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Sh*t Happens

In February 2024 this website crashed for no apparent reason. Despite using professionals at GoDaddy.com it was impossible to restore anything after October 2021 (over 100 posts). I do have many of those post in draft form (no final edit or photos) and I have decided to repost them in that manner. I apologize for typos and other errors. How do I feel about losing all of my original work? Life goes on.

I laid in bed feeling sweaty and cold. I could feel the breeze from the ceiling fan above.  I had one leg outside of the blanket and one inside in a feeble attempt to regulate my opposing temperature perceptions.  Julie was asleep, but her foot brushed up against my bare leg.  I turned to my side and pulled her close to me in an effort to gain some comfort from her proximity.  My mind was racing, but on what? My biggest fear was that I wouldn’t get enough sleep to be safe on my long drive in the morning.

I woke up in a haze and sat up in bed in a partial attempt to get moving.  I had taken a shower the night before, but I still needed to brush my teeth and wash my face.  I looked out of the window and realized that I would have to shuffle the cars in our driveway so that Kathryn could get to work. My head felt full of cobwebs, as if I was hung over. 

Now downstairs I grabbed the keys to the Flex and faced a cool breeze as I made a dash to the car.  On autopilot I backed it out of the driveway and onto the street leaving enough room to allow an easy backup of Violet the campervan.  

William was still sleeping.  I knew that he had a ZOOM meeting with his research lab group and that this would slightly delay our departure.  I resisted my urge to make sure that he was up for the meeting.  He was now a senior in college and capable of managing his time.  He no longer needed me to be his alarm clock.

Violet the campervan is permanently packed, but there are always things to do before any camping trip.  I opened the checklist that Will and I had made in my iPhone’s notes app. The list was separated into two groups, foods that we had at home and food that we needed to buy.  I grabbed a cloth bag from the pantry and started to grab listed items.  Hot dogs, condiments, a small repurposed spaghetti sauce jar filled with milk…the gathering went on.

Prior to my retirement I built a little studio set in the corner of our basement complete with lighting and a professional background. Rosecrance asked me to do tele-psychiatry several days a week and I wanted my “office” to look professional for my remote patients.  The set looked decent, but in reality it was cobbled together with stuff that we had lying around the house. In fact, my desk consisted of two folding tables covered with a plastic tablecloth. When I started medicine I never imagined that my set-building abilities would be needed to enhance patient care!  After I retired I expected Julie to ask me to disassemble the set-up, but then COVID happened and the spot went from vacant to highly desirable.  The kids needed a space for their remote college classes, and Julie needed a backdrop for her tele-therapy sessions.

Now William was in our makeshift basement studio finishing up the ZOOM meeting with his lab group.  Soon he was upstairs and ready to go.  We loaded our bags, food, and an extra sleeping bag into Violet and headed off to the Jewel to buy our remaining groceries. Since this trip was going to mostly be a hiking adventure we stocked up on a lot of quick energy junk.  In addition we picked up bacon for our breakfasts, various cold cuts for lunch wraps, and vegetables. We filled Violet’s chest style Dometic fridge to the brim and as far as I could tell we were more than prepared for our short 3 day trip.

However, something was wrong.  I felt it during the night when I couldn’t sleep.  I felt it when I was gathering food in the morning, and now I was feeling it as we left the market.  My intuition was telling me something, but my brain told me that nothing was wrong.  This was Will’s first trip to Devil’s Lake, but I had gone there many times before. I shrugged off my negative feelings and pointed Violet towards I-88.

Our arriving at the campground was uneventful.  The camp office was closed, but our reservation information was in a pamphlet holder next to the door.  I also noted a sheet of paper taped to the inside of the door’s window.  “If you need to contact us after hours, call…..”  My intuition told me to remember the number. I grabbed my iPhone and took a snapshot of it.

Setting up Violet is a breeze, because there is no setup.  Our campsite was broad and deep.  Normally I would pull way into it, but I felt that I needed to stay close to the road.  I backed in and made sure that I was only about 10 feet from it, I can’t say why.

We still had most of the day left and we filled one small backpack with some snacks and a couple bottles of water. I have a little backpack kit that I assembled  that has emergency items like bandaids and a tiny flashlight.  I tossed that into the backpack and we were off on our first adventure, the Tumble Rock trail.

Tumble Rock is an easy trail that is approximately a 3 mile back and forth hike.  Along the way the traveler is treated to giant blocks of quartzite and vistas of Devil’s Lake.  It is a perfect hike to start with.  We finished the hike and investigated the trailhead for the South Ridge trail, which was going to be the hike that we would be taking the next morning. Afterwards we meandered back, stopping at the park’s general store to buy some souvenir T-shirts for the family.  So far it was a perfect day; what was I worrying about?

As we drove out of the park Will spied a sign, “$5 firewood.”  This was much cheaper than what the campground was selling and we had to partake.  Tonight’s dinner menu was going to include hot dogs roasted on an open fire.  I bought two bundles and slipped a 10 spot into a metal box next to the wood.  The rear cargo door felt strange when I opened it, but I didn’t give it much thought.  In went the wood, and we were off.

At the campsite I once again backed in, staying close to the camp road.  For a moment I thought I should do deeper, but my intuition told me to stay close.  I was excited for the rest of the evening.  We would roast hot dogs on a big fire, talk about life, and finished off the evening by watching “Full Metal Jacket” which I had downloaded off of Netflix.  

I went back to Violet’s cargo door and pulled its handle, but the door would not budge.  I clicked the “open” button on her key fob several times to no avail.  Could something be stuck in the door?  

Below Violets bed is a storage area that I call her “garage.”  Tom and I had built a partitioned box below the bed that was the perfect organized place to hold essential items.  The front of the box allowed cabin access for the fridge and food pantry while the back was only accessible via the cargo doors.  In the back I had many camping essentials: our lawn chairs, tools, the wood splitting hatchet, extra water, our newly acquired firewood, and even an awning that I was going to try out for the first time. I crawled onto Violet’s bed platform and took a limited view peek, but I couldn’t see anything stuck in the door.  I tried a few different maneuvers, but the door remained stuck. Something was clearly wrong with the door, but what could it possibly be?  I searched Google.  Apparently Ram Promasters have a known issue where a cable dislodges in the cargo door making it inoperable.  I found the little access hatch where the cable was located and pried it open.  It was in an extremely awkward position and could barely get my fingers into it.  I saw the cable and it looked disconnected, but I couldn’t reach it and all of my tools were locked behind the cargo door.  In most crises I try to pause for a moment to catch my breath and think.  “It is unlikely that I will be able to get this door open and so I can’t access the garage.  What should I do?  We have bedding, clothes, and food in Violet’s cabin. I can make the hotdogs on her induction cooktop.  We don’t need all of our hiking supplies.  We can use the picnic table instead of our lawn chairs.”  And so my thinking went.  “Will, we don’t need the stuff in the garage, let’s make the most of what we have and continue our adventure,” I said with confidence.  However, this was only our first challenge.

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Bluetti

In February 2024 this website crashed for no apparent reason. Despite using professionals at GoDaddy.com it was impossible to restore anything after October 2021 (over 100 posts). I do have many of those post in draft form (no final edit or photos) and I have decided to repost them in that manner. I apologize for typos and other errors. How do I feel about losing all of my original work? Life goes on.

If you are a vandweller or adventurer, you know that there are a few things that you must have, and one of the most important is a source of power to run and charge your electronic devices. Many vandwellers have 12-volt fridges, fans, and lighting systems. All have devices that need to be charged.  

If your needs are simple, there are many small battery banks that will do the job. However, if you desire creature comforts, like a fridge, you will need a bigger battery system as well as a way to top off your battery. If your travels take you away from traditional campgrounds, your recharging system will most likely consist of solar panels.

In 2018 I purchased a new Ram Promaster and had a basic camper conversion done at Wayfarer Vans in Colorado Springs. This conversion gave me a functional camper, but I have spent the last four years adding and subtracting to its build, refining the design to fit my needs.

At the start of my van journey, I knew that I wanted a fridge, and I also knew that I would be doing a lot of boondocking. In 2018 most vandwellers who needed power cobbled together their own systems using AGM batteries, solar controllers, converters, inverters, and solar panels. I didn’t want this hassle, and there seemed to be a new option on the block, the solar generator.

Now common, these devices were fairly novel in 2018. However, the concept seemed perfect for me as everything needed for a full electrical system was available in a simple plug-and-play box. The big player in the 2018 market was Goal Zero, a Utah-based company that built quality products.  

My initial setup consisted of a Goal Zero 1250 Solar Generator (100 AH battery) and 300 watts of Renogy solar panels mounted on my campervan’s roof. I modified an existing storage bin in my van (A boot box) to become her power center. The Goal Zero did the job, but it had some significant drawbacks. Its 12-volt receptacle was not regulated, so I was always afraid that its voltage would drop and my fridge would turn off (this never happened in the two years that I used the unit). It used an AGM battery which was both enormously heavy and had a power usage limit of a maximum 50% percent draw, so its usable capacity was 50 AH, not 100 AH. In addition, AGM batteries have a limited number of recharge cycles. Lastly, charge time using any source was fairly slow for the Goal Zero.

I increased my battery capacity by daisy-chaining two more 100 AH AGM batteries giving me a usable capacity of 150 AH (50% of 300 AH), and I started to expand my electrical use. With this system, I could run a tiny microwave and use an induction burner at medium or lower power. I love the idea of free energy, and so my power needs expanded further by adding a Webasto heater (which uses power to run its fan) to the mix. 

With my Goal Zero system, I was able to get by, but I always had to be very mindful of exactly what I was doing. Worse was the weight of the system. The Goal Zero was so heavy that I needed help to lift it out of the battery box, and with two additional and very heavy AGM batteries jammed into the box, it was impossible to do any troubleshooting when I was solo and away from home. The answer to these problems came with Bluettii’s Indiegogo campaign for the AC200. I can’t remember the exact cost of the unit, but it was very reasonable at the time. I bought one, replaced the Goal Zero, and I haven’t looked back. I have had the AC200 since 2020, and I feel that I can give a fairly balanced review. Please note that the AC200 has been replaced by the AC200P, which is similar to my unit, but the battery was changed from Li to LifePO4 and increased in capacity from 1700 AH to 2000 AH.  

Pros of the Bluettii

-Quality build.

-Significantly lighter (around 60 pounds) compared to my old Goal Zero. I can easily lift it.

-Lithium batteries can be discharged to 10%, so my available power is the same as my previous three battery super-heavy system.

-The unit can use up to 700 watts of solar for faster charging. I increased my roof solar to 400 watts, which is the max that I can fit on the van’s roof.

-The AC brick charges significantly faster than my Goal Zero unit. At approximately 500 watts/hour.

-You can buy an additional charger and double your charge rate to around 1000 watts/hour.

-You can fully charge your unit in 3 to 3.5 hours. In real terms, charging to 100% is faster than that, as I never bring my battery down to 10%. 

-The 12-volt power supply is regulated, so I always have the correct voltage for my fridge and any other voltage-sensitive devices (like my Webasto heater).

-The unit has a 2000-watt pure sine wave inverter. I can run my induction burner at its full power without worry. Naturally, excessive use will quickly drain my battery.

-Induction charging pads are available on the top of the unit for phone charging (sadly, they don’t seem to work with my particular iPhone). 

-A 60-watt USB C port is available for charging small laptops or iPads.

-The display panel provides tons of information for the geek in me.

-The availability of a powerful inverter has opened up the world of free energy. I not only use an induction cooktop and microwave, but I also have a little Keurig-type coffee maker and even a small electric pressure cooker.  

Cons of the Bluetti

-The display is always on; you can’t turn it off. If you are light-sensitive, this could be a problem at night. Naturally, you can cover the display with something like an index card to darken it.

-The unit requires a higher voltage from solar instead of the 12 volts required by other units. I had to rewire my solar panels in series from parallel to give me around 48 volts of output. In itself, this isn’t a big deal. However, I carry some smaller battery banks that I can’t charge with my solar array because they require 12 volts. 

-My biggest concern with the Bluettii is phantom power loss. The unit has to be on to accept solar charging. In fact, if solar is plugged into the unit, it will switch itself on. If the unit is on with no load (both DC and AC power turned off), it will drop (on average) from 100% charge to about 90% in 24 hours. This is a very significant draw. If my battery charge is lower, the percentage drop is even greater. I have read about this phantom loss concern in Bluettii’s forum, so I know that it isn’t specific to my unit. I have also contacted Bluettii about it. The only option given was to turn off the unit, which is not always practical.  

If I’m running my fridge, I not only have to deal with the power usage from the fridge but also an additional 10%+ reduction from other sources. Those sources include the phantom loss and any overhead loss incurred by the unit’s voltage regulation circuitry.  

If the unit is completely turned off, it continues to lose power, but at a much slower rate. This is in contrast to other solar generators that I have used that will maintain a 100% charge for months when off. 

I can easily recoup the phantom loss if I have full sun exposure. In addition, I have a 2KW inverter connected to my car battery. If I am driving, I’ll switch the inverter on, which connects to the Bluettii’s AC brick allowing me to charge from both solar and AC.   

However, there have been times when this power loss has been an issue. I was recently camping for a weekend in a partially shaded area. I was stationary for the entire weekend. I was very conservative with my power use and only ran my Dometic fridge plus very light usage of my house lights. In addition, I used a 650-watt microwave (950-watt input) once for about 3 minutes during the entire weekend. I used a small battery bank to charge my phone (more convenient). I idled the car for about 25 minutes once during the weekend to power my car’s inverter to charge my Bluettii.  

Total time off-grid was from Friday at around 4 PM to Sunday around 11 AM. By Sunday, my battery was at 50%. This battery usage was acceptable but a bit troubling. If I was going to stay at that site any longer, I would have had to have moved the van into the direct sun (options were limited), or I would have had to go for a drive to charge the Bluettii via my car’s inverter.  

I hope that this phantom power loss has been eliminated in newer units. Ten percent is 170 watts of lost power. The lower the battery, the greater the percentage loss. For instance, at 50% capacity, I have 850 WH. A 170-watt loss is now 20% of my total capacity. This phantom loss was not present in my Goal Zero or smaller units (like my Jackery 500) that I use, so it is unclear why this is happening with my Bluettii unit.

Conclusion

There are so many things that I like about my Bluettii AC200. However, the phantom power loss is a concern; I have found workarounds for it. My favorite features (compared to my old Goal Zero 1250 system) are its lighter weight, smaller overall footprint, fast charging, and 2000-watt pure sine wave inverter.  

The Bluetti is competitively priced for a brand-named unit. However, there are now a number of no-name brands that are more reasonable. With that said, buying a no-name brand can be a bit of a crap shoot. I saw a review where a unit could not be turned off of eco-mode. It would turn off if it didn’t constantly have a draw on it. This could be a real problem using an intermittent draw device like a fridge. I watched another review of a different unit that didn’t allow for pass-through charging. In addition, no-name units often have very poor product support.  

If you are looking for a solar generator to complement your car or van setup, it is very reasonable to consider Bluetti. Mine has served me well since 2020.

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My Private Place

In February 2024 this website crashed for no apparent reason. Despite using professionals at GoDaddy.com it was impossible to restore anything after October 2021 (over 100 posts). I do have many of those post in draft form (no final edit or photos) and I have decided to repost them in that manner. I apologize for typos and other errors. How do I feel about losing all of my original work? Life goes on.

I believe that we all have interests and activities that are inherently natural for us as individuals. The physical exercise that best resonates with me is walking. I started walking several years ago, and it is something that I not only enjoy but also that I look forward to. However, if I don’t walk for several days, my formerly easy treks become tiring. I’m not too fond of that feeling. Insufferably hot days have challenged me; I typically walk during the late morning or early afternoon. Naturally, these are the highest temperature times for such escapades.

I checked my iPhone’s weather app and confirmed what I already knew. Today’s high temperature would be around 100F. Another sweltering day, it was time for a change of plans.

I’m a comfortable stroller. I love to listen to the sounds around me, smell the smells, and ambulate at a rate where it is easy to think, meditate, and say hello to those who cross my path.  

Lately, I have developed a habit of spending my early mornings writing, reading, and doing mundane tasks, like checking my email. However, today was a time to mix things up. After I woke up and cleaned up, I immediately got dressed. I had gotten some new trail runners for Father’s Day to replace my worn-out Asics hikers. So I slipped them on and went out the door. The temperature would be rising soon; it was time to move.

The air was warm and welcoming. Perhaps the humidity was too high, but a light breeze compensated for the increased moisture. The weather felt perfect.

I made my way to The Riverwalk and onto its paths. I was utterly alone. Perhaps the specter of the repressive weather report kept people away, or maybe it was the early weekday hour. I celebrated the scheduling freedom of my retirement as I put one foot in front of the other. I inhaled the sweet smells of flowers mixed with the green aroma of grass. Both tickled my nose and triggered camping memories. Birds chirped, and leaves rustled. Otherwise, all was quiet. Even the sounds of my footfalls were dampened by the thick rubber soles of my new Salomons. My steady pace continued. 

I love walking on The Riverwalk. Dirt paths, brick paths, grassy fields, and covered bridges. My times there feel like I am at a vacation destination, but today was special. I was walking in my private estate. I became lost in my thoughts yet acutely aware of my surroundings. The playground was empty; the beach was quiet. My walk continued over a covered bridge to the south side of the path. No one was at the paddle boat pond; the park benches were vacant. My walk continued. Peace washed over me.

Soon my loop was almost completed. I sat on a quiet bench to appreciate the beauty of my surroundings. Then up, then walking, I continued. I exited Jefferson Avenue to find that the city was waking up. A few cars whizzed by me, and ahead was a man ambulating in my direction. My space, private no more; it had been mine for a few privileged moments—a period of exclusive beauty. A gift of nature was given to me because of a change in plans—a change with delightful consequences.

Do you ever get surprised when a simple change in your life gives you an unexpected benefit? I celebrate such discoveries. I choose to look at an obstacle as an opportunity. Life is often what we make of it. Having to change plans isn’t always negative; our attitude and acceptance can be the secret sauce to happiness.  

Peace.

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A Simple Van Life

In February 2024 this website crashed for no apparent reason. Despite using professionals at GoDaddy.com it was impossible to restore anything after October 2021 (over 100 posts). I do have many of those post in draft form (no final edit or photos) and I have decided to repost them in that manner. I apologize for typos and other errors. How do I feel about losing all of my original work? Life goes on.

Have you ever done something you thought would be a good idea but were uncertain about, and in the end, it turned out to be a great idea? Such is the case with the creation of Violet the campervan. Many of you know that in 2018 I converted a Ram Promaster high-top van into a camper. I had a basic conversion done via Wayfarer Vans in Colorado Springs, and I have been adding to the build ever since.  

There is nothing quite like having a house on wheels. Yes, standard RVs may offer some additional amenities, but their bulky size and price make them less than ideal for my purposes. My little van is spacious enough to live in, yet it fits nicely into a standard parking slot.  

I’m always desperate to travel out West, but gas prices have kept me local this year. However, this has turned out to be a plus as it has forced me to explore the wonders of the Midwest. Last month I took separate trips to Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin, and most recently, Minnesota.

Julie’s parents are aging, and we want to visit them more often. However, we don’t want to burden them by staying at their place. In addition, her job can be stressful, so combining a visit with a mini-vacation seemed like a great idea.

She is our trip planner and tasked herself with finding a campground and some activities. Although I like to boondock when I solo travel, I usually stay at a campground when I travel with her as I want the experience to be as pleasant as possible. The nicer the amenities, the more likely she will come along on my next adventure.

Although she takes on the travel itinerary, I assume the rest of the preparation jobs, so the week before our trip involved many tasks. For example, washing the outside of the van, cleaning its inside, stocking the pantry, buying special foods she likes, planning meals, etc. All of this is time-consuming, but I have plenty of time.  

This trip took us to Taylors Falls, Minnesota, and the Wildwood Campground. Campground hosts and campers are typically amiable, and this place was no exception. We were welcomed to the campground and quickly dispatched to our site. One of the luxuries of camping at an actual campground is the facility. No cat hole digging or sponge baths are needed! Taking a shower at home seems routine, but having a real shower when camping feels like a bonafide luxury. 

Yes, we try to do some fun activities when we camp, but daily activities are also filled with joy. Everything takes longer when camping. Hygiene activities take planning. When the evening cools down, extra time is required to build a fire. Even cooking a meal is more involved than when at home. It may take longer to cut vegetables using my trusty Buck knife, but it does the job. I think food tastes better when you put just a little more effort into its preparation, and eating is more enjoyable when it isn’t a dine-and-dash experience.

On this trip, we kayaked down the scenic St. Croix river one day and toured several quaint towns on another. Naturally, we also spent a day visiting Julie’s parents. They are in their 90s, and I was concerned about over-taxing them. We planned to bring them lunch and then walk to give them a little post-meal break. We would return for a short visit and leave before we overstayed. However, to my surprise, they wanted us to stay longer, which we were delighted to do. I lost my parents many decades ago, so it is especially nice to have a close relationship with Julie’s parents. They have always been gracious and welcoming to me, which has been much appreciated.

If you separate our activities over the last four days, many would seem mundane. However, they add up to a lovely mini-trip when you explore them in total. Julie gained some needed R-and-R and I got an extra shot of adventure.

See the photos below for some details in photos.  

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Solar Generators

In February 2024 this website crashed for no apparent reason. Despite using professionals at GoDaddy.com it was impossible to restore anything after October 2021 (over 100 posts). I do have many of those post in draft form (no final edit or photos) and I have decided to repost them in that manner. I apologize for typos and other errors. How do I feel about losing all of my original work? Life goes on.

When I built Violet the Campervan in 2018 I knew that I needed an external source for power. At that time the choices were between building your own system or buying an expensive all-in-one solar generator. I chose the latter option, but I have been upgrading and modifying my system ever since. I have used a variety of brands and capacities, and so I thought I would share my knowledge with those who may be considering their first home-on-wheels.

Why do you need a power source that is separate from your car’s battery system?

If you plan on spending any time living in a vehicle you won’t want to tax your car’s system for your charging and powering needs as this could result in a dead starter battery.  

A cell phone is now a necessity, and there are a multitude of other van items that consume power ranging from vent fans to 12-volt refrigerators. How much power you require will depend on your personal needs. If all that you are doing is charging your cell phone and headlamp, you don’t need much charging capacity. However, van dwelling additions like a 12-volt fridge and a roof vent fan will require a more robust system. Lastly, if you make your living while on the road you may need to charge laptops, drones, and camera batteries. Your house battery system should take into account what you need to run, what you need to charge, and how you plan to replenish your house battery when it is depleted..  

If your goal is to keep a cell phone charged for a week or less you can likely get by with a simple battery bank. These small bricks come in a variety of capacities and are reasonable in price. However, if you have greater needs you are probably going to need a power station, also known as a solar generator. These units combine the ability to recharge from the car’s 12-volt system, AC power, or solar panels. In addition, they provide a variety of 12-volt and 5-volt (USB) outlets as well as at least one AC outlet. The rest of this post will be about these devices.

Capacity

Solar generators come in a variety of battery capacities. The greater the capacity the larger, heavier, and more costly the unit. Early solar generators used lead acid AGM storage batteries that had limited capacity and were very heavy. Their one advantage was that they could charge under very cold conditions.  

Newer solar generators use lithium batteries which are more efficient and lighter. Lithium batteries are constructed using a variety of chemistries. Usually, if the manufacturer says that a battery is a Li-ion variety, then it is the type of battery that is used in products ranging from cell phones to electric cars. In rare cases, these batteries can catch on fire (especially if they are poorly designed). However, in most cases, this is not an issue. Another lithium battery chemistry is called LiPO4. These batteries are theoretically safer and can be recharged more times than traditional Li-ion batteries. However, they are bigger and heavier than Li-ion batteries, which can make a high-capacity unit big, heavy, and bulky. 

A quality solar generator will have a good BMS (battery management system) that monitors and controls the health of the battery. For instance, a good BMS will prevent charging during freezing temperatures as doing so can permanently damage a lithium-type battery.

Recharge cycles

All batteries degrade a bit every time they are discharged and then recharged. Most manufacturers list how many discharge and charge cycles a battery can have before its overall capacity is reduced to 80%. Some units will be in the low 300-500 cycle range, while others can be recharged several thousand times before their capacity is reduced to 80%. If you are on a limited or fixed budget it makes sense to go with the battery system that allows for the most recharges. However, batteries are getting cheaper while growing in both capacity and technology. A battery with 1000 or more cycles will probably last the average user 4-5 or more years at which time they will likely want to upgrade to newer technology. In addition, if you are a weekend warrior a battery with a more limited 300-500 cycles will still last you many years.  

If you partially discharge your batteries before recharging them they will last longer. Remember, a battery will still have 80% capacity even after it reaches its cycle limit. Think of your cell phone which uses a lithium battery. As time goes on it holds its charge is less and less but, it is likely that you still use it. Eventually, its capacity becomes so low that you are forced to replace either the phone or its battery. It is the same with a solar generator. 

Regulated 12-volt power 

This feature means that the unit has special circuitry that keeps the 12-volt output constant, which can be important for some devices that won’t operate if the voltage drops too low. Old AGM batteries showed significant voltage drops over the normal course of their discharge cycle. Newer lithium batteries also drop, but that drop can be less precipitous.  

It is great to have a constant voltage from your 12-volt outlet, but that consistency comes at a price. The electronic circuitry that maintains the voltage does so at the expense of some additional power use. In other words, the solar generator consumes some power to regulate power. Many larger units use circuitry to regulate their 12-volt outlets. 

As an aside, when your car is running its 12-volt outlet is putting out over 13 volts so most regulated 12-volt outlets on solar generators regulate their 12-volt outlets between 13.2 and 13.6 volts, not 12-volts. 

12-volt outlet types

Almost all solar generators will have a cigarette lighter style 12-volt outlet. Many will have additional 12-volt outlets in a variety of types that range from barrel plugs to aviator-type connectors. I like units that have these outlet options as I find that a traditional 12-volt cigarette-type plug can jiggle loose when traveling on bumpy roads. This can be a problem if you are powering devices like a 12-volt fridge. The more secure the outlet the better.

Converters

The batteries in a power bank may be 12-volts, 24-volts, or possibly some other voltage. Most units have 12-volt DC as well as USB outlets on them. A USB outlet’s output is 5 volts. Solar generators use converter circuitry to change from one DC voltage to another. Converters use a small amount of power to make this adjustment.

Inverters

All solar generators have circuitry (an inverter) to convert DC power into the AC (Alternating Current) power that many household appliances use. In most cases, the inverters are of the pure sine wave variety. These inverters closely replicate the type of power that comes from a home AC outlet, and this pure power may be necessary for sensitive electronic devices like a CPAP machine. I have only seen one off-brand solar generator that used a modified sine wave inverter. Modified sine wave inverters produce an approximation of regular AC power and should be avoided if possible. Most inverters provide the standard 120 volts of power, but some may cheat the system a bit by only generating 110 volts. This lower voltage often works well enough for most things. Inverters use 10-20% (depending on their efficiency) more power than what is being used during the conversion from DC to AC. If the power used by an appliance is 100 watts the total draw on the battery will be between 110 and 120 watts depending on the inverter’s design.

Inverters are rated by their operating and surge outputs. Some units can be as low as 125 watts AC output, while others may have outputs that exceed 2000 watts. When some devices (especially those with motors) start-up they momentarily require a surge of power. Because of this nverters will also list the amount of surge that they can momentarily handle. For instance, an inverter may say that it has a 500-watt continuous output with a 1000-watt surge capacity. Capacity is not the same thing as use. For instance, a 100-watt appliance will only draw a bit over 100 watts (considering operating overhead) whether the inverter’s capacity is 200 watts or 2000 watts. However, large inverters may be a bit less efficient due to their larger components and complexity. 

All appliances list the maximum input of power that they use. This will be on a label that is typically on the bottom or back of the appliance. It is a good idea to exceed the requirements of an appliance. For instance, if an appliance uses 800 watts try to get an inverter that can sustain 1000 watts.   

USB outlets

In the recent past, all you needed was a standard USB type A outlet, as all USB devices using them. Now there are power ports that deliver enough power to charge a laptop and quick charge ports that allow faster charging of small items like cell phones. Some solar generators will just have USB type A sockets while others will have both A and C styles. Lastly, some units will provide a wireless charging station on the top of their case.  

There are ways to compensate for a lack of a specific port on a given unit. For instance, you can always use your laptop’s power brick and the AC outlet on the solar generator if you don’t have a 60 or 100-watt USB outlet on your unit. However, you will lose some battery efficiency in the process. In addition, you can buy little adapters that will convert a type A USB outlet to a type C USB outlet and vice versa. However, it is always best to power or recharge something in the simplest way possible.   

Displays

All units have displays to give you information about the status of your solar generator. All will indicate (in some way) how much charge you have left on the battery, and most will give you information on how much power is coming into the unit and how much is going out. Additional information like hours to discharge may also be listed.

Additional features

Some units will offer an Eco-mode that will power down the unit if it is left on but its not being used. Turn this feature off if you are using your unit to run a fridge as its power use is intermittent which could result in the solar generator turning off power to it.  

Some units have a feature called power boost that allows you to run higher wattage devices than the AC inverter’s limit by lowering the AC voltage. Using this feature can be tricky as this brown out power may damage electronic circuits and motors due to overheating. However, it could be useful when powering simple appliances like an old fashion hotplate. 

Some units will work in tangent with an App allowing you to monitor and control your device from your phone. This can be a nice, but non-critical addition.

Lastly, some very expensive units are modular allowing you to add additional battery capacity. At this time if you have very great power needs for your camper it is cheaper to build a traditional electrical system rather than buying a modular unit.  This will likely change in the future.

Pass through charging

When most units are plugged into an AC outlet they will preferentially take their power from AC and not the unit’s battery. At the same time, they will charge the battery.

Charging

Ways to charge

Most, if not all, units will allow you to charge your batteries three ways (car’s 12-volt cigarette outlet, solar panels, AC/Mains power). Many units will allow you to simultaneously charge your unit using several sources at once, for instance, solar and your car’s 12-volt outlet. 

More on charging

It is critical to be able to quickly recharge your unit. If you are depending on your solar generator to keep your 12-volt refrigerator running you don’t want to wait 12 hours to recharge the unit. Older and cheaper solar generators can take a very long time to recharge from any source. This is OK if you charge at home and then use a unit on a trip without a need to recharge the unit. It is also OK if your power needs are fairly low. Otherwise, it is worth it to get a fast charging unit. Let’s look at some common ways to recharge. 

12-volt cigarette outlet charging

The 12-volt outlet on your car’s maximum output is about 120 watts of power, but most solar generators will accept less than that to make sure that they don’t overtax the car’s electrical system. Depending solely on the cigarette outlet is feasible only in situations when you need to replace a small amount of power. Naturally, using your car’s system to recharge your solar generator should be done with the engine running.  

In many cases, it makes more sense to recharge specific devices rather than a solar generator using the car’s 12-volt system. I tend to charge small gadgets like my cell phone, earbuds, or headlamp via the car’s system when driving. Remember, you can buy a 12-volt cigarette to a 5-volt USB converter if your car doesn’t have a built-in USB outlet. 

Solar charging

Many small units quickly charge with a 12-volt, 80-100 watt solar panel. Larger units can accept higher wattage solar panels which will allow for quicker charging. Some large units need solar panels that produce a higher voltage (beyond 12 volts) to charge. 

It is important to check the maximum wattage that a solar generator will accept from solar, as well as the voltage required. Some units will accept more watts than specified, but will still limit the charging rate. Older Jackery units could be over-paneled (you could connect several hundred watts of solar power) but they would limit the actual charging rate to around 65 watts via solar. 

There is a welcomed trend in better units to accept more watts from solar. However, some of these larger units require higher voltages to recharge properly. You can accomplish this by running several 12-volt panels in series. For example, two 12-volt panels in parallel will output at 12-volts, but when connected in series they will output 24 volts.  

If you are a van dweller or traveler you will have limitations on how many solar panels you can carry. I use 4, 12 -volt 100-watt solar panels connected in series giving me an output of 400 watts at 48 volts. Note that this is a theoretical output as no solar panel is 100 percent efficient. I have my panels flat on my van’s roof. My panels would be more efficient if I could aim them at the sun at all times. However, I like the convenience of having my system passive and always charging, even if it is suboptimal.

I’m limited by my roof’s area, as I can only mount so many panels on it. However, portable panels also are limited. Your solar generator may accept 1000 watts of solar, but you are not going to want to carry and set up 1000 watts of solar panels.  

The bottom line is that it is best to get a solar generator that generously allows for solar charging. However, you may not be able to fully utilize this feature based on your particular solar panel array.

AC/Mains charging

All units will come with either a charging brick or an internal charger. Some newer units have much more powerful chargers than older units (always check specifications) and this can dramatically decrease charging time, which is useful if you need to recharge on the go. As a gross approximation, a 200-watt (output) adapter will recharge a 1000-watt battery from zero in about 5 hours (1000/200 = 5 hours), whereas a 400-watt unit will do the same job in 2.5 hours (1000/400  = 2.5 hours). This is an oversimplification as units charge slower as they reach full capacity. However, the more powerful the AC charger the better. Some units will allow you to buy a second charger that you can connect to the unit to double your charging speed when connected to AC. If you are charging at home for a weekend trip it doesn’t make much difference how quickly you can charge. However, it can be a big deal on the road. A small unit that can quickly charge is a plus if you are recharging at coffee shops or libraries. Additionally, a big unit that you can quickly charge is plus if you have high power needs. 

Also, I use a separate free-standing AC inverter directly connected to my car battery. When I’m driving I recharge my solar generator via the solar panels on my roof as well as by the unit’s AC adapter connected to that inverter. The inverter set-up also assists when there is a string of cloudy days. I can go for a drive or run my engine for a bit to top off my solar generator’s battery.  

MPPT vs. PWM controllers

When you connect a solar panel to a battery you need a solar controller. This device properly controls the charge from your panels so that you don’t damage your system. There are two types of controllers that are built into solar generators, MPPT and PWM. PWM controllers are simpler (and cheaper) and are used in less expensive units. MPPT controllers are more complicated (and more expensive) than PWM controllers. However, they are more efficient in adverse conditions. An MPPT controller will do a more efficient charging job on cloudy days or if your panels are partially shaded.

Built-in flashlight

Many units will have some sort of light built into the unit. This sounds like a silly feature, but it can be surprisingly useful, especially on smaller units that you may move around.

How much power do you need?

Generally, more is better, but more is also more expensive. Determine your use needs. You can add up the watts or amps needed. Watts and amps are related and interdependent based on the following formula: 

amps x volts = watts. 

A milliamp is 1/1000 of an amp.

Let’s say that all you need to charge is your cell phone which has a 5000 milliamp battery. If you had a simple 10,000 milliamp power bank you should be able to recharge it (approximately) 2 times. 

Many devices will list watts used instead of amps or milliamps. If your LED cabin lights use 10 watts and your solar generator is rated at 500 watts you can expect that you can run the lights for around 50 hours.

Please note that the above are approximations. No system is 100% efficient and all battery systems reserve some of their power to preserve the longevity of the battery.

Let’s look at some battery options and what they are suitable for.

Battery bank

These small and inexpensive units typically have USB outlets and come in a variety of capacities. They are recharged via a power brick that the owner provides. They may be all that you need if you are only recharging small devices like your phone. You can also buy small, inexpensive small solar panels in the 10-25 watt range specifically designed to charge USB devices like battery banks. Additionally, you can extend the battery time of your phone by turning off options like WiFi and Bluetooth if they are not needed.

100-400 watt solar generators

These are very versatile units that are also relatively inexpensive. Cheaper units likely will not feature an MPPT solar controller or a regulated 12-volt power supply. Depending on their size they can provide many recharges of electronic devices, and also operate other things, like cabin lights, and USB fans. They are generally small and lightweight and are easy to carry from home to van, or van to a picnic table. I often use one of these to recharge my small electronics and to power gadgets, like a 12-volt TV that I sometimes carry. Because they are small they can easily be charged by a portable solar panel. Portable solar panels are great because you can angle and position them towards the sun. However, you have to remember to set them up, and you probably should not leave them unattended as they carry enough value to make them targets for theft. 

500-1000 watt solar generators

These units can do all of the above, but they can do much more. In some cases, they may be enough to run a 12-volt fridge, and they have enough power to maintain bigger items like a laptop. If you are using many items on the road you may want a unit in this range. Many of these units feature the more efficient MPPT solar controller, have a regulated 12-volt power supply, and can accept a greater charge for faster recharging. Their AC inverters are usually in the 500-1000 watt range. However, always check a unit’s specifications.  

Solar generators greater than 1000 watts

There are now some units that have 1500 watt-2000 watt (and beyond) capacities. These units can be heavy and expensive, but also very useful. Many of these units have very fast AC chargers and can accept high wattage from solar. Their AC inverters range from 1000-2000 watts (sometimes more), which opens up the ability to use many household appliances.  

I use a large power station (solar generator) to run a Webasto heater and a Dometic 12-volt fridge. I routinely use small electrics like an induction burner, coffee pot, microwave, and even a 3-quart electric pressure cooker. Be aware that I purchased these small electrics with an eye to how much wattage they use. For instance, my microwave’s output is only 650 watts and uses 950 watts of input power. My system can handle that load, but I only use the microwave for short amounts of time, in the 5-10 minute/day range (80-160 watts used). My coffee pot uses 600 watts of power and it takes less than 5 minutes to brew one K-cup of coffee (only 30 watts of power used). Using a small electric with a house battery is only feasible in short bursts and when I am in a situation where I can replenish my battery easily (access to shore power or on driving days or sunny days).

When using my 1700 watt/hr solar generator and 400 watts of solar on my roof I have never run out of power. However, I’m very careful to monitor my battery. If I’m facing cloudy days I go into conservation mode when I reach around 60% battery capacity. At that time I’ll switch to my butane stove for my cooking and coffee needs, and do other things to conserve power so my battery is available for my fridge.  

What brand to buy?

Well-known brands include Goal Zero, Jackery, Ecoflow, and Bluetti. I guess that many off-brands are made in the same Chinese factories. Generally, check the unit’s specification for all basic parameters including the amount of solar accepted, power of the AC inverter and charger, and life cycle for the batteries.. 

I hope that this has answered some of your solar generator questions. Happy camping and happy van life!

Mike

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The Happiness Experiment

In February 2024 this website crashed for no apparent reason. Despite using professionals at GoDaddy.com it was impossible to restore anything after October 2021 (over 100 posts). I do have many of those post in draft form (no final edit or photos) and I have decided to repost them in that manner. I apologize for typos and other errors. How do I feel about losing all of my original work? Life goes on.

What makes you happy? Some may say going on a nice vacation; others may cite a wanted job promotion; still others may note buying a possession, like a new car. My point is that identifying things that people believe makes them happy is quite variable. I would also assert that the above things probably don’t make most people happy, at least not in the long term. However, suppose you distill the essence of the positive feelings from the above. In that case, you will discover that what you are dealing with is more generalized and global and represents new experiences, a sense of self-worth, and a feeling of pride.

The above essential feeling can be distilled further as things that make some individuals happy; happiness is one of the most basic emotions that most people seek. But what is happiness, or more definitively, what makes most people happy?

This is a nuanced question that can be answered in many different ways depending on one’s philosophy, religious convictions, or psychological knowledge. No one set of answers is complete; however, having some construct can point us in a helpful direction. I will adopt the Hindu concept of what makes people happy for today’s post. My efforts are to get the reader to think in more abstract terms rather than focusing on specific definitions. Additionally, remember that both advertisers and society use the promise of happiness as a way to get you to buy and do things. That is the psychology of manipulation, not the road to sustainable happiness.

Let’s look at what the Hindus say using a three-point explanation.

  1. Positive emotion. This defines a feeling of happiness or ecstasy, and it is often what others use to manipulate us to do things. The examples that I listed above are quick ways to feel positive emotions. When I turned 50, I wanted to do something special to commemorate all the hard work I had done to reach a level of success. What did I do? I bought a Mercedes Benz, which I felt was a successful doctor’s car. I recall driving out of the dealership full of pride. I imagined everyone looking at me as I sped down the highway. I was happy, but that initial euphoria lasted only about a week, and then the Mercedes was just a box on wheels. After owning it for several years, it became a burden mechanically; it wasn’t sound. Any repair was double to triple the cost of the same work done on a less status-oriented automobile. We are conditioned to believe that stuff will make us happy, but stuff often does the opposite. The adage that possessions possess is true. Possessions demand our attention, stress us financially, and require our maintenance. The minimalist movement has become the counterforce to social manipulation, but it may not be for all. I like possessions, but I know they are not a means to an end. My Mercedes did nothing to promote long-term happiness, but having a reliable vehicle does impact my happiness quotient. Things can add to my overall sense of happiness, but it is essential for me to determine my true need and avoid artificial happiness solutions of others.

There are several ways to promote a sense of positive emotion. A straightforward method is to write down a daily gratitude list. Take a few moments daily to recall five things you are grateful for. Don’t just state them but contemplate them and imagine yourself being happy because of them. Another positive emotion technique is to avoid negative energy. Stop watching cable news stations that constantly promote disharmony and encourage stress. Hang with positive people and avoid the Eeyores, drama queens, and put-down artists. Remember, if you are around poo, you will start to smell like poo. Surround yourself with people who promote you, not those who demote you. Be with people who inspire you instead of those who conspire to reduce you to their level. Avoid the gossipers and embrace the non-judgemental.

2.  Engagement. This is about being in the flow. How many people go through the motions of living and resent the things they need to do? There is happiness in many, if not most, things if you look for it. When Julie returned to the paid workforce she no longer had the time or energy to prepare daily dinners, and the jobs of shopping and meal preparation fell on me. I know that she will be reading this, and I would like to emphasize that she continues to do grocery shopping and meal preparation, but statistically, I now do more of these tasks. Faced with these new responsibilities, I was given a choice. I could be resentful, or I could find another way. I choose the latter by employing a few simple modifications. I could cook foods I enjoyed since I was now in charge of the menu. I could also involve my kids, which served a multitude of benefits. Initially, involving them would mean more work for me, but I would get to spend time with them. I could teach them how to cook, and teaching others gives me pleasure. Both successes and failures would be grist for the mill. To accomplish these goals, I needed to be present in my endeavors.  By staying engaged meal prep has become a cherished activity in our family, and my kids will often say it is one of their favorite parts of the day. Naturally, I feel similarly.

  1. Meaning. Meaning is abstract, but it is probably the most essential happiness characteristic. Meaning has less to do with what others think about you and more about what you think about others and the world around you. As a medical doctor, I led a privileged life. I was Dr. Kuna, and that title gave me status and recognition. I am not knocking this perk, but it didn’t lead to me being happy. However, making a positive change in the lives of others did. When a patient would tell me that a suggestion I made changed their life, I was catapulted into a happiness high. When someone came to me after having a disappointing experience with another doctor, and I was able to develop a medication treatment that improved their symptoms, I was filled with happiness. However, you don’t have to be a doctor to have meaning. Meaning comes in many forms, and none is more important than another. If I am present for my family and friends, my life has meaning. If I have a spiritual connection to something greater than myself, my life has meaning. If I use any knowledge to help another person, my life has meaning, and if I demonstrate consideration and respect to others, my life has meaning. Relationships give my life meaning. Every life has meaning, and all we need to do is actively do those things that emphasize the positive aspects of who we are, what we do, and how we act.

The Blackwell example

If you have read my previous blogs, you know that there are some specific things that give me joy. When I retired, and with the help of a friend, I built out a cargo van to become Violet the campervan. I love my little house on wheels as it represents so many things that give me happiness. I am happiest in nature, and Violet can transport me there. I love the minimalist simplicity of living out of a camper. I enjoy problem-solving and adapting with limited tools and options. I like to experiment with new gear. Camping with those whom I love brings me closer to them. Being in nature brings me closer to my Higher Power. Building out Violet stretched my thinking and creative side as I needed to learn how to do new things like building out a solar-powered electrical system. Those efforts continue as I improve on Violet’s design, now that we are four years into our “relationship.”  

I love traveling out West and embracing nature. However, I have had to face the reality of the pandemic and then the trauma of inflation and escalating gas prices. Driving several thousand miles in a vehicle that gets 13-16 MPG has become impractical. This reality would make it easy to sulk and feel sorry for myself. However, I like to be happy, and I believe that the elements of happiness are more important than concrete manifestations. I may not be able to drive to the Southwest, but I can incorporate my interests in other ways. This summer, I have gone on many camping adventures, but they have been more local and centered on gas-friendly Midwest destinations. In addition, I have combined these trips with other activities to increase my “bang for the buck.” For instance, I have used them to spend more time with those close to me, often on a one-to-one basis. 

I am fortunate to have many beautiful parks and forest preserves within short drives from my house. Blackwell Forest Preserve is around 11 minutes away and features beautiful landscapes, a tranquil lake, and a campground. This summer, I booked a number of weekend adventures at Blackwell; the first one was completed a week ago. I went out on a Friday and spent time with my sister and brother-in-law, who camped next to my site. On Saturday, Julie arrived, and we relaxed and hiked some of the many paths that the forest preserve offers. We had a community dinner on Saturday, and I contributed a cornbread that I made in the camper directly on my camp stove, a fun learning experiment. I also problem-solved and tweaked some things, including figuring out how to attach an awning on Violet. In addition, I found time to pray, meditate, and be still. Yes, I was less than 5 miles from my home, but my mental attitude placed me in a different universe, a place that promoted a sense of satisfaction, gratitude, and happiness.

Dear reader, it is not my place to tell anyone how to live, and it is my hope that you take any of my suggestions with the intent that they are given. During difficult times it is very easy to focus on what we have lost, but I’m challenging you to reframe those thoughts to what you have. It is not as difficult as you think to modify expectations and to do some creative problem solving so you can turn perceived negatives into real positives. Change does require work, but in this case, the rewards far exceed any effort.

Peace

Mike 

Uncategorized

Cheaper Phone Plans

In February 2024 this website crashed for no apparent reason. Despite using professionals at GoDaddy.com it was impossible to restore anything after October 2021 (over 100 posts). I do have many of those post in draft form (no final edit or photos) and I have decided to repost them in that manner. I apologize for typos and other errors. How do I feel about losing all of my original work? Life goes on.

I recently posted on expanding internet options for travelers, and in that post, I mentioned that one of the most convenient and cost-effective ways to do this was to go with a cellular reseller or MVNO (Mobile Virtual Network Operator) option. I have gone deep in the weeds on this topic and to say that it can be confusing for the consumer would be an understatement. However, if you are willing to put in a little work you can save quite a bit of cash if you use an MVNO plan as either your primary number or if you are a traveler who wants to have several different carriers so you can maximize your chances at getting a signal when you are in the bush.

We all have different cell phone needs. Naturally, someone who only sends text messages and checks email is in a different category than someone who wants to stream Netflix. In turn, that consumer has different needs from someone who works on the road and needs a constant high-speed connection. Those in this last category need the best of everything to ensure that they are always on. If you are in the last group, you can stop reading this post now; you need high-end resources, not the bargain ones that I’m about to discuss.

I will also mention some of the pluses and minuses that I have had on my journey. However, things change rapidly in the world of cell plans, so use my examples as thinking points, not as ongoing truth. I should mention that I have had a cell phone plan of some sort since 1987, and have used many different traditional network and MVNO plans during that time. For instance, when my kids were young I traveled to a distant city once a week and I had to have a solid plan that worked everywhere. I had a Verizon plan, but my middle school kids were on Tracfones. Why? No one was going to steal a candy bar phone with Tracfone branding, and if they lost the phone it was not the end of the world. Currently, five of us are on a TMobile plan and have been for almost a decade. It has served us pretty well for our urban/suburban uses.

As a retired person who loves to travel to remote locations I have been looking at, and trying, different options to stay connected to my family when I am away. I also need to accomplish the usual things like paying bills, researching topics on the web, and streaming content when possible.

With the above preamble, let’s now get into the weeds.

There are ways to enhance any cell signal, and I touched on some of those in my last post. I’m not going to talk about those options here as this post will be long with just the content on using multiple cell services.

TMobile has been improving over the years and it is surprising how well its coverage has increased. However, there are times when I don’t have a signal while those around me do. With that said, there have been times when others have not had a signal and I have. Although people assume that Verizon has the best overall coverage it may not have coverage where you are. If you really want connectivity you should consider contracting with several carriers. However, that option can be expensive. That is why an MVNO may be a reasonable choice. Note, that cost savings will come with some compromise. The simpler your needs the easier it is to swallow those shortcomings.

An MVNO is a company that buys huge chunks of bandwidth from one or several of the major carriers and then resells that bandwidth to the consumer. In the US there are three major cell companies, Verizon, ATT, and TMobile. A fourth nationwide service is being built out by Dish Network. In “the day” most MVNOs were independent of the big three. However, many are now subsidiaries. For example, Boost, Tracfone, Net10, Straight Talk, Cricket Wireless, and Visible Wireless are owned by traditional cell phone companies. Consolidation may reduce competition, but these subsidiaries are backed by their hugely successful parent companies so it is likely that they will have the ability to update their services as needed. I can’t say how many MVNOs there are, but you can assume that there are dozens, so there are quite a few independent and subsidiary options. Within an MVNO there are often several tiered plans that offer various benefits. I’ll talk about that in a minute, but first let’s explore the big elephant in the room: customer service.

Most MVNOs are web-based, although some, like Boost and Straight Talk, have retail outlets of one sort or another. A rare few, like Consumer Cellular, have great customer support, while others are terrible. Some may only provide support by Chat, while others may have phone, email, text, and chat support.

I recently used chat to solve a problem with Visible (Verizon network) and the process went fairly smoothly. I also wanted to try an ATT hotspot on the MVNO, Red Pocket. They sent me a TMobile hotspot (I already have TMobile) and so I contacted them via text. That was an agonizing process. In the end, it became evident that it would be impossible for me to exchange or return the router and SIM that I purchased, so I’m eating the loss. If you are tech-phobic I would suggest that you use major carriers where you can go into a store and get help.

Most MVNOs only use the towers that are part of the network that they are contracting with. Major carriers have arrangements with other national and regional carriers to provide some sort of service when a phone is out of their service area. This could mean that you will have no service if you are on a Verizon-based MVNO plan whereas your friend has service on a “real” Verizon plan.

Note, that even with traditional plans “partner” towers may not deliver normal services. On occasion, I travel 80 miles to a different city. Twenty-one of those miles are covered by a TMobile partner. You would think that I would have full service there, but I don’t. With 4 bars of signal, I got good phone and SMS service, but any data service (including iMessage) is extraordinarily slow.

Recently, Visible changed its plans and is now completely integrated into Verizon so it can use Verizon’s roaming partners. This will likely be a welcome change, but since this plan just started a few days ago I can’t say for certain.

Most MVNOs use cloud-based servers. This is not an issue for most, but it does mean that ping times can be long. Ping time is the time that it takes for a signal to go to the server and back to the phone. Long ping times are an issue for those that need very speedy responses, like gamers.

Things to consider when choosing an MVNO:

  1. What cell company do they contract with? MVNOs are sometimes not allowed to reveal this information, but they will often hint at the answer, or you can just ask Google. As an example, if you already have TMobile you don’t want to use Mint Mobile as your secondary carrier as they use TMobile towers.
  2. Is the network managed? In most cases, the answer is yes. MVNOs will often cap data rates. However, the Mbps will still be high enough for most tasks. However, if a tower is highly congested, data can really slow down. If you are camping in the boonies, this will not be a problem. This would be more of an issue if you lived in a population-dense area (high rise in a big city) or if you were at a big venue (a concert or sporting event). This slow-down phenomenon can happen if you are a customer of the big three too. It was impossible for me to post a photo to Facebook from my daughter’s graduation (from a college stadium) while on traditional TMobile. However, MVNOs often get the lowest priority.
  3. What bands are available? Some MVNOs only provide a 4G connection, others include 5G, but not the ultra speed 5G HD bands. Still, others will include 5G HD. Note, that 5G HD has very limited availability for all cell phone customers. TMobile greatly extended its coverage by using low-band standard 5G. If you are using an MVNO that uses the TMobile network in the boonies you want the MVNO to have 5G capabilities (but not necessarily 5G HD). Remember, your phone also has to be 5G capable.
  4. Does your MVNO company allow you to use your phone as a hotspot, and is there a limit on how much data you can use in this mode? Visible allows for unlimited hotspot use but caps the data at around 5 Mbps. That is fine for most users, but you won’t be able to run multiple data hogs at the same time using this level of connection. Other companies may limit the GBs allowed to be used as a hotspot. For instance, you may have a 50 GB plan, but only 10 GB can be used via the phone’s hotspot function.
  5. Many MVNOs now offer unlimited phone and text, but some very cheap plans may limit these services. Perhaps they will give you 500 minutes of talk time and 1000 text messages per month. These limited plans are super cheap and could be an option if all you want is an emergency secondary backup connection. As an aside, they will often include a tiny amount of data, perhaps 500 MB. It is possible to get a limited plan for as little as $5/month.
  6. How much data do you need? Plans start at around 500 MB and go to unlimited data. Most unlimited plans will only give you a portion of that data at high speed. Once you reach your limit they may throttle you when you are on a congested tower, or automatically reduce your speed to an extremely slow rate. Some limited data plans will just stop service when you reach your limit. Each MVNO has its own rules, so read the fine print. There are calculators on the Web that can help you determine how much data you will need.
  7. What phones can you use? Most MVNOs are compatible with iPhones and Samsung devices, but they may not be compatible with other brands. Some MVNOs sell phones, while others don’t. Some offer phone financing, while others don’t. An MVNO will usually list compatible phones on its website. Some will have you enter the phone’s IMEI number so they can say with certainty if the phone will work.
  8. If you bought your phone on contract from a major carrier you will need to pay it off before you can use it on an MVNO. Then the major carrier will free the phone for use elsewhere (unlocked).
  9. Some MVNOs have data plans for traditional separate hotspots, while others don’t. Some will allow you to use your phone as a hotspot, while others won’t. Don’t forget that you can always use an adapter to directly connect your phone to the HDMI port on a TV to stream movies without using an external WiFi device.
  10. Some phones now allow you to have multiple carriers on the same device. My iPhone 12 Pro Max will handle both SIM cards and eSIMs (electronic SIM). Installing an eSIM was simple and immediate on Visible. Some MVNOs have the capability to use eSIMs, and some don’t. My eSIM is on Visible and my regular SIM is on TMobile. It is very easy to change between the two providers.

You can reduce your data needs by controlling your streaming. The two biggest data hogs are video streaming (YouTube, Netflix, etc), and audio streaming, with video streaming being the greatest consumer. Watching a YouTube video at 360p will use up around 300 MB (0.3 GB) of data an hour while watching the same video at 4K resolution will consume up to 14 GB of data. That is 47 times more data! Watching a video at 360p on a phone isn’t too bad, but it won’t look very good on a 60” TV. Many MVNOs limit streaming to 420p, which is DVD quality.

Getting back to my Red Pocket experience. After dealing with horrible text customer service I literally gave up and I’m eating the $80 that I spent on a SIM card and mobile hotspot. However, Red Pocket does have great prices and I wanted to see if an ATT-connected MVNO could give me additional coverage. I’m now going to try one of their small phone/data plans which I’ll connect with a cheap Android phone. Red Pocket does allow phones to be used as hotspots, so fingers crossed.

I understand that this was an extremely long post, and I thank you if you have read it in its entirety. Sadly, there was no way to shorten this complex topic (at least I don’t know of any). Happy travels!

Mike

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Washing Machine

In February 2024 this website crashed for no apparent reason. Despite using professionals at GoDaddy.com it was impossible to restore anything after October 2021 (over 100 posts). I do have many of those post in draft form (no final edit or photos) and I have decided to repost them in that manner. I apologize for typos and other errors. How do I feel about losing all of my original work? Life goes on.

When I was searching for a house, I looked for specific features.  However, only after I moved in did I realize that one of the best additions was something I hadn’t even given much thought to.  What was that?  Having my own washer and dryer.  

I had lived in several apartments before buying a home and accepted the hassle of laundry day.  However, once I was freed from dealing with coin-operated machines, I realized how stressful doing laundry had been.  What were the points of my pain?

  1. The quarter hunt.  I was always looking around for quarters, and it always seemed I was one or two shy. Searching under my couch cushions became a regular part of my week. 
  2. I lived in apartments with only a single washer and dryer and others with a bank of them. With the single-machine apartments, it was common to go down and find the machine in use with several loads cued up. Once, I walked into the laundry room of a complex with a bank of machines, and someone had taken someone else’s clean wet laundry and thrown it on the dirty floor.  I’m not sure why, but that was creepy.
  3. Machines would be broken, dryers wouldn’t heat, etc. 
  4. Who knew what was washed in a machine right before I used it?
  5. Although most of my apartments had laundry rooms, I occasionally used laundromats. This meant waiting in a too-hot or too-cold, and always humid room for hours.  Laundromats never seemed to have chairs; when they did, they were usually those fiberglass molded ones that would often have a broken leg.

After decades of ownership, I take having my own laundry facilities for granted.  However, the pandemic brought a new level of awareness to this basic need. Millions of people live in apartments that don’t have in-apartment laundry.  What did they do? I researched the topic and found that laundry day was stressful for many of them.  In fact, I read reports of people doing all their laundry by hand to avoid public laundry facilities during the pandemic. What a massive hassle.  That got me thinking about the overall stress of using public laundry facilities, which led me to research alternative options. I was surprised that there were quite a few possibilities, some very reasonable.  I would like to share that information with you. Hopefully, this post will reach a few apartment dwellers who may find it useful.

Manual washing

As old as time, the simplest way to get your clothes clean.  When I was a student, there were rare times when my schedule was so out-of-control that I needed to wash necessary items in the sink. It is possible to get a decent result, but such actions get tiring when doing anything more than a few pairs of socks and some underwear.  Some manual gadgets can lighten this load, but only by a bit.  I’ll list them in the photos below.

Twin-tub machines

Sometimes called Asian washers, these machines are very lightweight and come in various sizes and capacities, from desktops to floor-standing machines.  They tend to be inexpensive, and they look like toys.  However, users of them say they are surprisingly good at washing clothes.  Further, I read several “one year later” reports that were quite favorable.  The larger capacity versions of these machines cost more.  Some drain only by gravity, so you must place them on the counter next to a sink or in a bathtub.  Others have an electric pump to discharge the water.  These can be placed on the floor next to a sink.  

Twin-tub machines are manual, but they eliminate the hand-wrenching jobs of physically washing, rinsing, and wringing out wet clothes.  Their washing action is very strong, to the point of often knotting up clothes, and their separate spin dryers are so fast that clothes often dry within hours once hung up.  These machines are designed for cold water washes, but can be used with warm water.  Hot water will damage them.

You need to fill these machines manually (using a hose connected to a faucet) and also  manually switch them to drain.  In addition, you need to place the wet clothes into the spinner basket and then return them for a rinse and then another spin.  The spinner baskets are smaller than the washer, so you must spin a wash batch in several loads.  However, spinning only takes a few minutes. Even the larger machines of this group have less capacity than a regular washer.  However, overall, people sing their praises often using statements like “Life changing” and “The best purchase I ever made.”  

As an aside, various users have their own techniques when using these machines.  Some spin and then rinse, others rinse and then spin.  Some fill the washer using a faucet connection and a little hose; others fill from a bucket.  Manual, in this case, means very flexible operations.

The Laundry-Alternative  Niagra washer, plus the Laundry-Alternative Nija spin dryer.

This one-of-a-kind setup offers almost full-size laundry capabilities in a much smaller and less expensive package.  These machines are more automatic than twin-tub machines, but they still require some work from the operator.  They are bulkier, with the Niagra washer weighing 35 pounds and the Nija spin dryer weighing almost 20 pounds.  However, they are built to last.  I saw one report of a man using a Laundry-Alternative spinner 15 years after he bought it.  

Although top loading, the Niagra operates more like a front loader.  Therefore, it is gentler and uses less water than a top-loading machine.  It fills and runs automatically, using a very simple mechanical dial. It has a drain pump so you can place it on the floor next to your sink. The Niagra can be used with hot water if desired.  It has dispensers for soap and rinse additives like fabric softeners. 

The Niagra will complete washing and rinsing independently, but it doesn’t spin dry.  Buying a separate spin dryer like the Ninja is important to make this system work efficiently. 

The Ninja spinner is larger than those on twin tub machines. It is reported to be the largest capacity spinner on the market and can handle 22 pounds of clothes.  In addition, the Nija spins at an incredible 3200 rpm, compared to a standard washing machine that spins at around 1200 rpm. Faster spinning means greater water extraction. Some synthetic clothing items could be dry after hanging in less than 30 minutes. 

Fully automatic portable washers.

These units are similar to a regular washer but smaller. A typical home top-loading washing machine’s capacity is between 3.5 and 5 cubic feet, with front loaders having a 4.2-4.5 cubic feet capacity. In contrast, these machines start at 0.9 cubic feet, with many around 1.7 cubic feet capacity.  I did find one portable washer at 2.4 cubic feet. Because of their complexity, they cost more and are heavier. Some of the larger models are more expensive than basic full-sized machines. I found the most reviews for reviews for the 0.9 cubic feet machines suggesting that these are the most popular. Some of these machines are cold water only.

These machines are computerized, which is nice, but this also serves as a point of failure. Because these machines are all-in-one, they spin slower than those listed above. Many of these machines spin at 750 RPM compared to around 1200 RPM for a standard washer or 3500 RPM for the Ninja. Therefore, many people who buy these machines often buy little portable dryers instead of hanging their laundry. 

Who are portable machines for?

Any of these machines is perfect for a single person or a couple.  Families can use them, but they are likely best utilized when a small load must be done between a full laundry day. However, I read reports of families using these machines for their weekly laundry. The best strategy for these families would be to do their laundry multiple times a week in small batches. 

Using a laundry trolley

You can buy inexpensive laundry trolleys to move around those machines are are too heavy to lift from their storing place to the sink.  

Which type of washer is best?

That is a personal choice.  Many people buy twin-tub machines as they are lightweight and inexpensive.  However, they are the most manual of the gadgets.  Some like the convenience of a fully automated machine.

Personally, I like the Laundry Alternative solution.  Their machines are durable, and have simple controls so they are less likely to break down.  The Niagra’s top-loading/front-operating style is water efficient and can wash a surprisingly large load despite being around 1/3rd the size of a standard washer.  The Nigara automatically does most of the tedious work of washing.  You don’t have to return to refill, rinse, etc.  The only manual operation is to spin, but the Nija spinner is large, fast, and super efficient.  I would say that the Niagra/Nija combination is close in convenience to using a regular washing machine.

Thoughts on hanging clothes

None of these machines dry your clothes, but spinning them gets out most ofthe water making drying fast.  

The fully automatic washers spin at a slower speed, so expect that clothing will take longer to dry after hanging.  There is also the chance of some water drippage when using these machines. 

The twin-tub and and Niagra spinners are very fast, with most clothing coming out nearly dry.  Therefore, it is practical to hang those close out to dry. I image that the audience for these machines won’t have outdoor spaces, and they will be hanging their clothing in their apartments.

There are many creative ways to hang clothes on existing home objects.  However, investing in dedicated hanging systems is best if you have a lot of laundry. 

Different racks and gadgets make hanging clothes a fairly easy operation.  See the photos below for some common ones.

Another way to hang clothes indoors is to use a heated airer, which is a clothing rack enclosed in a little tent with a small electric heater on the bottom. These units are inexpensive, have greater capacity than a standard dryer,  while using less energy than a standard dryer.  However, they are slower to dry than a dryer. 

Lastly, you can purchase mini-clothes dryers that operate similarly to a regularly sized unit.  Here is it recommended that you vent your exhaust out a window less you put too much humidity into your living space.  However, I have seen a number of reports where people vent directly into their apartment.  If you do the later I might suggest that you do so in a large and well ventilated room to avoid eventual  mold issues.  

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On Being Fat

In February 2024 this website crashed for no apparent reason. Despite using professionals at GoDaddy.com it was impossible to restore anything after October 2021 (over 100 posts). I do have many of those post in draft form (no final edit or photos) and I have decided to repost them in that manner. I apologize for typos and other errors. How do I feel about losing all of my original work? Life goes on.

This is the most difficult post I have ever written, and it faced a lot of internal debate if it would ever see the light of day. Everyone has their own temperament.  Some wear their lives on their sleeves; others keep their personal feelings under a bushel basket.  I have no problem sharing my feelings, but I have issues sharing my vulnerabilities.  Others can exploit vulnerabilities, and I like to feel safe. In addition, being transparent can expose me to the judgment of others.  Frankly, I don’t like to be judged. So why am I writing this post?  Because it’s time.  If you can’t accept me for who I am, then it is best that we part ways.  If you can accept me for who I am, I will reciprocate.  I am not an Instagram kind of guy; I’m a real person. 

I have said less than flattering things about my dad and my relationship with him.  My dad was not an evil person; he was just flawed.  I’m sure he had hidden insecurities during a time when men were supposed to be invulnerable.  I’m sure that I disappointed him in many ways.  I was not a typical kid.  I always was different, odd. I was interested in how the universe was formed when I should have been interested in playing baseball. I was sensitive when I should have been tough.  I was fat when I should have been thin. I was not a 1960s poster son, the kind of kid a dad could brag on. Sorry dad.

My father met my oddness with anger.  He never hit me; his anger was expressed in harsh words and a lack of interest in me. As a child, I felt this was normal and deserved his judgment. There was truth in his statements; I was an embarrassment to him.  By the Grace of God, I was given an alternate view of myself from other adults who seemed to value me and celebrated my oddness. Their enthusiasm for me far exceeded anything that I deserved. From nuns to teachers, there was a consistent message.  I was different, but that was amazing.  I was special.  I thought outside of the box.  God had plans for me. These good people saved my life and made me realize I had value. I now know of an additional force that propelled me away from a negative concept of myself-and that was anger. It feels so odd to admit that, as I am a person who rarely feels angry.  However, certain situations can turn it on; I can move mountains when that happens.

I long ago accepted who I am.  In fact, I used my differences to my advantage.  These “negatives” became gifts that gave me a life I never could have imagined as a child.  

 However, one part of my life still gives me great shame.  So much, in fact, I sometimes have to force myself to be around people.  Long ago, I committed to never allowing my fears to control or determine my life’s trajectory, but it is work for me.

Everyone has differences, but those characteristics can be hidden in many cases. However, some differences are impossible to shield. If they are of the socially acceptable type, they are often ignored. But our society still has taboo characteristics that welcome mocking and judgment.  Unfortunately, I possess one of them.

I was average weight until about 5th grade, then something happened.  I started to gain weight.  I don’t recall any changes in my eating patterns, and I believe that, in part, it had something to do with puberty.  In short order, my weight had increased by almost 100 pounds.

You can only imagine the torrent of shaming comments that I got from my dad.  I won’t repeat them in this post because they still create hurt and sadness in me. I was disgusted with myself as I was now wearing my differences in direct view.  In grade school, I taught myself to temper excitement about my interests when interacting with others.  I could fake being “normal,” and people would accept me as such.  However, there was no deception for being fat.  It was out there for all to see.  I was wearing a giant billboard stating that I was a freak of nature.  

Beyond family, I don’t recall others criticizing me for my weight.  I have no memories of kids teasing me about it.  They seemed to accept me for who I was and even liked me.  I wasn’t one of the super popular kids.  However, I was part of the pack and even had a bit of status being the “kid who knew everything about science.”  However, in my heart, I felt like a fake who was about to be discovered.  My obesity made me a bigger target for my dad’s displeasure with me, and for once, I thought he was correct. I hated myself when I looked in the mirror. Why couldn’t I just be normal?  Why did I have to be different? I couldn’t act the part of a skinny person; my weight signaled to all that I was odd.

In 7th grade, I decided to do something about my weight, researched the topic, and started a weight loss program.  I’m not a person who does something by half measure, and I lost weight and became the family weight loss expert.  Aunts and uncles would take me aside to learn my secrets, and I enjoyed a celebrity moment. Unfortunately, over a few years, the weight came back. I tried my old techniques, but they didn’t work as well, and I had to adopt new, more stringent strategies.  I lost the weight again but regained it in a couple of years.

This cycle has repeated itself numerous times—I had to adapt and try new techniques each cycle.  I have been on multiple diets.  I have joined every major food plan, I have purchased prepared meals, I have taken over-the-counter supplements, I have used prescription meds and had medical interventions, I retained a personal trainer, and I have worked with a dietician.  

I am dedicated and reliable, and those characteristics have been utilized in my weight loss efforts.  However, my cyclic pattern continues as it is impossible for me to sustain a starvation-eating pattern infinitum. Eventually, I weaken and slowly regain.  

I thought I had finally reached a point where it was impossible to lose weight, but around 5 years ago, circumstances allowed me to lose a considerable amount of weight.  But, once again, I regained. Now, I have to deal with shame one more time.  “What will people think of me who saw me thinner and now see me fat?”  It makes me want to avoid people.  I can’t let that happen.  

As in most of my writings, I scribe this for my kids.  Not only that they know me better, but to also help them deal with any differences that they may see in themselves. I also write it for any others who may be reading this. Can you accept me for who I am instead of what I look like?  If not, OK, but let’s not pretend we must be buddies. 

In this regard, I should accept myself.  I would like to, but pounds continue to creep up unless I actively work on losing weight.  I do not know its endpoint as I have never allowed my weight to stabilize. I like to be active, and I want to be healthy, and these facts motivate me to control my poundage-however, unsuccessful I may be. 

Strangely, there are some positives to my dilemma.  I know what it is like to be judged for something that has little to do with who a person is.  Some people will see me from afar and instantly form a negative opinion of me. Their preconceived notions will become solidified to a level that I will never be able to break.  To be judged in such a superficial way is cruel and unfair, but it is a fact of life.

Those who know me know I’m committed to not judging others based on any superficial identifier or single characteristic.  Race, religion, sexual orientation, gender, or gender identification, so many people instantly reject individuals based on these criteria.  Such superficiality seems insane and unnecessary to me. Why do we need to do that?  I say this as a person who was judged for being different.  Yet, a person who has contributed to society.  A person who has never intentionally hurt another human.  A person who has value.  I am not alone.

If you have gotten this far in this post, I thank you.  I wear my differences directly on my body. I can not hide.  Accept me for who I am. If you can’t, let’s be honest and talk about it.  Get to know me. Love me, and I’ll love you right back.  I will celebrate your differences.

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Cancer!! Part II

In February 2024 this website crashed for no apparent reason. Despite using professionals at GoDaddy.com it was impossible to restore anything after October 2021 (over 100 posts). I do have many of those post in draft form (no final edit or photos) and I have decided to repost them in that manner. I apologize for typos and other errors. How do I feel about losing all of my original work? Life goes on.

A family living with cancer.

In my post, Cancer Part One, I gave a timeline of our cancer journey over the last eight months. In this post, I’ll explore the journey’s psychological and emotional impact. This was the post that I wanted to write, but I had to offer the content of Part One to make sense of this writing

This post will explore the feelings of Julie, the kids, and me. However, it will emphasize my experience, not because my feelings are more important, but because it would be inaccurate to claim that I had complete knowledge of what the others are experiencing.

The genesis for today’s writings were several comments that we have heard from some individuals. Their sentiments can be summarized as follows:

“You all seem to be handling Julie’s diagnosis so well.”

“You are living in the present and seem to enjoy life.”

“You all seem to have a positive attitude.”

All of the above statements are true and accurate. However, they don’t address the entire situation. What is that whole situation? Well, that’s complicated.

As far as the above statements are concerned, they are the result of our personalities and the general way that both Julie and I approach life. Our kids had adopted many of the same characteristics.

Julie was raised in a stoic family. She is the most emotional in her family. I was raised in an emotionally huggy family; I am the most reserved member of my family. Our positions complement each other. I add the huggy quality, and she adds the sensible quality to our relationship.  

We both believe in changing what we can change and accepting what we cannot. It makes no sense to gnash our teeth over things we have no control over. It is also a massive waste of time. Every day on this earth is a gift. Each day is filled with both positive and negative events and experiences. We choose to focus on the positive things. Additionally, we do not want to waste a day worrying about inevitable or imagined events in the future. That is not to say that we ignore these things. We plan and prepare, but as a couple, we are not paralyzed by events that may or may not happen.  

As many of you know, I spent much of my career helping people recover from drug and alcohol addictions. People in recovery have many wise, if pithy, sayings. One of my favorites is, “If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you are pissing on the present.” Before mindfulness became popular, I ascribed to the philosophy of living in the moment and appreciating where I was. Who knew that such thoughts would one day become trendy?

Over the last eight months, we have tried to live as normal of a life as we could as we adapted to the changing status of Julie’s health. I don’t feel that time consisted of lost months. There were good times, bad times, and a lot in between. 

I don’t think in a linear fashion, so I must digress.

Before I retired, I loved my work life and genuinely cared about many of my patients. They were people of courage and grace. However, working in my capacity also had its stresses. Let me bring that concept home to you. Let’s say you had a friend you cared about who was in crisis. You willingly gave them a call and did your absolute best to be respectful; you listened thoughtfully and offered requested advice. How would you feel after you got off the phone? I imagine you would feel good that you were there for your friend, but also emotionally and possibly physically exhausted. Imagine doing that 20 times in a single day and repeating it the next day and the day after. That was my job. Fantastically fulfilling and utterly exhausting. It isn’t easy to be responsible for the well-being of others, even if that contribution is only partial.

You may wonder about my fascination with Violet the campervan. Of course, I love being in nature, but Violet is a symbol of freedom for me. When traveling in Violet, my life is simple, and I am responsible only for myself. Violet lets me know that, on occasion, placing myself first is OK. It is OK to do something silly or something someone else may not approve of. It is OK to have fun for the sake of having fun. It is OK to explore for the sake of exploring. It is OK to be my natural self and not have to act in a certain doctorly way.  

Retirement has offered a similar experience. There is joy in learning about an irrelevant topic. There is joy for me to walk over to my friend Tom’s house for no other reason than to drink a cup of coffee and have a little conversation. There is joy in making dinner with my kids and talking about their day. There is joy in going to DQ for an ice cream run with Julie. None of these things change the world. Joy doesn’t have to change the world. When I was working two and a half jobs, there was little time for impractical joy. Every hour I was awake was parsed into 15-minute intervals.

Since Julie re-entered the paid workforce, I have taken over more and more of the necessary household tasks. I have no problem with doing what some may consider menial jobs, and I consider no necessary job as menial. However, I have worked hard to keep balance in my life as it would be easy to turn those jobs into a new career. Julie continued to do things around the house, and I involved my kids in some of the responsibilities of real life. 

I have also tried to push my own boundaries in new directions. I’m naturally shy, but I know how to be social. Despite being difficult, I have introduced myself to others and engaged with them. I feel guilty when traveling solo in Violet, but I want to explore places while I have my health. I have been open about my feelings with Julie and have been receptive to hers. I’m a lifelong learner who loves to see the similarities and differences in things. Do I really need a dozen cameras? No, but they make me happy, and I know quite a bit about cameras because of them. Over the years, I have tried to celebrate who I am. My retirement motto is, “If it is not hurting me or anyone else, it’s probably OK.”

These, and many other factors, have given me a wonderful retirement. I generally have good health and enough financial resources to do what I want. I also have enough common sense to modify, adjust, and redefine based on my current status and the needs of those close to me. Just as I communicate my feelings in this blog, I do the same with the people I love. If something pleases me, I tell them. If something bothers me, I tell them that too. How many times have I seen relationships fall apart because person A expected person B to read their mind?

However, my joyful dynamic has changed with recent events. For the moment, balance is out the window, and I have had to return my focus solely to others. This is no one’s fault; it is just how it is.  

Julie’s right leg doesn’t work very well. It has little sensation, and many of the muscles don’t function. She had great rehab at Marianjoy, but it is still common for her leg to buckle and for her to tumble. This is despite using techniques, a physical brace, and assistive devices like a walker or a wheelchair. We hope this situation will improve, but we have yet to determine.  

Julie needs assistance with activities that most of us would consider routine—taking a shower, getting something off a shelf, and using the stairs. Many of the things she has done all her adult life, like driving a car, are off-limits for now.

She is trying her best to do things and to contribute to the family, but she can only do so much. The other day she wanted to do a load of laundry. However, someone had to bring the basket down and position it. She had to use a grabber to get the clothes out of the washer, and someone had to help her get the clothes in and out of the dryer. Then someone had to carry the basket back upstairs. However, she tries even harder every day. She just informed me that she emptied the dishwasher this afternoon. And that was while she was also standing with her walker.

Julie wanted to go to the market and then to her office to check her mailbox. Simple, right? She had to ready herself. I called the store to see if they had an electric shopping cart. I was erroneously told, “No.” I had to position our car so Julie could get in. I had to collapse her wheelchair (WC) and load it (with difficulty) into the car. Julie then had to get herself and the walker into the car. At the grocer, I had to reassemble her WC (with difficulty). We then could only buy things that we could carry on her WC. Everything had to be loaded back into the car, and we drove to her office. We only used the walker there, but the path was long and complicated. Back home, I had to position the car so Julie could get out. I then had to pull the car up, get the WC out, and reassemble it. After I took the WC into the house, I had to bring in the groceries. A very simple trip turned into quite the morning, and that was with Julie trying her hardest to be as independent as possible.

Jobs like making every dinner have fallen completely on me. New jobs have been created, like ensuring no trip hazards on the floor or monitoring Julie’s shower. I’m OK visiting my friend, Tom, as he is only 5 minutes away, but I still have not worked up seeing my sisters, who live 30 minutes from me. At the moment, that is too far if Julie needs my help.

Let me emphasize that Julie is doing everything in her power to be as independent as possible. If fact, she may be doing too much. Also, my kids are very helpful and willing. They have been great.  I bought Julie an Apple Watch, so she will always have a way to call for help if needed. However, for the moment, my life is focused completely at home.

Over the next weeks and months, I’ll continue to try to find balance, but life is stressful at the moment. I am trying to do the right thing by her, but I’m not Superman. Eventually, I’ll find a way to do some exploring with Violet again, but not right now. 

An important part of what has kept Julie, the kids, and me afloat is other people. As an independent soul, this has surprised me. I wanted to share some of my feelings about this, as it may be helpful to understand those who are going through a difficult time. I’m going to be frank, as it makes no sense to couch what I’m saying. Please don’t take offense; none is intended.

I should also note that people are much more open when dealing with those who have cancer. A few decades ago, others would shun cancer victims. Not so anymore; yay for that

What is helpful:

I must offer a disclaimer here. In no way is the following a solicitation for services. We both realize that people have busy lives. No one owes us anything, and we are cool with that. However, the following things have been helpful, and some have even been wonderful.

-Letting us know that you are thinking about us, praying for us, etc. That can be via Facebook, a phone call, a text message, a card, whatever.

-A number of people have given Julie gifts, from flowers to prayer blankets. She is overwhelmed and feels loved. 

-A number of people have gifted us food in the form of snacks, cookies, dinners, meal cards, and other surprises. Personally, I have been overwhelmed by their generosity. I can’t tell you how grateful I have been not to have to make dinner or how happy the kids have been to get a treat. We feel loved.

-Don’t avoid us because Julie has cancer, but be respectful of her limitations and know that a visit or phone call may need to be shorter than usual. Call before you come over.

-If you visit, I’ll be happy to make you a cup of coffee and (if we have them) offer you a snack. It is harder for me to give you a full meal.

-Don’t be afraid to bring up the cancer topic, but it isn’t the only thing we want to discuss.

-Don’t avoid us; you can’t catch cancer.

-Don’t forget us. Kind humans tend to respond at the start of a crisis, but life goes on. Check in on us as time goes by.

What is not helpful:

-Recounting cancer horror stories from a friend of a friend.

-Offering unsolicited advice.

-Suggesting cures, “I saw a YouTube video where a medical expert cured his cancer by    drinking cat pee every day.” Crazy therapies are not helpful.

-Questioning our medical decisions because you YouTubed the topic and now consider yourself an expert. You are not.

-Not talking about cancer or talking too much about cancer. We are dealing with cancer, but we also have a life.

-Saying things like, “Call me if you need anything.” This may be sincere, but it feels disingenuous.

-Saying things like, “I wish I could help, but I’m too (whatever).” You don’t have to do anything, that’s OK. But such statements serve no purpose. I don’t want to make you feel better about your lack of involvement. 

-Visiting too long. Julie loves visitors, but she gets tired.

-Not visiting/calling because you don’t want to be a burden. Julie loves a nice visit. We want to know that you care about us.

-Assuming something without asking us. We are happy to let you know, and if we don’t want to say something, we will let you know that too.

I said at the beginning of this post that it was complicated. With that said, Julie and I have been blown away by all of the kindness that we have received. I cannot express how much it has meant to us. You have made us feel less alone. 

We often hear about the evil in the world. However, time and time again, I see the true good in people. Sometimes a tragedy brings that out even more. I am so proud to call many of you friends. What an honor for me to know you.

Peace,

Mike 

Random thoughts and my philosophy of life.