I love my son, and so when he asked me, I didn’t hesitate, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

My son is my youngest child, and he still lives at home.  We live in the suburbs of Chicago, and he is currently a graduate student at a university in the city.  For now, it makes the most sense for him to live with us, but I know he will likely move to his own place within the next few months.

Before I went to medical school, I wanted to become a university professor and spent many hours as a graduate student at the very same university he is attending.  His personality is similar to mine; he tends to be easygoing and kind. We have a lot in common, and we get along well.

His work involves studying the effects of climate change on animals. The actual animal that he is studying is an insect. Understanding how insects respond to climate change is critically important, as insects impact crops and spread disease. However, they also pollinate flowers, help decompose waste material, aerate soil, control other insect populations, and do much more.  You may find bugs annoying, but without them, you could not exist.  About 70-80 percent of insects exhibit similar biological and behavioral adaptations to temperature changes, so it is easy to see how important understanding one bug can be for understanding the entire class. 

His research involves changes at both the macro and molecular levels, and one of his major efforts has been to extract and analyse a cellular component, RNA, from a specific region of the insect’s larvae.  You can imagine how difficult that is, as he has to dissect many, many larvae under a microscope.  Then he has to extract the RNA, a process that he has been trying to perfect for over a year.  He has finally succeeded in doing this, but now the RNA has to be “sequenced.”  RNA is a copy of DNA and serves as the blueprint for protein synthesis.  By studying RNA from insect larvae grown at different temperatures, we can see how the bug adapts to different environments.  

After over a year of work, my son has enough samples to sequence this RNA, but there is another glitch.  Research is driven by long-term goals, and basic research is mostly funded by government grants.  The government recognizes that this type of research often leads to practical applications.  For instance, in the late 1970s, I was working with monoclonal antibodies and conducting basic research at the University of Chicago. Now, monoclonal antibodies are used as a miracle medicine in the treatment of cancer.  It took over 20 years for monoclonal antibodies to go from a laboratory tool to a clinical treatment that saves thousands of lives.  Research moves slowly; that is the way it is. 

Unfortunately, when President Trump entered office, he cut off many established research grants in a very random way, under the guise of cost-cutting.  This is devastating, and it could put US research years, if not decades, behind other nations. The one big thing that the US had was its prowess with innovation and research.  Now, countries like China can move past us.  It really is a tragedy. Because of this, some of the grant money for my son’s project will run out in about a month.  A special lab is needed to sequence the RNA, and that lab charges a hefty fee. My son has been working overtime to prepare samples so he can get them to this lab before the grant money runs out.

The sequencing lab is in another state, and he doesn’t want to risk sending the samples by mail for obvious reasons.  His PI (Primary Investigator) very generously told my son that he would drive with him to this state.  My son thinks very highly of his PI, who he also feels is a great guy, but their relationship has been strictly professional, and I could tell he was anxious about spending 12 hours in a car with him. This was compounded by the fact that his PI is extremely busy, and I know my son felt guilty for taking him away from his work for an entire day. 

The day before his departure, my son approached me.  “Dad, you can say no, and I won’t be upset, but would you consider driving me to drop off the samples?” This would involve a very long drive and other complications for me.  I looked at my son and said, “Yes.”

Before driving to the other state, I would have to drive him to the city to pick up his samples during rush hour traffic, and that was my main issue. Dear reader, I have an absolute aversion to driving into the city during rush hour. I avoid it at all costs.  I would even say that I have a bit of a phobia about doing it.  Over the last few years, I have had to make the drive so my wife could get advanced health care. She is highly stressed during these times and doesn’t want to drive, so I do it for her.  However, it usually results in a blazing headache, a stomachache, or both. I do it because she needs me to and because I refuse to let irrational fears keep me from moving forward.  I accept the “pain” and move on. 

And so it is with helping my son.  He needs me to do this, I can do this, so I will deal with the discomfort.  However, the trip into the city was an absolute nightmare.  In fact, I got off the expressway a few miles before his campus just because I was about to lose my mind. Thankfully, leaving the city was much less congested, and in no time, we were on the road for 5.5 hours to the other state. 

Soon, we were having many conversations.  His life in grad school, my memories of being a grad student at the same school. Why I decided to go to medical school. The state of the world. Family talk. What his friends were doing with their lives.  His future plans. And, music, lots of talk about music.  He has an encyclopedic knowledge of music and has recently been into Miles Davis.  I also love jazz, so we had a lot to talk about. And yes, he was educating me on the topic, not the other way around.

Here and there, we stopped.  A bathroom break, a lunch break, a gas break.  Mile after mile we traveled. Finally, we crossed the Mississippi and left Illinois. I was somewhat familiar with the university that we were going to, as my one daughter was accepted there, but chose a school that offered her more money to attend. The school isn’t that far from that city’s downtown. However, traffic was light (thank God).

I found parking, and he rushed his samples in.  Fifteen minutes later, we were back on the road, talking, laughing, and observing the landscape around us. We left our home around six in the morning and returned late at night. I was tired, my back was hurting, but I was also happy.  Not only did I help my son, but we also got to spend more time together.  How many opportunities will I have to spend 12 hours with just the two of us?  He has a life well beyond me, a long-term girlfriend, friends from everywhere from grade school to grad school, his research, his music, and so much more.  Soon, I will be a footnote in his life.  I refused to let my fears deny me an opportunity to learn more about him and to increase our bond.  I refuse to let a fear or phobia  stand in my way of experiencing life.  Sometimes you have to experience a little pain.  That is just the way it is. Time moves forward, and some events can’t be recaptured.  

Despite my fears, my fatigue, and my backache I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to not only help my son, but to also learn just a little bit more about him.  A gift was given to me, and I’m glad that I had the common sense to take it.

Cheers

Mike

Stopping for a snack.