Groggy, sleepy, achy… I wake.

Dressing, eating, driving… I arrive

This was day three with the trainer.  Day three in gym class. “We are behind the wall.”  His voiced boomed out. We, meaning the trainer and me. Four Forty-Five in the morning and my day is already an hour long.

In front of me is a medicine ball. “Squat, lift, throw it to the ground… repeat!” Then backwards walking pulling a weight. Then lifting a kettle weight to my chest.  Then more.

My aches continue, but I am less sleepy.  My grogginess replaced by shortness of breath.  Again!  Repeat! And so it went for 45 minutes.

I do not like this, I hate it, but I do it.

I will return.

I will return because I promised someone that I would.  I will return because I know I will be stronger.

I hate it.

I am not good at this.  I am clumsy, I am weak. Towards the end every set I become wobbly.  My heart beats wildly. I am gasping…  

I will return.

My goal today is to celebrate that I showed up and did my best.  My goal today is to not dwell on how poor my best is.

I will return