I’m a planner who projects multiple scenarios into the future and then plots the best course of action.  That sometimes works out well for me.  However, some of the best decisions that I have made were based on a feeling, and those feelings were often contrary to my best laid plans.  Strange, don’t you think?

I’m a person who loves being in my head.  It gives me pleasure to dive deeply into obscure topics. I can sit and think or write for hours and completely lose myself.  I’m not anti-social. I have to have my alone time, but I also need to have people in my life. I am beyond fortunate to have an immediate family who loves me, extended family who are awesome, and true friends who I know will stand by my side no matter what.  However, I’m not a person who values volume over quality.  I have never needed to be the most popular kid on the block.  In fact, that would be too much for me as it would take away my thinking time, which I value greatly. 

I met Tom 13 years ago when he replaced a roof that another contractor botched.  It was a short time together, perhaps a week, but I instantly liked him.  Two years later we needed our bathrooms remodeled and I called Tom and two other contractors.  Tom was the first one to estimate the job and against the logic of getting at least three quotes, I hired him on the spot.  

During those days I was able to do tele-medicine two to three days a week from my home, so I was constantly running into Tom and we would talk.  Tom is exceedingly bright and very creative, so it was always a pleasure. I think the whole project lasted around 6 weeks and I found myself in a quandary.  I was really going to miss our chats, but what to do?  Dear readers, I never pursue friendships, not because I think I’m so great, rather because I’m a bit of an odd duck.  I am intense, committed, and very loyal. I think that I can be (unintentionally) a bit intimidating. That can be a bit much for someone who just wants a friend to drink beer with. My friends accept me and embrace those quirks, but not everyone can do that.  That is why I always let a person make the first (or third) move before I’m certain that they want to connect.  That was not the case with Tom.

As the job completed I sat Tom down and formally asked him if he would consider being my friend.  It was super awkward, and I was super awkward. Tom looked at me and said, “Yes.” I had a sense of relief followed by a lot of self-doubt.  The next day when I was working I would have flashes of Tom laughing with his construction buddies about that crazy guy who asked him to be his friend.  Of course, that did not happen, but I had just done something that put me into a very vulnerable position, and if you know me you know that I never do that intentionally. 

Tom and I are completely alike and completely different at the same time.  We both like to get into the weeds when thinking about ideas.  We both like to figure out creative solutions to problems.  We both tend to marvel at things that most others would ignore.  Yet, we are different.  Tom is very spontaneous, where I’m plodding.  Tom tends to be pretty free with money, where I’m the guy who saves for the future.  When Tom bought a pickup truck it was well over 6 figures.  When I needed to replace a car I bought a sedan that was a demo with 4K miles already on it so I could save around 20% off the sticker price.  

Often, our differences have benefited each other.  Tom is an expert in all things mechanical.  I’m an expert (sort of) in many technical things. As a doctor, I have extensive medical knowledge, and as a psychiatrist, I understand psychological topics, such as marketing and how to deal with difficult individuals. We are constantly helping each other, and that is a very new feeling for me. I have always been the person people came to for help.  You have no idea how great it is for me to ask someone else for help, especially someone who has expertise in areas where I don’t. 

Recently, our sunroom was leaking when it rained heavily. I knew that I needed to get up on a ladder to assess the problem.  However, I am very uncomfortable being on a ladder, and that feeling has only worsened as I have gotten older and less steady.  I asked Tom if he would give it a look and an opinion so I would have at least some knowledge before dealing with a roofer. Tom did this and said that the problem wasn’t the roof, it was the junction between the house and the sunroom.  That was great news, and I thanked him.

This morning, Tom showed up with tools and caulk.  Thirty minutes later, the job was done.  Who knows what a roofer would have recommended or charged?  How great it is to know someone who “knows.” I tried to thank him and offered to take him out to lunch.  Tom just shrugged and said he had other things he needed to do. 

As I sit and write this, I am so grateful for those around me who accept and love me for who I am.  We live in a society where success is measured by the square footage of your house, the branding on your car, the numbers on your paycheck, and the title of your job.  How silly that is.  For me, success is mattering to others and having them matter to me.  Why is it that we have become a country where hate of others is celebrated, and acceptance of others is considered a weakness? It makes no sense to me.  I’m glad I took a risk and embarrassed myself by asking Tom to be my friend.  It was one of the best decisions that I have made. I think both of our lives are better because of our connection. Life is short; sprinkle others with kindness, not hate. Differences can be a strength, not a weakness.  On the surface, Tom and I are very different.  Underneath, we are very much the same; all we had to do was take the time to look.

Peace

Mike

Tom, patching the junction between my sunroom and house.

Tom and his son on a camping trip that we took together.

Julie enjoying one of Tom’s famous tacos.

On the job.

I’ll often grab a professional camera (I’m a photographer too) and shoot some of Tom’s finished jobs so he can use them in marketing. I took this artsy shot during one of those shoots.