We drove almost 8 hours to return home from Minnesota. It was Christmas Day. Everything was closed on Christmas Day, including restaurants, fast food joints, and grocery stores. The only accessible businesses open are highway gas stations, which announce their interstate presence with giant neon signs that lurch out of the pitch-black darkness of winter nights.
-We need to eat.
-Our only option is a repast of gas station food.
Don’t feel too sorry for us. We had a great Christmas Eve dinner at my wife’s sister’s house in Minneapolis. We also had a wonderful Christmas Day brunch at my wife’s parents’ place in rural Minnesota. We were filled with both good food and camaraderie.
We will have our own family Christmas dinner in a few days, and we will visit our oldest daughter a few days after that.
As far as our gas station dinner, the food was as expected, perhaps a bit worse. However, it filled us up, and how many people can say that they had gas station food for their Christmas Day dinner? It is another experience to remember. Perhaps our kids will dramatize the event for their own children, “Kids don’t complain, our parents made us eat gas station food for Christmas dinner!” I must confess that I rather like the absurdness.
Everyone celebrates Christmas in their own way. Some expect a Norman Rockwell Christmas: perfect decorations, perfect food, perfect gifts, perfect family. If that is what you desire, you will be unhappy with your holiday.
We take a more freeform approach. In our case, it feels good to connect with our extended family, and we want to spend time together. It was worth driving from Chicago to Minneapolis on Christmas Eve to share a Christmas Eve dinner with my wife’s family. It was worth driving another hour west to have a delightful brunch with my wife’s 96-year-old parents, and it was worth driving almost 8 hours back to Chicago on Christmas Day to make the above happen.
We knew that everything would be closed on our drive home. That was OK. We did want a slightly better selection of gas-station food. But we accepted what was available.
Our adult kids will look back on days like yesterday with fond memories. Long conversations driving home, junk car food, and Christmas dinner purchased and eaten at a gas station.
A gourmet meal eaten with people that you don’t like is dreadful. Gas-station pizza with the people you love is always the better choice.
Dear Reader, life is what you make of it. It is easy to complain about all of the things that you don’t have. Perhaps you couldn’t afford the Pinterest dinner that you saw online. Maybe you couldn’t be with people that you wanted to be with. Or, someone chose not to spend time with you, even though you wanted to be with them on this holiday. The list of unfilled wants goes on and on. It is easy to turn Christmas into a day of disappointment if that is what you choose to do. That is especially true for those who are adept at cherry-picking. Add up online fantasy meals, this friend’s perfect family get-together, that friend’s fantastic received gifts, and this neighbor’s holiday decorations to create a “super” Christmas, and you are sure to make Christmas Day a day of depression.
But why do that? Why not focus on all the positive things you already have? Why not create a day that may be untraditional, yet special? There are many ways to do this, from extending your holiday to others in a similar situation to creating a non-traditional day. Chinese food on Christmas? A movie night at home or at your local movie theater? Christmas Day could be the day that you treat yourself to all of those movie theater concession items that you never allow yourself to buy!
Can’t spend the day with family or friends? How about sharing a glass of eggnog over a group ZOOM call? Feeling alone? Consider volunteering at a community or church Christmas meal. Have the cash, but not the group? Set a fancy table and cook an elaborate “meal-for-one.” Lobster tail, anyone?
For us, we had to shift times and expectations. Our primary goal was to be together. With that goal achieved, the rest of the events were superfluous. We will do a nice family dinner, and we will see our oldest daughter, just not on Christmas. Instead of feeling sorry that we can’t have the perfect Christmas Day, we see our exceptions as an extension of the holiday. We have reframed this non-traditional time and turned a negative into a positive. Gas station food on Christmas turns into a crazy story to retell. Not seeing our oldest on Christmas Day goes from a disappointment to a way to make Christmas last longer.
I have a friend who reminded me of the quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” How easy it is to selectively compare our lives with others. How foolish that comparison.
It is easy to feel sad when observing another’s Instagram life, or to fixate on that kid who, for whatever reason, has cut off contact with us, or to focus on that family member who isn’t behaving the way we think they should. Why not focus on the positive instead of the negative? Why not celebrate those who do want to spend time with us, rather than those who don’t?
We all know people who have to deal with unpleasant holiday expectations. The family party that always turns into a brawl. The adult child who is expected to recreate their parents’ expectations instead of creating their own traditions, the gift-opening, where the same person is unhappy with their gift, year after year.
I suggest creating a workaround. Can you avoid that horrible family party? Or can’t find a reason to leave early, and then make your own more pleasant memory. Can you set boundaries with those who want you to be responsible for their fantasy Christmas? Can you use humor to deflect negativity? Can you accept that person who will be unhappy with their gift, and not make it the focus of your day? Move on; let them sit in their own stink, but don’t let it cover you. You don’t have to spoil your holiday too.
Lastly, beyond its religious significance, Christmas is just a day. A day hyped up by advertisers and influencers. If all else fails, accept that it is only one day out of 365. It will be over in 24 hours.
We are more in control of our happiness than we think. Let’s exercise that control!
Peace
Mike
A TA gas station, the home of our Christmas dinner.
We entered with accepted resignation.
Many of the food options were missing. Perhaps a rubber personal pan pizza?
Who says you have to have a full kitchen to make a Christmas Day dinner? This gas station microwave should do the trick!
This grab-and-go chicken tender dinner looked good. Sadly, it was pretty terrible. The tenders were super spicy to the point of creating an urgent need for one of our travelers.