pizza, so that day was covered. Saturdays we often go out to eat. Also, Julie noted that she didn’t want to cook on the 3-4 weekdays that she worked.
It looked like Sunday and Monday were open. Either day would support both meal preparation as well as time to eat together.
Julie said she would be willing to make dinner on Mondays, and I said that I would take over Sunday meal prep. Now that the kids were out of the house, I transitioned my “Cooking With Dad Thursdays” Facebook segment into one called “Simple Sunday Suppers.”
Last Sunday, I made a tossed salad, pecan-crusted tilapia, fresh green beans, and rice pilaf. It sounds complicated, but it was straightforward. Last Monday Julie made a Trader Joe’s stuffed salmon loaf, roasted asparagus, and a salad. Both meals were delicious, but more importantly, we celebrated them as we ate together.
It is imperative to recognize emotional needs, even if they seem illogical. Sometimes it is not possible to have those needs met, and it is crucial to accept that fact. Often a compromise that meets both party’s objectives is better than a one-sided win. Solutions that benefit all individuals are more likely to be successful than options where one person has to “give-in” to the other.
The best approach to solving an emotional need problem is to thoroughly search your feeling to discover what the core issue is. In my case, it was more about being valuable to Julie than getting a prepared meal. Once you know what you are dealing with, it is then imperative to talk to the other person honestly and respectfully. Always be willing to acknowledge the other person’s feelings and compromise.
I like making dinner on Sundays, and it feels great to have a meal prepared for me on Mondays. I think Julie benefits too. Making dinner one night a week is not a significant burden on her, and she has the additional benefit of having me make her a nice Sunday supper.
I usually gather everything together before I start to prepare a meal.Pecan encrusted tilapia, green beans, rice pilaf, and a salad. Dinners don’t have to be elaborate. Here I made breakfast for dinner.One-pot meals are not only great but usually, there are also leftovers. Here I made some red beans and rice.Continue reading My Simple Guide To Resolving Marital Conflicts and Work Conflicts→
“Do you want to go to Houston in January?” Julie said. “I guess, but why Houston?” I replied. Apparently, Spirit Airlines had a cheap fare to Houston, and Julie felt that it would be warmer than Chicago.
I had forgotten about the trip, and then it was suddenly upon me. We needed to leave the house by 3:30 AM on a Thursday and at 9 PM the night before I was frantically packing. Over the years, I have learned to pack both lighter and more efficiently. I keep a Dopp Kit ready to go, so all I had to do was to transfer the liquid items into a quart ziplock bag for TSA. Also, I packed a hoodie, some shirts, an extra pair of pants, my sleep ware, and of course, socks and underwear.
I have a camera case in the style of a backpack, which is my under-the-seat carry-on. Since I use the bag when I’m not flying, I made sure to dump out all of the pouches and pockets. Thankfully, there were no banned items. Into my backpack went a fully charged iPad, a minimal first-aid kit, sunglasses, lip balm, a battery bank with adapter cords, and a few packaged snacks for the flight. The front pouch of the backpack is padded for cameras. In it, I placed my small Olympus OMD EM10 camera with its kit lens, an extra camera battery, a 20 mm F 1.8 lens, and a few other camera accessories. I’m an avid photographer, but I don’t want to haul a lot of extra camera gear.
I usually wake up early, but that is not the case for Julie. Yet, she was a good sport, and we were soon on our way to OHare International Airport. Our gate seemed to be in a different state, but that is what you expect when you are flying on a budget airline. Soon we were boarded and waiting to take off. Surprisingly, the budget carrier’s customer service was pretty good. However, my legroom was terrible, and within about 30 minutes, I started to have leg cramps. I focused on the fact that the flight was only 2 hours; it was a long two hours.
One place that we wanted to visit was the Johnson Space Center/Space Center of Houston, and after a light brunch, we drove through the gates, paid our admission fees, and started our tour. We were approached by a tall black man wearing a polo shirt emblazoned with the center’s logo. “Can I help you?” He asked. And with that, he gave us a detailed overview of what to see not only at the museum but also at the adjacent Johnson Space Center. He strongly suggested that we board the two shuttle tours as both of them would take us around the Johnson Space Center’s campus. One of the tours would allow us entry into the actual command center where the Apollo space missions were directed.
I was flooded with childhood memories. I grew up during the 1960s, and the space race dominated my thoughts during those years. That decade was a time of great American pride. There was a feeling that we could accomplish anything, figure out anything, do anything. I watched every single space launch and always held my breath when the giant rockets rose slowly and somewhat crookedly as they traveled up and beyond the earth’s atmosphere.
The 60s were a time when Americans feared that the USSR was going to invade our country and make us slaves to communism. Russia not only had launched Sputnik, the first satellite, it had also placed the first person in space. There was an honest concern that the US would be left behind.
However, on May 5, 1961, Alan Sheppard was strapped into a tiny Mercury capsule atop a Redstone rocket. He was sent on a 15-minute sub-orbital flight. The Russians had already placed Yuri Gagarin into a real earth orbit one month earlier, but there was a sense that we were still in the game. However, it wasn’t until February of 1962 that we successfully sent John Glenn into Earth orbit on top of an Atlas rocket.
As a kid, it seemed that each new flight offered a spectacular new accomplishment, and in 1965 NASA launched the first human-crewed Gemini capsule, which held two astronauts. Where the Mercury capsules were controlled on the ground, the Gemini capsules were piloted by the crew. The Gemini flights captivated me, and during these missions, astronauts walked in space, docked with other spacecraft, and did many other firsts (for the US) in preparation for an eventual lunar landing.
In 1967 tragedy struck the US when three astronauts were killed aboard Apollo 1. Its pure oxygen-containing cabin suffered a flash fire. Suddenly, my hubris shattered.
In future missions, NASA changed the atmosphere from pure oxygen to a less combustible atmosphere mix, and the number of flammable materials in the cabin were reduced. In October of 1968, Apollo 7 launched with a crew of three, and the country was once again moving towards its goal of landing a human on the moon. Which, of course, happened in July of 1969 with the flight of Apollo 11.
When the first crewed Mercury mission launched, I was eight, and when Neil Armstrong landed on the moon, I was 16. Only eight years and so much had happened. In1969 I had a summer job that started early. However, I made sure that I stayed up to see the fuzzy black and white TV image of Mr. Armstrong as his foot touched the moon’s powdery surface. How fortunate I was to witness one of the most momentous events in history!
The impact of the space program went well beyond a lunar landing. It was an inspirational program during an inspirational time. I had already been fascinated by the sci-fi B-movies. I had found a “mentor” in Don Herbert, the host of “Mr. Wizard,” which was a TV show that encouraged kids to do scientific experiments. However, the space program took me from fantasy and the ordinary to the extraordinary. Everything about it was real, yet it seemed unreal. NASA had the coolest on-board computer, the most fantastic space food, and a mission control center that seemed right out of the future. It inspired me to think beyond myself and to believe that I, too, could do anything. I was an American, living during the most fantastic time in history. I thought that the only thing that could stop me was me.
We boarded the shuttle and made the short trip from the Space Center of Houston to the adjacent Johnson Space Center. The tour guide telegraphed some facts along the way. The land was used for grazing cattle before it became one of the most famous places on earth. The buildings were designed to look like a college campus. The displayed Saturn rocket was the most massive rocket ever built, and so on. As we approached the Christopher C. Kraft Jr Mission Control Center, we were cautioned that the building was still in operation, and we were to remain absolutely silent during our time there.
We entered Mission Control and climbed over 80 stairs to the Apollo command center. NASA had spent millions renovating the room, which echoed a 60s vibe. The space was filled with built-in CRT consoles and huge viewing screens. We stepped into the observation room and took our seats. This was the same room that dignitaries and the press used when the actual flights took place. Even the burnt orange theater-style chairs were the original ones. Our guide started up a video that explained the significance of the room. Then it happened, the entire control room lit up. The computer monitors turned on and started to stream data. The giant screens illuminated showing flight paths and the grainy image of Neil Armstrong as he took his first steps on another world. It felt like I had been transported in time. My heart started to race as I felt my excitement build. The same excitement that I felt on that July night in 1969 when I saw the first video transmission of a human being walking on another world.
As the space program continued, people lost interest. They grumbled that the cost was too high for too little. However, the price isn’t only measured in the gain of scientific knowledge, the discovery of new materials, or political bragging rights. An entire generation of children became interested in science because of these programs. They became computer designers, engineers, medical doctors, researchers, and pilots. I think it is impossible to determine the overall gain that our country made because of NASA and the space program.
The Johnson Space Center continues as a facility that now manages satellites as well as missions to the International Space Station. A new initiative, the Orion program, will return humans to the moon and eventually to Mars over the next few decades.
On the shuttle to the Johnson Space Center, I saw young children. I wondered if one of these boys or girls lives will change due to their visit? A future scientist, engineer, researcher, or astronaut? NASA isn’t a waste of taxpayer’s money, it is a substantial investment in our future. Just like President Kennedy, we need to summon our imaginations to comprehend this fact.
The tiny Mercury space capsule.The Apollo spacecraft housed three astronauts.A real Saturn rocket, the largest rocket ever built.Mockup of astronauts on the moon.Massive engines from on the stages of the Saturn rocket.Rocks brought back from the moon.The real Apollo mission control. A more modern control center used for the International Space Station. Note the ashtray loaded with cigarettes!
