Category Archives: Christmas in Minnesota

Changing Christmas, Christmas in Minnesota, Dealing with Christmas stress

We Ate Gas Station Food For Christmas Dinner

We drove almost 8 hours to return home from Minnesota. It was Christmas Day. Everything was closed on Christmas Day, including restaurants, fast food joints, and grocery stores. The only accessible businesses open are highway gas stations, which announce their interstate presence with giant neon signs that lurch out of the pitch-black darkness of winter nights.

-We need to eat.

-Our only option is a repast of gas station food.

Don’t feel too sorry for us. We had a great Christmas Eve dinner at my wife’s sister’s house in Minneapolis. We also had a wonderful Christmas Day brunch at my wife’s parents’ place in rural Minnesota. We were filled with both good food and camaraderie.

We will have our own family Christmas dinner in a few days, and we will visit our oldest daughter a few days after that.

As far as our gas station dinner, the food was as expected, perhaps a bit worse. However, it filled us up, and how many people can say that they had gas station food for their Christmas Day dinner? It is another experience to remember. Perhaps our kids will dramatize the event for their own children, “Kids don’t complain, our parents made us eat gas station food for Christmas dinner!” I must confess that I rather like the absurdness.

Everyone celebrates Christmas in their own way. Some expect a Norman Rockwell Christmas: perfect decorations, perfect food, perfect gifts, perfect family. If that is what you desire, you will be unhappy with your holiday.

We take a more freeform approach. In our case, it feels good to connect with our extended family, and we want to spend time together. It was worth driving from Chicago to Minneapolis on Christmas Eve to share a Christmas Eve dinner with my wife’s family. It was worth driving another hour west to have a delightful brunch with my wife’s 96-year-old parents, and it was worth driving almost 8 hours back to Chicago on Christmas Day to make the above happen.

We knew that everything would be closed on our drive home. That was OK. We did want a slightly better selection of gas-station food. But we accepted what was available.

Our adult kids will look back on days like yesterday with fond memories. Long conversations driving home, junk car food, and Christmas dinner purchased and eaten at a gas station.

A gourmet meal eaten with people that you don’t like is dreadful. Gas-station pizza with the people you love is always the better choice.

Dear Reader, life is what you make of it. It is easy to complain about all of the things that you don’t have. Perhaps you couldn’t afford the Pinterest dinner that you saw online. Maybe you couldn’t be with people that you wanted to be with. Or, someone chose not to spend time with you, even though you wanted to be with them on this holiday. The list of unfilled wants goes on and on. It is easy to turn Christmas into a day of disappointment if that is what you choose to do. That is especially true for those who are adept at cherry-picking. Add up online fantasy meals, this friend’s perfect family get-together, that friend’s fantastic received gifts, and this neighbor’s holiday decorations to create a “super” Christmas, and you are sure to make Christmas Day a day of depression.

But why do that? Why not focus on all the positive things you already have? Why not create a day that may be untraditional, yet special? There are many ways to do this, from extending your holiday to others in a similar situation to creating a non-traditional day. Chinese food on Christmas? A movie night at home or at your local movie theater? Christmas Day could be the day that you treat yourself to all of those movie theater concession items that you never allow yourself to buy!

Can’t spend the day with family or friends? How about sharing a glass of eggnog over a group ZOOM call? Feeling alone? Consider volunteering at a community or church Christmas meal. Have the cash, but not the group? Set a fancy table and cook an elaborate “meal-for-one.” Lobster tail, anyone?

For us, we had to shift times and expectations. Our primary goal was to be together. With that goal achieved, the rest of the events were superfluous. We will do a nice family dinner, and we will see our oldest daughter, just not on Christmas. Instead of feeling sorry that we can’t have the perfect Christmas Day, we see our exceptions as an extension of the holiday. We have reframed this non-traditional time and turned a negative into a positive. Gas station food on Christmas turns into a crazy story to retell. Not seeing our oldest on Christmas Day goes from a disappointment to a way to make Christmas last longer.

I have a friend who reminded me of the quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” How easy it is to selectively compare our lives with others. How foolish that comparison.

It is easy to feel sad when observing another’s Instagram life, or to fixate on that kid who, for whatever reason, has cut off contact with us, or to focus on that family member who isn’t behaving the way we think they should. Why not focus on the positive instead of the negative? Why not celebrate those who do want to spend time with us, rather than those who don’t?

We all know people who have to deal with unpleasant holiday expectations. The family party that always turns into a brawl. The adult child who is expected to recreate their parents’ expectations instead of creating their own traditions, the gift-opening, where the same person is unhappy with their gift, year after year.

I suggest creating a workaround. Can you avoid that horrible family party? Or can’t find a reason to leave early, and then make your own more pleasant memory. Can you set boundaries with those who want you to be responsible for their fantasy Christmas? Can you use humor to deflect negativity? Can you accept that person who will be unhappy with their gift, and not make it the focus of your day? Move on; let them sit in their own stink, but don’t let it cover you. You don’t have to spoil your holiday too.

Lastly, beyond its religious significance, Christmas is just a day. A day hyped up by advertisers and influencers. If all else fails, accept that it is only one day out of 365. It will be over in 24 hours.

We are more in control of our happiness than we think. Let’s exercise that control!

Peace

Mike

A TA gas station, the home of our Christmas dinner.

We entered with accepted resignation.

Many of the food options were missing. Perhaps a rubber personal pan pizza?

Who says you have to have a full kitchen to make a Christmas Day dinner? This gas station microwave should do the trick!

This grab-and-go chicken tender dinner looked good. Sadly, it was pretty terrible. The tenders were super spicy to the point of creating an urgent need for one of our travelers.

Acceptance of others, Christmas in Minnesota, Christmas newsletters, family, Family relationships, family traditions, Good relationships, Holiday Celebrations, Minnesota

Christmas In Cold Minnesota

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I could see the outline of the Minneapolis-St. Paul skyline from my window seat as the plane banked to the left. The year was 1989, and I had just finished taking part II of my Psychiatry Board exam at the Hennepin County Hospital in Minneapolis. I felt that I had done well, and I was feeling a sense of relief.  This was my first time visiting the Twin Cities, and I remember thinking that this visit would be not only my first but also my last. There was no reason to return.

December 1991, I packed two suitcases into the tiny back seat of my 1988 Mustang GT convertible. My Mustang had a brilliant white body, accented by a dark navy blue ragtop. She was sleek, sexy, and very fast.  The GT drove like a dream on dry pavement, but it could be treacherous with the slightest bit of snow. This latter fact concerned me as I was about to embark on a 450-mile trip up north.

I started the car’s engine and rotated the heater knobs to warm the cabin and defrost the windshield.  I reached over the passenger seat, grabbed my yellow window scraper, and started to hack the ice and snow off the windshield.  I waited for the car to warm up before going back into the house to get my girlfriend. I was already feeling anxious.

She was also feeling nervous, but we were both playing it cool.  Soon we were whizzing down I-88, then I-39, then I-90. We made random conversation and tried to appear calm.  Our hidden anxiety evidenced by our frequent detours to interstate rest-stops. I would have to stop, then she would.  Our suddenly overactive bladders were providing a window into our inner emotional state.

We had started dating in July, and a few months later she had asked me to travel north to spend Christmas with her family who lived in a rural town outside of the Twin Cities. I had given up on all dating for almost two years before that July. I had decided that the whole courtship process was too stressful and I had made a commitment to myself to live a single life. I was happy with my choice, but I also felt like something was missing. I met her at a random meeting one week before she was to leave our workplace to return to graduate school. We sat next to each other at that meeting, and we started to chat; a week later I asked her out on a date… now we were driving to Minnesota.

The drive was long, the air was frigid cold. We drove through the Twin Cities and got onto Highway 55, traveling west towards the town of Buffalo.  My heart was beating faster as we drove down the narrow road, past farms and frozen fields. Finally, we arrived at Buffalo, the county seat of Wright County.  A town of 10,000 surrounded by Buffalo Lake, Lake Pulaski, and Deer Lake. Julie’s parent’s house was on Buffalo Lake. We pulled up a large circular driveway at the back of the house.  There were cars already parked, we were not the first to arrive.

There was no need to knock, and Julie opened the back door and walked in.  I followed with my suitcase and a large gift basket that I brought as a hostess gift. We were greeted with welcomes and hellos.  Everyone was excited to see Julie and curious to meet me. I was satisfied with smiles and the smell of dinner cooking in the oven. I’m naturally shy, and I quickly donned my more social alter ego.  A smile on my face, I moved forward boldly.

The day consisted of polite questions, good food, and parlor games. At some point, Christmas gifts were opened. Julie’s father, Bob requested that she play a piano duet with her sister Kathy.  They dutifully banged out a few Christmas carols. At some point, Julie and I walked to Buffalo’s downtown, which was only a block away. At the town’s grocery store Julie ran into several residents, all of them wanting an update as they looked at me with questioning eyes. At another point, Bob loaded me into his old Lincoln and drove me directly onto Buffalo Lake.  As a city boy, I was confident that we would plunge to our deaths believing that the weight of the car would crack the ice beneath its wheels. It did not, and I lived another day. That night the temperature dropped to -19 F, I got ready to go out and warm up the Mustang to make sure that it would start the next morning. Julie’s brother-in-law, Karl quizzically looked at me, “Why are you starting the car, it is only -19?”  I was definitely in Minnesota!

Despite my shyness, I soon felt comfortable and fell back into my real personality.  Julie’s family is very Swedish, and I’m Eastern European by heritage. Some of their customs were different than mine, but I was more aware of our similarities rather than our differences.  I wondered how many men she had brought up to Buffalo through the years. I found out later that I was the first, and only one.

Today is December 25, 2018. I write this post from Burnsville, Minnesota, a suburb of Minneapolis.  I arrived here yesterday with Julie and our three children. Running late, we traveled directly to Faith Covenant Church, My sister-in-law and brother-in-law’s home church.  There we met the rest of the family as we celebrated Christmas Eve with a candlelight service.

After church, we returned to their home. We had interesting conversation, good food, and played games.  We caught up on each other’s lives. This morning we opened gifts, ate more, talked more, and played more games. As I write this some of us are reading, some are playing the board game, “Risk,” two are finishing the construction of a Christmas present, two are completing a jigsaw puzzle, I am writing this post. Today I learned that Oregon produces the most Christmas trees, and the dentist elf in the TV special, “Rudolf The Red Nose Reinder,” name is Hermie. Knowledge is power!

I have been traveling to Minnesota for the last 27 years, not only for Christmas but for other events too. I have long lost any anxiety when visiting my wife, Julie’s side of the family. After all of these years, her family is my family. In 1989 I thought that I had completed my one and only trip to Minnesota.  Twenty-nine years later I have been here over 100 times. Dear reader, life is full of surprises.